Selective versus unselective romantic desire - does liking need to be "unique" to be reciprocated?

despisedlove2 · 2016-08-28T17:17:04+00:00

One thing to check would be the correlation between lack of selectivity with how desperate someone came across as.

Desperation isn't attractive.

AutoModerator · 2016-08-28T11:03:46+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair, just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

throwaway1643 · 2016-08-28T14:50:36+00:00

This is pretty interesting. I'm fairly RP, and in my BP days, one of the biggest things that annoyed me was the percieved "unfairness" in effort (I know better now, lol). I was quite (and still am) monogamous, and sunk a lot of time and effort chasing and showing interest in a single woman. In contrast, those women had tons of options and didn't have to put as much effort. So the combination of the percieved "unfairness" and figuring how unselective she was was an instant turn off. I just couldn't sustain interest once I found out she was dating a bunch of other guys on the side, and didn't reciprocate the interest I was showing to the same extent.

So, I can totally empathize with this study; that men (and women) want to feel wanted and desired, especially the person who puts in more of the effort.

Nowadays though, I accept that reality works independently of my wants and desires. So, it's best to just accept how things are, swallow the bitter pill of reality, and deal with it to get what I want. Women are always going to have more options when young, that's how just life works.

woefulwank · 2016-08-28T19:19:59+00:00

Anecdotally I feel compelled to see this to be true and accurate. Or at least yield good results for all involved. If one feels special and distinct from the rest then they are more likely to attribute that feeling of specialness to the person who projected such admiration to them.

midnightvulpine · 2016-08-29T03:01:34+00:00

At a glance and considering myself, I would much prefer someone who was interested in me. Not in someone like me, but in me personally. It would imply some deeper connection other than superficial aspects of attraction such as looks, money or fame. Something that is more likely to last.

So I can believe it. Personally, I'd like to see more research on what makes relationships last longer. A study on couples who have been together most of their lives would be interesting.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-08-29T11:57:09+00:00

I wrote about this recently, but yeah, most people want to be loved, and love is supposed to be selective and based on one's own unique characteristics.

Of course, everyone vastly overestimates how unique they actually are. But such is human nature. Attraction isnt fair and isnt even really smart. Its often based on delusions we have about ourselves and how others see us.

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2016-08-29T16:55:54+00:00

Everyone wants to feel special. This is partly why men don't want to marry former sluts. I think this is also why women want a man who is attractive to other women (he has options) but wants to commit to her only. I don't think a woman getting the commitment of a man with no other options, or a man having sex with a woman who has already had sex with hundreds of men, will make them feel special.

Title	Selective versus unselective romantic desire - does liking need to be "unique" to be reciprocated?
Author	HigHog
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	August 28, 2016 11:03 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4zyyrs/selective_versus_unselective_romantic_desire_does/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/selective-versus-unselective-romantic-desire-does.273368 https://theredarchive.com/post/273368

Comments