Please help me stop the hamster!!!

teaandtalk · 2019-02-09T23:42:20+00:00

Congrats on your pregnancy!

The hormonal changes from pregnancy are real, and there's absolutely an increased urge to 'nest' (it's just going to get worse as you go along), so it's good that you're noticing and addressing this now. I assume you're living with someone's parents.

A couple of suggestions:

Are your aims/goals for your future home realistic? If your husband thinks you need 2.5 bathrooms and a pool, it's going to be harder for you to get the money together to move out. Make sure you are both on the same page about what you're actually aiming for.
Do you trust his decisions generally? Do you respect his opinions and wisdom? I hope the answer is yes. Keep reminding yourself of this: that he is a smart man who makes good decisions, and is working hard for the two (three) of you to have a good future together. If you agree that his decision is 'the most practical and logical', then you need to actively keep deciding to follow, to submit. It's hard! A lot of this is! But you've made the decision to follow your husband, to submit to him, because you DO respect his decision-making skills.
Remember that your wants (a place of your own, NOW) are not universal wants or a guaranteed. A major part of being an adult is not indulging your 'wants' at the expense of your future. In this case, pushing for you to move out now is a 'want', not a 'need'.

Good luck! I know it's incredibly hard feeling like you don't have a place of your own to nest in. Especially when you're living with family, it is rough on the feminine soul. Could you ask whoever's house you're living in if you could have a little patch of garden, for example? Or put a window box in the bedroom you share and grow some flowers? When I was living out of a suitcase in my mid-20s, that was something that helped: every new place we traveled to, we'd set up our bedroom with a couple of nice things and some greenery; it always made me happier.

spacebeerpickles · 2019-02-10T19:07:35+00:00

I'm in a similar situation right now/for the last three years (sans nuggets though) and although it's been a technically joint decision to go this way I have wanted nothing but a house (with no roomies) and to be a housewife for the last several years. We have had roomates prior to, and during our entire marriage, and we've been married for over 2 years. Have not yet been married AND lived by ourselves.

It's something I ache deeply for and it's often difficult to get through going without it because I WANT IT at a primal level. It's been a few years now and one thing I've had to accept is that it doesn't just get easy to accept. The desire never goes away, I'm constantly dealing with a deep-feeling pain of not being at where I feel I'm meant to be in this life yet, and, that I'm not contributing to my marriage in the way that I passionately want to/am capable of doing when unhindered.

Just keep going, the only way out is through. When struggling with something like this - respond to that struggle by prioritizing how you do things as a household by putting the "we" over the "me". In a situation like this, when it maybe feels to you less like "we" and more like "him" - but you logically know he is technically the one doing what's best for you guys as a household - then you have to humble yourself enough to accept that he is currently the one carrying both of you via his responsibility, and recognize that he is being motivated to act on behalf of both of you whereas you're focusing only on yourself in this case. Because of that, putting his take on things above yours, regardless of your strong feelings, is how you will manage to put the "we" above yourself right now.

Also recognize that as a person he is not (only) a pillar of strength in his lead of you both (or being stubborn... haha) but also someone who cares very deeply for you. His insistence on this is his complete refusal to settle, or otherwise provide anything but the very best possible for you. This mission is completely primal to him. He may not even be self-aware that this is why he feels this way or is committed to continuing these specific plans for the future.

He insists on doing it this way even when it's causing his most prized partner pain and isn't what she wants. He is driven by this primal mission because of biology - he wants to give you what you want, he wants to keep attracting you to him as a mate/partner - so it's not as easy for him to say "no" to you as it may seem but he knows he has to be strong because he doesn't want to waver in his pursuit of the best/most long term/most stable provisions that he's working to get for you.

When you think about it/realize that's what he's doing and why he is doing it, it's a concept that's really hot and really romantic imo. That helps me get over my super strong "I WANT and I can't be totally settled until I get it." feelings that can literally be painful at times.

Squirrels_Angel · 2019-02-15T00:00:33+00:00

Sometimes when I get nervous on big changes my husband is doing for the family it helps me to reflect back on moments we made it through as a couple that he provided. Now I realize that you have only been married for 6 months but it says you have lived together 3 years so maybe you can look back and remember some tight squeezes? And if not remember that a provider needs support to. And that includes patience and confidence from the spouse at times. I will say I have OCD myself so I get the hamster wheel part. But try to remember that there is pregnancy hormones that can make you loop. If you find that your nerves are causing blood pressure issues Labetalol is a safe medicine your dr might prescribe to you. But sometimes music or background noise can help calm the hamster wheel so to speak. keep yourself busy. I will say we lived in an efficency apartment during my husband going to school and it was so cramped but was worth the wait. And I am very glad we managed like we did. Also this is just for future reference Postpartum OCD is a condition that might be worth having your husband read up on. Just in case when the baby comes you in fact need support from the hormonal surges. Hope this helps in some way.

al4782 · 2019-02-10T03:39:05+00:00

Be patient and trust him!

Title	Please help me stop the hamster!!!
Author	Pastelroots
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	February 9, 2019 8:58 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/aownqq/please_help_me_stop_the_hamster/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/please-help-me-stop-the-hamster.217191 https://theredarchive.com/post/217191

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