Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 04/24/2016

fhigurethisout · Mon Apr 25 3:25:39 2016 UTC

1. How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week? Uh…shoot. I think I could have done a better job with this. Oh, I tried to spoil him on his birthday in a few ways and went out with him a lot (I’m a complete introvert so this is pretty rare for me LOL. He’s much more extroverted.) I tried to bake for him and did my best to not be annoying. Unfortunately that failed a bit. This week I want to have a zero-annoyance streak. No whineyness, no negativity, no hamstering! He’s leaving on a fishing trip tomorrow so I’ll make a nice breakfast for him before he leaves. :) I’ll add more value by not freaking out while he goes away, since he’ll have no reception in some areas.

2. What was a special moment from this last week? He told me he likes showing me off when we go out. My heart melted. Seriously, it was one of the best compliments. Now I know it’s totally worth sucking up my introvertedness to accompany him on outings. (dressing up to go out is really fun, anyway!)

He also seriously looks out for me and has lended me a ton of computer parts so I can keep working (my computer and tablet were dying).

3. What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work? I’ve really stuck to drinking 3L of water every day. Started monthly savings again. Diet has been pretty solid. I am not consistently logging my meals though, and I would like to work on that this week. Exercise was only 5 days this week. I was sick two weeks ago though and I’m having a lot of side effects from a medication I’m on, so I guess this is better than nothing.

4. Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn? Yes… we were discussing a relationship thread on reddit. Anyway, it somehow lead me to doubt whether he thinks monogamy can work or not just because he stayed silent on a subject. OK, ok… and I also re-read “men and sexual variety” article on therulesrevisited and it totally set off the hamster. I ended up somehow asking if he doubts in monogamy. He was a bit taken back and annoyed that I brought it up (because I have before), but reassured me that I have nothing to worry about. Then I felt super bad for doubting him and went into this phase where I felt like I was constantly letting him down. I was almost late for a dinner on Saturday too, and I ended up crying…yeah, I was just really emotional. Probably lacking sleep too.

I learned that I need to be careful how I interpret what I read. Of course men want sexual variety, just like how women want the most successful man. That doesn’t mean everyone acts on those primitive impulses. I also need to stop overcomplicating him. I often think he’s angry when he isn’t. This is probably residual from when my ex was angry over the tiniest things and had anger management issues. But my partner is so patient, forgiving, and good. He doesn’t get intensely upset unless he has a reason to.

Overall, last week was great despite a few hiccups. I definitely have some insecurities to resolve however, so this week I’ll focus on “owning my shit” (thanks u/cats_or_get_out) and work towards becoming a better partner and person!

BeautifulSpaceCadet · 2016-04-25T06:44:29+00:00

Good to have you back among us! :) I started missing these threads!

1. How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week? I realized that I can be a bit too quiet sometimes, and that makes it hard for my environment to 'read me'. I tried to communicate my feelings more, and I think it made my SO happier. I also feel more relieved being able to see myself from this perspective and do something about it

2. What was a special moment from this last week? I ran a 14K I had been training for. My SO wasn't there to witness it (not as spectacular as other sports) but I was proud of myself and he was super caring about me afterwards, making sure I ate the right foods for recovery :P

3. What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work? I am getting more disciplined in general, but I've been lacking in the household department. Nothing major, but I should focus on that this week. The opportunity presents itself, because SO won't be home a lot

4. Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn? Nothing particularly tough, no. SO and I are still madly in love, and rarely argue. Had to shut up the hamster a few times, but nothing that stood out to me

[deleted] · 2016-04-25T14:01:26+00:00

Happy Monday ladies!

1) How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week? (if you are single, this can be applied to friendships and family)

Goodness, where to start? I had a hamster moment (legitimately) this past week and I was able to implement STFU before it spiraled. Fortunately, I got over it and my bf had a good sense of humor about it! Now it's a joke between us!

2) What was a special moment from this last week? (in your relationship, your friendships, or life in general!)

I wanted my bf to sleep over because I missed him. I guess my girl game was on point because I didn't ask him again but he ended up sleeping over yay! :3 It was lovely. Those long ichabod crane arms yasss.

3) What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work?

I'm proud that I'm learning to relax in relationships. I'm still working on not hamstering on the backend.

4) Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn?

Someone I cut off keeps trying to force me to contact him and I've been pretty good on keeping my boundaries. I'm more and more comfortable every day with saying "no" and holding my ground and just putting myself and my needs first and it's a really empowering feeling. Everyone in my life is in it by choice. I don't have to put up with something or someone, I don't have to deal with.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-04-25T14:14:29+00:00

1.How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week?

I was my SO's soft place to land in the face of going through some shit myself. I wasn't clingy or negative and I remained as positive as I could be through some things. I didn't lash out at him when I was down in the dumps. Instead I talked about some things to the appropriate people and worked through my issues. When my SO had some stuff come up I was able to offload some of his issues so he didn't have to tackle everything alone. He is good like that but even better when he can focus on one thing at a time.

