Research-Based Wedding Vows; What do you think?

AliceOxalis · 2016-08-19T14:37:11+00:00

"I promise to respect, admire and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become."

What if someday he wishes to become a tranny or something? If you'll admire him no matter who he changes into, how can you really say you admire what makes him him now?

"I promise to support and protect your freedom, because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone."

This seems off. Your choices are yours, yes, but there are a lot of choices a spouse can make, that the other spouse should not support and protect. Are these vows gender specific or just for the bride? Do you really want your husband vowing to support your freedom to make whatever choices you want? I'd rather have a protective husband than a freedom-supporting one.

"I promise to always strive to meet your needs, not out of obligation, but because it delights me to see you happy."

This is good, but on the days when Delight just isn't going to be happening, a serious dose of Duty is important.

"I promise to treat you with compassion rather than fairness, because we are a team, now and for always."

I like this one

"I promise to show you, every day, that I know exactly how lucky I am to have you in my life."

This is also good. Gratitude is key.

CoochQuarantine · 2016-08-19T15:34:15+00:00

"I promise to keep our lives exciting, adventurous, and full of passion."

What if your man likes calm, peace, predictable days? What if exciting adventure seems foreign to him? This is bull. What about when you get old and there is no more excitement? Just weiner dogs and crocheting and law & order? WHAT ABOUT THE WEINER DOGS... ok maybe I'm harboring some weiner resentments right now. i'll get over it....

TotesMessenger · 2016-08-20T00:53:16+00:00

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StingrayVC · 2016-08-19T15:07:40+00:00

Eesh, I picture my husband saying any of these things to me in seriousness and I feel slightly sick.

_wingnut_ · 2016-08-20T05:06:28+00:00

What is this stupid fucking bullshit. Do millenials have to reinvent the wheel with EVERYTHING?

BellaScarletta · 2016-08-19T15:30:17+00:00

"I promise to respect, admire and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become."

This one gave me a moment's pause -- whoever they become? Ultimately I decided the word wish was the operative word. Nobody wishes to become obese or obnoxious, etc. I interpreted it to mean "I will support you become your best possible self".

"I promise to support and protect your freedom, because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone."

I would use this sentiment but I would surely amend it as a vow to the bride, and perhaps a bit to the groom as well. For the groom's to the bride, I would change it to something along the lines of "I vow to take your needs and desires into the highest account when making decisions, and to always proceed with our collective best interest in mind." Something like that, basically "I value you as an FM, and will always take your contributions into account, but will ultimately do what I believe is best for us." I think that sounds like a fair compromise. For the bride, I'm still not sure I like the verbiage of "your choices are yours alone" just because yes, they are his choices to make..but they aren't truly alone -- they still affect his wife. Perhaps something more along the lines of "I vow to support whatever decisions you make, and have full faith that you will lead me and our family in the direction of our best collective interests always"...that isn't perfect but I think it gets the point across.

"I promise to seek a deep understanding of your wishes, your desires, your fears, and your dreams."

This one is particular I was very fond of -- I think it's easy to overlook the fact our partners are distinct people and we can never take for granted our limited understanding of who they are and how they think and what they feel. But, we can promise to spend a lifetime doing our very best.

"I promise to always strive to meet your needs, not out of obligation, but because it delights me to see you happy."

Delight should be the driver of the vehicle, but duty should keep the thing on auto-pilot if you ever find delight taking a nap. Again, I'm not sure I like the idea of the groom saying this one.

"I promise to be there for you when you need me, whenever you need me." and "I promise to nurture your goals and ambitions; to support you through misfortune, and to celebrate your triumphs."

I like how these two play into each other -- one to be there during times of trial, and one to be there to share times of triumph.

"I promise to treat you with compassion rather than fairness, because we are a team, now and for always."

Not 100% sure on verbiage here either but I do love this one. It feeds into a lot of what we say about never being a contrarian to your SO, most specifically in public. Defend him in front of others always and then bring your concerns later to him behind closed doors. When he is wrong, you don't need to respond with a sense of justice.

""I promise to show you, every day, that I know exactly how lucky I am to have you in my life."

I would change 'lucky' to 'fortunate' -- personal preference. What has luck got to do with hard work and a thriving relationship to show for it?

Most of these I read with the inherent image in my head of them being said from the bride to the groom, not the reverse. There are at least a few (which I noted above) that I would not want the groom to say at all, and a few more that I would amend the wording if the general sentiment were to be kept. Overall I don't think I would copy/paste a single one of these into my hypothetical wedding vows, but there are certainly a few points in there that I very much appreciate and like the idea of them being vows of the marriage -- as serious as the commitment of the marriage itself (i.e. the one to seek a deep understanding of his wishes/dreams...I liked that one a lot).

Title	Research-Based Wedding Vows; What do you think?
Author	BellaScarletta
Upvotes	17
Comments	10
Date	August 19, 2016 2:17 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4yj5v4/researchbased_wedding_vows_what_do_you_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/research-based-wedding-vows-what-do-you-think.209670 https://theredarchive.com/post/209670

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