The title isn't a metaphor. There are a lot of people encouraging others to start martial arts, which is great, but people have to be mindful of the fact that most martial arts dojos are spooks. So called "Mcdojos," dojos which exist mostly to take money from hapless fools who want to LARP as ninjas, make up most martial arts organizations that I've seen these days. I spent over 10 years training karate, and I barely learned how to defend myself. Big mistake. Fortunately for everyone, in the process I figured out my big list of red/yellow flags. Keep these in mind before you pay your club dues.

Yellow/Red Flags

  1. There is little sparring: there are many dojos which focus on Kihon and/or Kata (basic technique), but these are all but useless if you are not actually fighting. The sooner and more intense they get you into this, the better. Dojos that do this might argue that beginners don't have the technique to safely spar, but this is bologna. If you're not fighting, you're not learning how to fight. Period.
  2. There are lots of belts: traditional Japanese Karate had only three belts- white, brown, and black. Adding a ton of different belts into training has been a great way to give newcomers a sense of accomplishment, but it usually just serves as a way to reward them for minimal effort. Just about every martial art seems to have a lot of belts these days, but be more wary of the ones that have the most.
  3. The core demographic is not fit, fighting-age men: This should be intuitive. Who likes to get in fights and wins? Young men. with lots of testosterone. Dojos that have lots of members that are outside of this demographic generally won't be as intense or focused on teaching honest-to-goodness fighting. This isn't even a gendered thing per-say. Having a gym full of soft, overweight nerdy guys is by far the biggest demographic red-flag, IMO. It also goes without saying that any place that caters primarily to children should be scratched off your list of options ASAP.
  4. Emphasis on traditional, eastern philosophy: I know the far east pretty well. I speak some of the languages over there, and I've mingled with the population for decades (both in my own country and in theirs). There is a persistent trend in east Asia where scam artists will incorporate some sense of oriental mystery religion in order to attract people (think kooky Indian cult-guru types). This happens in medicine, exercise, and many other areas. These sell-outs tend to have little to do with the actual philosophy they espouse, and use it as a cover to seem deep without actually accomplishing anything. Many, many mainstream dojos in the U.S. are like this. They incorporate meditative practices and arcane concepts which do nothing to make you a better fighter, but sound interesting. Don't even trust "traditional" organizations without vetting. Karate, for example, became popular in America after World War 2, and many of the old masters of Karate were forced to commercialize their way in order to make money in a cash-strapped, war-torn Okinawa. Some outright sold-out. There are many ancient eastern martial arts styles and schools which are good, but it's still a real issue. The last thing I want is for any of you to have your frame shattered by some asian who knows his stuff because you got duped into getting the martial arts equivalent of this tattoo.

If you see any of these signs, beware. Don't be afraid to ask questions about them to the gym leaders either. Just like everywhere else, frame matters when joining a martial arts gym.