2.What was a special moment from this last week?

This weeks special moment is brought to you by the letter P. I sat with my SO's kids at the piano and had a moment with them. I looked back and my SO was just beaming with utter pride and love for all his girls enjoying time together. He was just smiling behind us. I'll never forget that look.

3. What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work?

I'm working on trying to journal every day. I was doing well for lent but now that has gone to the wayside. I wind up doing it m-f but then the weekends I forget. Last week was atrocious though because I was in an out of the office so I missed about 4 days. But I keep working on it.

4. Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn?

Yes, I did. Last week, I was robbed. Two of my refrigerators stolen. I mean c'mon. Really??!?!?1 I learned that i need to be on top of security at my empty building. I fudged that up. I need to take a more active role in the property development side of my business and not just assume others are handling it up to my standards.

eliza_schuyler · 2016-04-25T15:32:05+00:00

How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week? I have been very supportive over the last almost month now as my husband accepted a new job, trained his replacement, and then began his new job. I have barely seen him. The nagging has been nonexistent and I have been completely focused on being his soft place to land.

What was a special moment from this last week? This is one of those "its the thought that counts" moments and you just have to laugh at because it got ridiculous. My husband went to a networking event and there was a ton of food and people were bringing home leftovers. My husband can't seem to think five minutes in front of his own face so the fact that he remembered he had a 5 months pregnant wife at home was shocking to me. Not so shocking? He left the food on top of his car. 😂😂

What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work? Proud of: cutting down on the nagging, being his soft place to land. Needs work: stfu

Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn? Because of DH's new job, training cut into the first half of last week. The training was 2 hours from us on his half of April vacation with his boys. I switched my work schedule so that I could be home. The boys exhausted me (they do even when I'm not pregnant) and because I rearranged work, I'm currently on day 6 of working 7 in a row. This is an exhausted woman right here!! The past 3 days I've been taking things waaaaaaaaayyyyyy too personally and the nagging has crept back up. It's no surprise - between work and the kids I haven't had a day to myself since a week ago last Wednesday!

Self care is so important and that's what I've been noticing that past few days. I have no time for myself, my home, and it's taking its toll.

littleteafox · 2016-04-25T19:57:30+00:00

Ah last week during the week SO and I didn't get to spend as much time together as we're used to, so we made up for it this weekend :) I met some more of his friends and we all played Superfight into the wee hours of the morning which was fun, and Sunday we went hiking together. We also had a good talk about what we want in 10 years and discussed our ideas for kids. He really want to have a boy to carry on the family name since he's basically the last of the line. I am fine with either. We both want between 1-3. I mentioned that I wanted to be a SAHM at least until school age which he was agreeable with too. We also had some fun looking at house listings together and talked some more about his reno plans for his current house that he's planning to flip (I'm in charge of landscaping and decorating). I also asked him what he thought made a good girlfriend, because I wanted to make sure I was doing a good job. His first answer was "you!" haha, but when I probed him for more all the qualities he listed were things I was already doing so I felt pretty good about that. :)

I also had a moment of vulnerability with him. We were out to dinner and talking about gardens and it made me a bit teary-eyed since gardening reminds me of my grandmother whom I was close to and who died 3 years ago. I still miss her, and miss spending time with her in her garden. So I got a little choked up and I could tell he was affected by my emotional state too. He did his best to change the topic a bit to get me talking about something else which worked for the most part :p

How have you brought value to your relationship in the last week? How do you plan on doing it this week? I've been supportive and understanding of his work schedule, which he appreciated. We were just talking about how in his previous relationships girls nag on him about working too much, etc. I actually love his work ethic and the success that's come from it! This week I want to add a personal touch to his house I think. Since he's renovating it we spend most of our time at my place, but there are nights when he's home and I'd like him to have something there that reminds him of me or just makes him feel good. I dunno. Flowers? Muffins?
What was a special moment from this last week? Future talk is always nice, especially when we are in agreement about certain things like family life, kids, houses, etc. Somehow weddings talk came up (we're going to a lot of weddings this summer) and I mentioned how I don't like all that fuss. He said "Aw c'mon, for someone who likes dresses so much you don't want a reason to wear a fancy one?" and I just laughed and said I'd still want to wear one, but I'd rather just elope with only the other person and just have the person performing the ceremony there, and then go straight to honeymoon! I was careful to not say "we" or "us" and kept it just generalized, but he said "I think I'd be fine with that. Maybe have a big party after?" o.o Meep.
What habits are you proud of developing? What habits need work? Super proud of this: last week I severely cut down on my starbucks. While tastey the chai is just so sugary and is empty calories. So instead I had some iced green tea. That's an easy 240 calories saved! Woohoo. Stupid habits! What was once a once-a-week treat with a coworker as our sanity break from work turned into an every-day lunch time outing. It's good to get out of the office but I definitely do not need all that sugar.
Did you experience any tough situations last week? How did you handle them? What did you learn? Nothing too tough, fortunately.

rainbowsparklekitten · 2016-04-26T08:47:27+00:00

I hope I'm not too late to the party! Okey dokey, let's answer these questions...

