Operant Conditioning

FlouncyMcTwinkle · 2021-03-15T16:06:01+00:00

I found from experience that you can't lead your Man to step up to be a different type of man.

You can adapt your own behaviour though to elicit a different response. You want him to pursue you more - have you tried stepping back and giving him space to do so? Have his approaches been swatted away a lot in the past? Are you nagging and putting pressure on him for certain things? This may be making him wary or believe that he'd be wasting his time. For example my ex would be worried he couldn't make me orgasm, so he started avoiding sex when it felt too much like hard work. Easier to use his hand instead. Didn't know what to do when I started wanting a more fulfilling sex life.

You could try a bit of reverse dread and make yourself more elusive perhaps?

Be careful with the 'whatever you think' line. You are allowed an opinion. its hard to suddenly stop ingrained behaviours like criticism. What you can do is apologise for it afterwards.

Personally though, be careful about busting a gut trying to do anything and everything to make your relationship work for you. Take a good look at how much effort he's putting in also.

Also - there are no alphas and beta's. Just Men with a range of different behaviours, some labelled as alpha and others beta. An appropriate (for you) balance of both is what you need.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-03-15T18:53:09+00:00

Specifically wrt the “whatever you think” piece, if he says he wants your opinion, counter it with something straightforward like “I’m okay with both/all of the options, so I’m happy to support your decision” or “this is a you decision babe” or “can you take care of it, love?” Something along those lines can more firmly put the ball in his court so he feels more ownership of the decision.

He’s an adult - as the others have said, you’re unlikely to really change him. So just do what you can on your end. With the self-care piece, have you explained to him how much it means to you to have that time? Telling him something along the lines of “when I take time to care for myself, it refreshes me so I can be the absolute best wife I can be” (I know that’s kinda cheesy, but I hope you get what I mean). It might be possible he doesn’t understand how much it’s something you need?

Also, don’t underestimate a good bit of teasing in working him up for the bedroom!

kensababa · 2021-03-18T15:35:07+00:00

We all use operant conditioning in subconscious attempts to change those in our environment all the time, unintentionally. However, there is a question of manipulation when you are doing it in a systematic way without someone's consent.

I think a better approach is to tell him how you feel and how you'd like him to change. Be kind, be sweet and respectful, but tell him your needs. A good man will care about your needs being met and will make the effort to try to meet them, within reason. Counseling is also a great idea if you struggle to have these conversations; I'd seek out someone who does sex therapy too if you're looking to improve things in the bedroom.

But (and even with operant conditioning), you can't expect miracles. You can't change someone's personality or deep relationship needs. It could be a compatibility issue and that's a reality you might have to accept.

Title	Operant Conditioning
Author	Beautiful_lie85
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	March 15, 2021 3:36 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/m5btow/operant_conditioning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/operant-conditioning.767471 https://theredarchive.com/post/767471

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