I'm so frustrated

isavailable · 2021-01-09T03:18:08+00:00

Why can it not just be, "fight against domestic violence". Gendering the issue just causes more issues. The percentage of relationships that suffer domestic violence means more to me than the genitals of the perpetrator. Coming across as dismissing (which I know you weren't trying too) to the violence in domestic relationships isn't the correct way to go. Instead of arguing who it's worse for we should be looking at it all together and fully grasping how shitty it is.

Intelligent_Can_6411 · 2021-01-09T03:10:29+00:00

The guys sound like a bunch of white knight trash and the women just sound retarded. Maybe it's time you cut ties with them and get some real friends?

diogofd8 · 2021-01-09T02:31:43+00:00

Just like 'some women' to infiltrate our groups and of course 'boyfriends' tend to be stupid and give in to their 'wahmans'.

JoeSmith1907 · 2021-01-09T07:08:44+00:00

Don't really know what you tell you other than sorry that this happened. Maybe you didn't convince the ones who argued with you, but maybe you got some of the others to think. You're planting seeds, and sometimes people need to hear something over and over again before they'll accept it.

This sub a place where you can talk about this kind of thing and you'll get some support. There are probably many guys who are in the same position you're in and if you can find them and communicate with them, it'll help. Stay strong and maintain frame.

iAntiMage · 2021-01-09T03:26:59+00:00

I have always maintained that it is (Women+ Males) vs Men... u will never win the numbers game

vomGrossenFluss · 2021-01-09T11:59:09+00:00

I feel you.

Emotions are more important for many people.

It's crucial to reflect what is "factual argument" and agreeing on it before discussing.

Just reflect your own role in this, you might improve ur type and way you challenge their opinions, in a way they don't get offended too easily.

And you might improve your way of handling this emotionally, b/c it's not worth it to suffer from that (take a slide from Karen (girlwriteswhat)).

My best wishes, fren.

nothingshampoobottle · 2021-01-09T07:02:25+00:00

i think theres an important middle ground here that is that gender based discrimination hurts everybody regardless of whether they are a man or a woman, some issues can disproportianlly affect women and some can disproportiantly affect men and both can be sexist issues. Everyone is harmed when it comes to double standards.

Greg_W_Allan · 2021-01-09T11:42:06+00:00

Reasonable example of gendered in-group preferences in play. On matters of gender 80-85% of women will favour women and so will slightly more than half of all men. I generally assume about three quarters of all folk will swing that way.

StopSexualAssault · 2021-01-09T15:47:03+00:00

I hope you feel better soon, bud. I wouldn't be surprised if the best way to stop domestic violence is to avoid intimate relationships. I'm a celibate virgin who never had a girlfriend, so I was never domestically abusive :)

The method also probably helps with avoiding false sexual accusations and female predators like prostitutes.

sleepwalker001 · 2021-01-09T18:15:35+00:00

Man, it's tough but if they're unable to respect your opinion you shouldn't be friends any longer. With that being said, unfortunately violence is everywhere and trying to blame men for that is really unfair.

craigmunday · 2021-01-11T01:26:34+00:00

You did the right thing. There needs to be more voices like yours speaking out. Next time I would suggest to have the discussion face to face. It is far more difficult for people to aggressively oppose your argument when they are in front of you.

The worst domestic violence incident in Australia was committed by a woman when she killed 8 children. And women are the majority of homicide offenders who kill their own children

Your friends are simply victims of the propaganda and centuries of programming

DentistSuspicious699 · 2021-01-11T16:50:42+00:00

Maybe you are wrong?

ContrarianArgument · 2021-01-09T02:38:44+00:00

What troubles me about this is men's rights arguments that include domestic violence, and other issues are often brought up as a direct counter point to a woman bringing up their own struggles with those issues. It acts as a silencing tactic even if you do not intend it to. There is a time and place for these discussions, and it is not in response to a woman expressing their problems. I think it was inappropriate to bring that up in that context. It is combative and dismissive. This is not a competition. This is not the pain olympics. Was it wrong to accuse you or the source of lying? Yes. Were they dismissive? Yes. But it never should have been brought up at that moment. You could have used their feminist discussion as a catalyst to discuss men's issues at a later date, such as saying the conversation got you thinking and you looked into the differing rates, how it is experienced differently, the effects, how it is often dismissed, etc. These are opportunities for discussion but they end up turning into arguments because they have a "well actually" tone to it. It is unfortunate that most of the time, men's issues are only brought up in response to a woman talking about their issues.

Something to also think about regarding stats, they should not be used as a "gotcha". They also require context. For example, men and women attempt suicide at similar rates, however, men are more successful because we use more violent means.

I do think we live in a male dominant society and that it is willfully ignorant to deny it. It is not as grandiose as it used to be but nonetheless men still hold the majority of the power. I will also say that part of the men's rights that is seldom spoken about is how men keep ourselves down by upholding certain patriarchal ideals, which is something feminism is also supposed to tackle but often gets lost.

Ideally, men's rights and feminism should be working together. But it is often adversarial unfortunately.

jdeezy · 2021-01-09T03:35:11+00:00

Just talk about equality. Men and women should have equal paternal rights in divorce. Men and women should have equal pay and representation in leadership. They should have equal participation in dangerous jobs (e.g. logger). Men and women should have equal responsibilities in paying for dating.

Unfortunately, people want to hear about how they benefit from a change. If you want them to listen to you, it's a give and take where you both agree to changes that would make the other parties lives better.

Title	I'm so frustrated
Author	diogofd8
Upvotes	33
Comments	47
Date	January 9, 2021 1:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/kthdt8/im_so_frustrated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-so-frustrated.836420 https://theredarchive.com/post/836420

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