The backstory is long and I doubt anyone wants to hear it. Perhaps I will share on my profile in the name of helping others that are struggling as I have and will continue to struggle.... 

The point of this post is to provide encouragement to anyone currently struggling for a relationship with their children. 

My ex-wife had actively worked on turning my 14 year old daughter away from me by attempting to poison her mind with lies and ideas that I was not a good person, to the point that she requested to reduce her time with me. 

I found out later that her mom had told her, when she turned 16, she would be able to choose where she lived, insinuating that she could live with her mom full-time. (Big mistake)

Fast forward 3 years, and my daughter lives with me full-time. She simply refuses to go to her mom's house. Cops have been called, but they aren't going to drag a child off at her age. Not at age 17...

While this could be considered a win for many, it's unfortunate because it might be several years before they restore their relationship. She has lived with me full time for a year, and she resents her mom. I do not wish this upon anyone. 

During the time when I had reduced time with her, I made it my mission to re-establish trust with my daughter. Afterall, she had been through alot between divoirce, moving, new stepparents, schools, and much more. 

We eventually got to the point where she was comfortable telling me everything (within reason). At the same time, her mom was focused on controlling every aspect of her life, and refusing to be open to her daughter's needs and desires.

What do I feel made the big difference? 

At some point, we have to understand that these little people will become adults some day. We need to establish trust, communication and a desire to have a relationship well beyond the day they turn 18.  

After getting in trouble, being grounded, she asked me if I would ever trust her again. My words to her were this:

“Someday, you will not be a little kid, living in my house, with my rules. I need you to trust me enough to share what you have going on in your life, knowing that I will not judge you, as long as you are a good human being. I want you to be comfortable enough to tell me when something good happens as well as something bad happens. Because… that's life… More importantly… I want you to come to me to share the good and the bad when you are 20, 25, 35, etc… I won’t always like what you have to say, and I might bring you back to the center of the road while you live with me, but I promise you that I will always love you and accept you.” 

I have shared this with a few people and they have complimented me on this approach, so I simply want to share with anyone that needs to hear it. 

It hasn’t been easy… We still have our battles… but with the focus of a long term relationship, it always brings me back to center. Good luck everyone.