Made a post on here awhile back concerning my feelings about a lot of the animosity I see online between men and women, as well as I falling down the Red Pill rabbit hole. I've been pulling back from watching the content and I'm trying to stop doom scrolling. Then I made another concerning about the want vs need between men and women. I still maintain that I don't NEED a woman but it's when I get to the WANT part where things get muddled.

For the longest time I've been single in my life and I've accepted it. I haven't always been happy with it but I accept because I have to. After going through A LOT of Red Pill and Manosphere content I became even more jaded about the idea of being in a relationship or ever getting married. But then I started looking into other subs and seeing people in relationships and/or married, who are genuinely happy and looks so...nice to have that. That's where I start feeling conflicted.

I know that even if I hadn't gone down the rabbit hole, I'm not really ready to be in a committed relationship. Knowing that, I start wondering: Am I rejecting the idea of relationships because I'm not ready? Or because I think I can't do it? Or because I really don't want one? Then I'm back to drawing a blank.

And when I do start to think I want one, I imagine every possible way it could go wrong. I could get into a relationship with some manipulative, toxic, a cheater, etc. If marriage happens then you can't avoid the possibility of its ugly sibling divorce and the potential of getting fucked in court. If kids came into play what are the chances that she'd cheat and I'd end up raising kids that aren't mine. So many people think they have the perfect partner until they find out the truth.

Like I said, I don't always know what I want. Or maybe I'm just letting myself be overridden by paranoia and anxiety. Is there a way to get over this and come to some kind of final decision?