Caution: triggering/NSFW

I (m 43) have been with the same woman (35) for about 5 years. On March 16, 2020 I underwent surgery with 2 weeks of bed rest to follow and approximately 1 year of healing time. Almost immediately after getting home from my surgery, my partner started taking ovulation tests and saying she wanted to have a baby. Not even 5 days into the pandemic and she’s talking about wanting to get pregnant. I didn’t think it was a good idea, so I voiced my concerns and also let her know that I wasn’t ready for another kid. I have a daughter from a previous marriage. It didn’t make sense at the time. But low and behold, my girl always gets what she wants.

So, I’m in bed one morning still recovering, on a cocktail of pain meds and cannabis and she comes skipping into the room completely naked and says, “I’m ovulating… let’s have a baby!” and immediately goes for my underwear, pulls them down and starts going to town on junior. This is something she never does, so I just went along with it. Then, she gets on top of me and immediately starts trying to get me to come inside of her. I knew she wasn’t on her birth control, so I tell her no and try to get her off of me but I was too weak and it was too late. A few weeks later she was pregnant.

My son is now 18 months old and while I love the little guy I feel nothing in terms of a real connection and see him more of an obstacle than anything. I blame his mother for making me feel this way. I had plans for the future, money saved and all those plans and all that money went out the window when we had him. I really had no say in the matter. She wanted a kid and she got one. And to top it all off, she decided recently to stop taking her birth control and we got pregnant again. So, you know what she does? Makes an appointment at planned parenthood and gets an abortion because get this, she wasn’t ready for another kid. We didn’t even talk about it. Again, SHE decided on her own.

This entire situation is a dreadful reminder that we men don’t have any rights in this matter. I’d say I feel lost but that would be an understatement. I feel like I’m trapped in a time loop where everyday is the same and nothing I can do, short of leaving, will change it. Thanks for letting me vent… any advice is much appreciated.