TL:DR Got raped by a girl at University, everyone just brushes it off and thinks it's funny and/or that guys can't be raped
To give some context: I'm a male, college student, 21 years old. This happened about a year ago.
I'm at the club nearing the end of a night when a familiar girl comes up to me and tells me she lost her keys, all her friends went home already and aren't replying and she's way to drunk to sleep on the street. Since we've met before and I'm close to some of her friends I suggest to her that she can sleep in my bed and I would sleep on the floor. I just figured it would be easier than trying to contact her flatmates.
We go back to mine, mind you I'm pretty drunk at this point but still functioning, I tell her to sleep on the bed and I'll have the floor. She tells me I can sleep in the bed that she doesn't mind. I have a king size bed so I agree, I go one of the ends of the bed turn around and fall asleep.
In the morning, I kindly ask her to leave when I wake up and even call her a cab. As soon as she has left I go to the bathroom and that's when I see myself in the mirror. Hickeys all over my neck, chest and abs. At this point I'm very confused, cause I had not gotten with anyone that night. I remember going to sleep very clearly even though I was drunk, I wasn't black out. I look around my room and I find a condom wrapper open, I didn't find any used condom though (She took it? Possibly to hide it?).
I call one of her friends the next day, after I slept over it and processed what happened and he tells me she told her best friend we had sex. That shook me.
For about 6 months I wasn't able to have one night stands, I wouldn't trust a girl I didn't know to be around me. Even know a year later I still find it very hard and whenever I do end up having sex it's always with someone I built some rapport with and am very comfortable around. Which is a complete turn around of who I was before that event. I was completely broken, I used to cry myself to sleep some nights, I've never felt so gross. Eventually I started getting better, that is until now...
I finally told my friends about what happened and why I had that sudden chance of personality. They laughed at me. I got comments telling me I'm a guy so I can't be raped, comments saying "so what?" As if the fact that it ended in sex and I should be thankful for. And even to people straight up stop being my friends because they were friends with her. I never confronted her because I cut her off my life and wherever she goes I just can't be around.
I just needed to get this out! I cut all those people that reacted that way out of my life, and I hope I made the right decision, it made me lonely right now but it's definitely better than being around people who belittle this situation that fucked me up so much.
EDIT: The response here has been overwhelming good! I'm so glad I decided to post here, everyone is been so supportive. Thank you so much, I wish I had the time to reply to each of you individually and say thanks. I've booked an appointment with a therapist to talk about it since it seems like a great idea. Again, thank you! It means a lot me.
[+]BootyBRGLR691 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Wow. This is seriously messed up. Why do we still think of rape as a purely women's issue?
[–]trumpolina 13 points14 points15 points (5 children) | Copy Link
Because many countries don't even recognize male victims of rape. No penetration, no rape.
I've had woke feminists laugh in my face "Wow, seriously, how can men even be raped in the first place?"
Apparently 1 in 71 men will get sexually assaulted in their lifetime, but because we are in a competition of who is the bigger victim, the "1 in 5 women" statistic makes male victims seem completely unimportant.
[–]LeJacquelope 11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Feminists don't care about rape, they care about using it as a political tool to further their agenda.
[–]PurpleAngel23 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. I’m a female sexual assault survivor, and I have been told off by feminists. I’ve found more comfort in men.
[–]hapylittlepupppy 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
The 1 in 71 statistic is likely grossly understated as men are less likely to report an assault, not to mention that pressuring a man into sex seems to be far more acceptable than pressuring a woman.
I'm female and I wholly belive that anyone can be raped and anyone can be a rapist. People who don't think men can be raped and who don't think women can be rapists have missed the point, rape isn't really about sex, it's about power and control and a deep seeded sense of entitlement that borders on narcissism. You can quote me on that.
[–]trumpolina 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I am inclined to agree, to be honest with you. It is hard for many women to come out and admit when it happens, I cannot fathom what it must be like for men.
The 1 in 71 statistic was in reference to the same study that found that 1 in 5 women would be sexually assaulted, which is why I used them together.
I am a woman too btw and agree entirely with your last point. The argument "But she suffers more because she was penetrated" is ridiculous and dismissive against men, including also women who are victims of female rapists.
[–]hapylittlepupppy 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I think I read the same study for an assignment on community health and what influences drug use, it's what's seen as the accepted statistic even though when the prison population is factored in (at least in the USA) it's men and teenage boys who are at more risk or victimization.
It's insane to say that any form of violation is worse than another, when I have had this argument I usually turn it back on them, I say that date rape musn't be bad at all because she wouldn't remember it and violent rape must be the worse or I ask "can you rank the acts for least bad to the worse for me please" without fail they haven't changed their minds but it shuts them up.
[–]Socialist133 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, that's messed up!!
[–]rokkva 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I am so sorry you had to go through this, man. You made the right choice by cutting those horrible people out of your life. It's sickening to even imagine that even after this #MeToo movement has come out that people still see women as the only victim when it comes to rape. I truly do hope in the future you make better friends that would support you a thousand fold more than those shitty people. Also good on you for seeking a therapist. I cannot preach enough how beneficial it will be especially if you are on your own in a situation like this. We need more men like you to come forward when you feel comfortable to share these horrific incidents that also happen to men and that they are not to be taken lightly.
[–]Keenin455 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Because the people behind it made the message clear: Male victims were not welcome. Exemplified by the times a man posts their #Metoo online only to be trounced and lynched by ideologues stating "#Metoo is for women only. Quit hijacking."
And before you go citing Terry Crews, they only ceded because he was molested by a man. Once he made that statement about father figures, they turned right on him like the rattlesnakes they were. Because that's what happens. So commonplace.
[–]he-hate-me___4[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Ooo. Sry nxt time will do
[–]pinkeythehoboken22 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Then feminists start on with that " well if men are really victims, why don't they ever speak up or get help?" Because it really seems like no one cares except for those who tell you to 'man up' And get over whatever trauma you experienced
[–]goodmod[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy Link
Although this is a good post, the title does not say enough about its subject. This forces people to click and read before they can decide whether they are interested. It also makes searching impossible.
If everyone did this, the subreddit would become unusable.
So please don't do it in future. Take the time to describe your link, and save the time of hundreds of other people.
When making a title, it's best to assume the reader doesn't know what you're talking about - but don't go overboard with every detail. Then check if there are any words you can cut out without losing any important information.
[–]he-hate-me___4[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry i figured the old title that showed was enough
[–]goodmod -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
I can't actually see the old title without clicking on it. That's why it's best to put the full title in your post.