advice appreciated ❤️

TLDR: im engaged to my perfect man. we met in his hometown and we moved away to an expensive big city for my college (1 year and 4 months together). i thought everything was perfect but he suddenly tells me he misses his hometown, family, friends and his potential life back home. im heartbroken as this seems to be insinuating i ruined his life and took away all sources of happiness. he says this isnt true, but i dont know. im worried the longer we stay here the more there’ll be a wedge between us, but i cant do anything about our situation now.

im engaged to a man who is absolutely perfect in my eyes. i am madly in love with him, he has no flaws to me, i am so incredibly happy with our life and our relationship in ways i could never imagine.

we met when i lived in his hometown. we lived there for a year, then moved to the city we now live in so i could be here for college. i had plans to move here for college years before i met him, and he agreed.

admittedly, he doesnt love this city. he knows no one and his family is still in his hometown. this city is very expensive. he just works and makes music. and i go to school, have friends, have a job, am familiar with the city as i lived here before, love the busyness of a big city, etc etc. hes an introvert as am i and he doesnt try to make friends and hasnt had a ton of friends in the past. but he seemed ok w his lack of friends and seemed accepting of the fact that he, for now, has to sacrifice living in a city he doesnt love to be with me.

we’re in quarantine right now. im loving him like crazy like always and i know he loves me. he is not the most verbally loving to me (but he shows it thru actions). he always has seemed a little depressed and unhappy with life since i met him. the quarantine bummed him out a bit more than usual since it just reminds him ‘its one thing after another’ with our struggle for money (two min wage jobs in an expensive city). i know its not an ideal situation and i feel guilty from time to time. all this makes him sound like hes not a strong partner, but he is all that and more and is coping greatly with his flaws and is an incredible man in every way. anyway, it all came to a head tonight when he facetimed his mom who lives in his hometown.

after the call, he said sadly, “i can tell she misses me.” and i was struck again with guilt about dragging him out here to a shitty situation that was 100% my fault. but instead of shoving in his face my own sadness, i let him talk. hes not the most emotional, so i grab onto any chance i get to hear his innermost feelings. he goes on to ask me with a sad smile, “do we really need to stay here?” i explain again, “i need to baby, for school.” and he nods. he goes on to say a long statement, basically saying he misses his family, he misses his hometown, he misses his friends (most of his old friends were female and he says he cant talk to them bc he doesnt want to hurt me as im admittedly a very jealous type), he misses not being in a financial rut living paycheck to paycheck. unrelated to me, hes been feeling a lot of regret lately of decisions hes made in the past and thinking a lot what couldve been different if he stayed in contact w certain people and took different opportunities than he did.

i let him talk and tried to comfort him the best i could, and hid my tears, but ive been really hurt since. to me, everything he was saying was that ive ruined his life and taken away everything thats made him happy. he says this isnt true, but it seems obvious. i wonder if he thinks about whether im worth it. it adds on considerably to a lot of guilt i already have about how ive conducted my life, and the mistakes ive made. i can see his side 100% and often think it was a mistake to move here, but now i cant do anything about it. i am scared its going to keep pushing a wedge between us the longer we live here. im scared and hurt.

i just felt like our fairy tale that i imagined we had is false. at least not in his eyes. i wonder if he loves me the way i love him. i wonder if he hates our life together.