I was very successful at not letting my hamster show for the entire week- instead of voicing any anxieties or worries to him, I wrote them down in a journal and was able to move on and be positive instead of dwelling- it was an experiment I was trying, and it worked so well. I'm going to keep that one up for sure. I surprised him with his favorite dessert on Friday, after secretly conducting several test batches while he was off doing things with his guys. I also presented him with a quilt that I made for him as a thank you for supporting me while I'm going through a hard time with my health and can't work. Additionally, I didn't fall behind on any of my domestic tasks: laundry is all caught up, I even ironed, I didn't miss a single meal prep, including lunch which I packed for him, the house is clean and orderly, the pets are groomed and I did an excellent job in respect to taking care of my more intimate duties too, which he complimented me on! ♥
My "big" special moment this week was when his mother gave me her family's recipe collection that's usually passed down through the daughters. She never had a daughter and told me that she didn't want the recipes to end with her, so she gave them to me, and we spent a day cooking together, and she showed me some of her tricks that she's picked up over the years, and helped me with the tricky part to my SO's favorite dessert. This was all so huge for me because I didn't really have a good relationship with my mom, because the CC was more important to her than I was. So, being accepted as "daughter" status was just so, so, so huge. I cried, she cried, there were hugs, and I feel so much closer to her. I cannot wait to call her "Mom". Another big moment was when I got some great news regarding my health situation. I don't know how much detail is okay to go into here, as I am new and I don't want to throw my problems out there... Anyway, the treatment is going well and what we were worried about didn't happen, so yay! I told him, and we celebrated. So, two big, awesome things this week. I feel pretty blessed.
I was really proud of being able to keep my negative thoughts and anxiety to myself and work it out on my own and with my therapist, instead of with him, because he isn't my therapist. It doesn't mean that I can't lean on him, but I only do so now when he offers to be there. So to the point: I'm going to keep up that journaling. I've found that when I write down a worry, I can get it out of my head and stop obsessing about it. He's noticed a marked change in my positivity level and he's thrilled. I need to work on drinking more water and I do need to dedicate more of my day to my physical therapy, and I also need to be better about resting, because I am still pretty sick and I need to rest. I think I need to work on feeling less guilty about resting, because, as silly as it might be, I feel like there's other things that would be more productive or serve the household as a whole better, that I could be doing instead. I think I need to reframe it in my head in another way, but I'm not sure how to frame it best, yet.
The toughest situation this week had to do with wedding planning- sort of, the photographer specifically. My SO is also a professional photographer so he has very specific things that he's looking for in one. He finally found someone whose work he adores and who had a similar take on photography as him, so we booked a session with him for some pre-wedding shots. My guy is very into photoshoots, because photography is his passion, so while we handled the engagement photos on our own, thanks to tripods and timers, he wanted something on top of that, just for us. Not quite a boudoir shoot, but still intimate and for our eyes only, and the plan was if he was happy with this, we'll have found who we want for the wedding itself, since this guy specializes in all things "romance/wedding". Anyway, it did not go well at all, and it crushed him. I've honestly never seen him so upset. I did my best to give him the space he needed and not smother him while he dealt with how he felt about it, and figured out what he wanted to do about it, but I also made it clear through my actions, that I was there for him when he needed me. I listened as he vented about it all, and I cuddled with him when he just wanted to be quiet. I didn't pressure him into talking about any of it, which was a huge win for me, I pressure him into that a lot- a habit I'm trying to break. The shots themselves weren't bad, it was the editing that pissed him off. I heard that, and listened to what was off about them to him, and I called the photographer while my SO was at work, and worked it out with him to get a re-edit taking those critiques into account. All of this was helped by the fact that I'm familiar with design and photography, so I was able to relay the problems well. He apologized, and the problem was that he let a recent hire to his studio do the edits- he didn't do them himself. He'll do the re-edit once for free, which was fantastic news. I'm currently conflicted about whether or not to tell my guy about what I did, or surprise him with them. I think he'll be happy that I heard what was upsetting him and took initiative to fix it. I do tend to be a bit too passive sometimes, when it comes to him. I never want him to feel like I'm stepping on his toes, so I can come across as pretty meek. He's expressed that I could stand to be a little more assertive at times.

What I learned from all of that is that I am capable of just listening and being there to support him. He'd never really allowed me to do that for him in any big or meaningful way, and while this might be a silly problem to some, it was a huge one for him. In the end, I was honored that he let me see that he was in pain and he came to me with his frustration, anger, resentment and general upset. Now we'll see if I made the right choice regarding the photos themselves, in the near future...

Title	Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 04/24/2016
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	April 25, 2016 3:00 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4gbfxr/weekly_selfreflection_thread_04242016/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/weekly-self-reflection-thread-04242016.210072 https://theredarchive.com/post/210072

Comments