xpost from /r/relationships: help convince against circumcision

kanuk876 · 2011-12-28T04:55:26+00:00

Looks like yet another case of a misinformed father-in-denial wanting to hurt his children as he was himself hurt. IE:

He's made it clear that if we have boys, he wants to have them circumcised. He is circumcised.

When people don't deal with their "issues" they pass them onto their children -- like family heirlooms. Doesn't matter if it's emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse... or violent genital mutilation.

Fortunately for the OP's future sons, the OP has exercised her human capacity for empathy and rational thought. Yay for everyone involved! Less trauma = good!

wufoo2 · 2011-12-28T14:18:39+00:00

EDIT: This was written after you posted your updates at r/relationships. That's why the doctor aspect is addressed first.

Asking a doctor about circumcision is a little like asking a tree feller if that big oak hanging over your house needs to come down. Of course it does. He doesn't make a living turning down work.

I don't trust any doctor who believes every male is born defective.

Or one who thinks cutting healthy tissue off healthy bodies is good medicine.

Most U.S. doctors are taught only one thing about the foreskin: how to cut it off. It's like the old saying about someone whose only tool is a hammer: To him, every problem looks like a nail.

That said, here's my take on your boyfriend.

The issues he raises are all emotional ones. This is because his objection is emotional: He hasn't come to grips with the fact that when he was at his most helpless, his parents -- the people he trusted and loved implicitly -- had him strapped down and bloodily separated from the most sensitive part of his body. So of course, he's concluded that must have been the right thing to do.

That's a lot to reconcile. So many men run from it. They project: "I'm okay! It's him who has the problem!" Then at the first opportunity -- the birth of their own son(s) -- they perpetuate the practice so they never have to see what they lost.

All the talk of teasing and rejection? If it were true, all it would illustrate is that circumcision hurts even the non-circumcised.

At this point in your discussions, I think you'll have to show him what circumcision looks like. There are videos online that include the screaming.* Sometimes circumstitions.com (no typo) has good links.

I don't know many men who can sit through one of those and still order it done to their son. If he can, he may not be good father-material.

Normally I wouldn't counsel such an in-your-face measure. I would have suggested giving him a printout of Dr. Paul Fleiss' "The Case Against Circumcision" with the endorsement of, "Read this, please. Then let's talk about it. Because it's important to me." As your ersatz husband, he needs to feel that he's making the decision. As his ersatz wife, you should let him.

But you may be past that point now. How that bodes for your relationship, I'm not sure. But at some point, the boy has to be protected from an irreversible mistake. When you're exhausted and on your back after delivery is not the time. At that point, your husband will have to protect his son.

They say they use anesthetic now, but you would have no way to verify that. Also, anesthetic wears off, and then the boy has a couple of weeks of healing in a diaper full of urine and feces, best-case scenario.

Title	xpost from /r/relationships: help convince against circumcision
Author	TheBananaKing
Upvotes	4
Comments	2
Date	December 28, 2011 1:59 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/nt0vg/xpost_from_rrelationships_help_convince_against/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/xpost-from-rrelationships-help-convince-against.1029995 https://theredarchive.com/post/1029995

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