Let me talk about dating problems without being a "misogynist" or other slur

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-10-19T04:23:30+00:00

If people are accusing you of being something you're not, I'd just tell that they're full of crap.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2024-10-19T09:53:22+00:00

Well, you're in good company. There's seriously no reason to feel abnormal about that kind of situation. Have you seen how much the group has grown who're virgin into their thirties?

Does it bother you that you feel you can't talk about this with family and people you know in person?

That's tricky territory because people on average are immensily stupid and phobic about this topic.

I mean, it's enough to look online where a guy like yourself, not a rampant incel, just states facts and expresses "Yes, this bothers me a great deal, and I figure I don't really have much of a chance. I look weird. I'm no party animal. I don't make money".

To me, that's just an honest statement. I can't possibly know the logistics of the situation. This guy might be exaggerating due to depression, or what he says is actually true. His chances actually could be extremely bad.

But give it a couple of hours, and there's going to be a female poster who's going "REEEEE how DARE you PRESUME what all women want?! Sexist! Women don't owe you anything!" (as if anyone actually suggested that). It makes you wish you had a magic Admin button with which you could ban people into oblivion whereever you go, right?

Anyway, sometimes attack is the best defense. If you want to open this conversation somehow with people you won't trust will either condescend you hard, shame you, or throw fits there are ways.

I figured out one. Get the fact out there but then quickly spin the conversation into an unexpected direction. Say, "Yes, I'm lifelong single. That bothers me a bit not having done those things, but there's some upsides:

There's nothing holding me down. I could just pack up my shit. Go anywhere and not come back if I'd feel like. All my time is my own. No obligations.
Also, I'm perfectly blameless for any kind of abuse, or completely failing a kid. This because I've never even been close to those situations in order to fuck them up. The people who actually have? haha, holy shit! How do they even live with themselves amirite?

At this point, the person you're talking to is most likely annoyed with you and want to argue, but that's good. You've not fallen into the typical late virgin trap of directly inviting someone into your hidden pain (which is far far too risky). After that, do the brave-face act. They will try to pull out your true feelings. Give snippets, then quickly take it back, trivialize, "attempt" to shift focus aso. Make them fight for it and get there eventually.

Done right, you end up getting all the empathy and understanding you could ask for.

Sketchy and manipulative? Yes, incredibly so, but it worked for me when I was you, and I couldn't see any other way.

New-Distribution6033 · 2024-10-19T21:06:03+00:00

Online dating is a dumpster fire. What interests do you have? Do you like dancing? Do you like girls? If you like girls, you like dancing. Go to a ballroom dance class. Most of the women there will be in their 50s, but that's okay. You're going there to learn to dance, not pick up girls. But, they have nieces, daughters, even granddaughters your age. And a nice boy, like you, who can cut a rug is going to get matched. It may take a few months, but it'll happen.

Okay, worst case scenario, after 6 months, bo match making. What have you lost? Well, thousands of calories, physical awkwardness, and a little shyness. Dancing is great exercise, teaches you full body coordination and grace, and builds your confidence in not only from learning a highly technical skill, but also a social with well defined norms (making it easier to learn).

But, the absolute worst thing you can do is sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, and blaming others for not having what you want.

skllyskullstyle · 2024-10-19T07:03:49+00:00

It's inevitable. People are gonna call you that when you are being brave in standing up for men and boys.

Also Hannah from the Honey Badgers Radio said herself even if people call you "misogynistic" basically "no one has the right to tell you how to feel an especially if something happened to you." She said something like that in response to the constant "misogyny" title that people give out. It's gonna happen. Like, me as a firefighter putting out fires.

And I think his name is Steven said that it's actually impossible for men to be "misogynistic" because you can't really "hate all women." And all the manosphere is like that. They get accused of something like that when that's false.

But long story short, men in general and the manosphere have every right to feel the way they do now about what's going on.

mrkpxx · 2024-10-19T07:56:04+00:00

Also, when you want to vent your feelings, try not to be misandrist. Don't judge men who live involuntary celibacy. It's not that simple. Almost every man experiences a phase in his life that fits this description.

Extreme_Spread9636 · 2024-10-19T15:24:07+00:00

I don't really get people's fear when it comes to this sorts of topic. A lot of us are already pretty drowning in this and have lost absolute hope into this. Your status has already been pretty much gone down the drain. You can't fear losing something you never had or will have. They will talk shit about you regardless. At this point, just go all in in life.

oh_brother_ · 2024-10-20T17:45:47+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with online dating! Most people I know have done it and many I know have ended up marrying people they met online. It can be really cool to meet someone with the same interests as you and set up an in person meeting. There are lots of different platforms to use. I understand why you might not want to but if it’s okay and not demeaning if you decide to.

Title	Let me talk about dating problems without being a "misogynist" or other slur
Author	INeedThePeaches
Upvotes	59
Comments	11
Date	October 19, 2024 2:17 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1g6ywan/let_me_talk_about_dating_problems_without_being_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/let-me-talk-about-dating-problems-without-being-a.1533818 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533818

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