To all the guys out there with kids or wanting them in the future:

I know it is easier to accept and wallow in the fact that the world is out to destroy you. It's also easier to just tell yourself "you're screwed because you have a penis". But the majority of men I've talked to about this do so because learning the legal system, taking action, and fighting is just too hard.

Firstly, to the men that do (have done) everything in their power to fight for custody of their kids, were the best dads they could be, and in the end lost; I'm fucking sorry. I fought through my trial for a full year and know what you went through. Not only has this woman you loved, completely turned on you and left you, but you wake up at night panicking. The thought of losing your kids makes you physically sick to your stomach. You spend hours of the day doing nothing but sighing and stewing under the weight and pressure and stress of what'll happen. I get it and it's fucking terrible. I'm not talking to you.

To the guys that throw their hands up at the 'matriarchal' society because "I'm a guy and I'll lose because in the 50's..."; I met COUNTLESS dads while going through my year who had this attitude. I see men on here spewing the same stuff. Is some of it true? ABSOLUTELY! Men statistically will have it worse off in court. But at some point guys, we have to stop bitching about it and fight. This country, our families, the world needs more men like the ones I mentioned above. Sadly, this was maybe 2 out of 15 of the guys I met; a small handful.

For example, the first thing you do when you or your spouse wants a divorce? DON'T LET HER TAKE THE KIDS! If she wants out, fine she can leave, she doesn't get to take your children away from you. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Tell her (and the courts will agree with you!) "This is our children's home. This is where they are safe, provided for, and where they've grown up. Don't destroy their stability because you want to leave me. They can visit you two or three days a week at (where ever she's going). But this is their home. Let's put their needs first." Immediately, get the kids in your care the majority of the time and have the above in writing! Text, email, whatever. This will put it on the mother and her lawyer to convince the court that the kids need to be TAKEN from you. You're immediately in a safer place! At this point, if she freaks out and takes them, then you have evidence of her making brash, unilateral decisions against the kids' best interest and the courts will see that. I've watched a judge call out a mom for this and the dad left with the kids THAT DAY when the mother was the one who brought them to trial (probably thinking she'd get sympathy, it just pisses judges off)! Then lawyer the fuck up and fight like hell. You quit your damn job if you have to be able to provide them with supervision, but keep them in your posession! So many guys (even the good hearted ones) think, "Yeah, send the kids with her so they'll feel safe and loved and I'll get time with them." And the tables are flipped. You've set the kids on a new schedule that you now have to convince the court to overturn, which is not easy. This is called 'status quo' and it is KING in court rooms.

Guys, we have to get educated. We have to study the court systems. We have to be informed and no longer accept that women will get to win just because they're women. I won custody of my son over my wife because of the above action I took. She sees him every other weekend and is getting fucked over by child support. And I'm proud of that. I fought my ass off lawyer-less (against the lawyer that her parents bought her) and learned the ins and outs of the system, went to legal clinics, met with pro-bono lawyers, spent afternoons in the legal libraries, and learning from the mistakes of others on the way. Figure this shit out BEFORE needing it, have a plan, know what to do, know who to talk to (yes, find a divorced guy who had kids). Your wife is your partner, love her, enjoy her, and be dedicated to her. But prepared for the occasion that she stops loving you. It blindsides men who think they're safe. You never are. You are an individual; protect yourself.

TL;DR. Men... Know your shit and be prepared to use it! Stop accepting that the legal system will just fuck you.