Thoughts on this article?

Praexology · 2022-02-22T22:35:11+00:00

Dating is stupid unless you are actually capable of a legitimate transition from dating to serious commitment in marriage.

Guys should not be trying seriously date women until they have enough income to supply a family. Date nonseriously, sure. That is a good way to develop skills and taste and you don't really need to ask "permission" from fathers for that.

OP, you should quote some specifics from this artcile that you want us to weigh in on.

RunawayGrain · 2022-02-22T17:54:04+00:00

One guy I mentor had a -- not specifically arranged -- but lets say heavily implied marriage. This happened right out of high school. Then she started attending college and decided that he was a ball and chain, and she wanted to have her fun. So he's now stuck with going without for pretty much the rest of his life. Which could be a form of torture.

So from my point of view there would have to be massive societal changes for arranged marriages to 'work', and even if it did happen you could still wind up with a dud, so don't think it'd be a panacea.

netfrontlines · 2022-02-22T21:02:53+00:00

Mixed feelings on this. He is right in some arenas, but I don't know that his arguments or conclusions are truly well founded across the board. For example, he uses the example of Jacob and Rachel as evidence that they had no intimate contact before the wedding night. Physically - this is true. Emotionally? We have absolutely zero biblical information on their relationship. All we know is that he was working for her father with the declared intention of marriage for 7 years.

I do believe that this community would emphatically agree that we are to flee pre-marital intimacy - and that we should avoid long engagements. But his example is poorly laid out. The apparent issue with his example is that they scheduled marriage 2 years out while continuing to grow closer emotionally. So... If you are in a position where you are *available* to grow closer emotionally, then why are you setting a wedding date years in the future at all? It makes sense to me if you are physically separate, and not able to see each other on a regular basis due to school, deployment, etc. The "Wait to be done with school" plan is always going to be fraught with difficulty.

Now, regarding his ultimate prescription - that you "interview" your potential spouse, friends, family, etc - and then plan the wedding quickly. This works quite well in a small community. Unfortunately, those small communities don't really exist the same way today. Individuals are able to build relatively strong communities with people they have never met in person - and simultaneously build totally separate communities in person. This is positive - but unfortunately we are a fallen people, and it is easy to live an entirely different life in different circles. Totally different online, at church, at work, or with a friend group. Interviews thus are generally insufficient. It takes a significant amount of time, and integration into multiple circles to actually identify the red flags below the surface.

Finally, the biggest caution when comparing biblical examples of courtship to today: Society today actively advocates for women to leave their husbands for *any* reason they can imagine. And society empowers women to execute on their advice. This gives the justification for a stance that it is not sufficient to agree to get a marital agreement and follow through - you need to do deep vetting, as well as keeping yourself as a desirable husband and leader. That vetting might be doable relatively quickly - but it certainly is not going to be a simple interview or set thereof. It requires walking in the same circles and getting to understand those circles. Remember that Abigail stayed faithful to her husband even though he was an idiot, while Michal despised David because she decided she knew better than he how dignified he should behave. Todays society would tell both women to dump their husbands immediately - and the opinion or conviction of anyone else would be irrelevant.

PS: There are actually Christian gals that go the other direction - and wont consider a potential suiter if they DON'T go to the father first. Admittedly - a small group. But I do know some.

Title	Thoughts on this article?
Author	Edyrnion
Upvotes	2
Comments	17
Date	February 22, 2022 4:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/syreku/thoughts_on_this_article/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/thoughts-on-this-article.1103514 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103514

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