[19F/21M] Relationship advice please?

RPWAlethiaTheElf · 2015-05-17T04:26:46+00:00

[...] I would allow them to be raised Catholic, provided I was also able to teach them about all world religions, because I think it's important for them to learn tolerance.

Just by you saying this, you are going to have problems in the future. You approach the subject as if you think Catholicism isn't tolerant and that will insult your SO, guaranteed. Your responsibility in the marriage contract (that you need to sign in order to get married in the Church) is that any kids born of your union be raised as Catholic and if you are making an active attempt to teach them of different faiths when they are young, you are doing nothing but confusing them and negatively intervening with their religious upbringing. This will be completely disrespectful to your S.O.'s wishes and cause severe friction in the marriage. You teach tolerance through the Golden Rule, not by confusing them with a million ideas during their youth.

Pink_acetaminophen · 2015-05-17T03:44:19+00:00

I think differences in religion especially with how seriously someone takes them are a major source of either bonding or destruction in relationships. My advice is to take the relationship slow and really discuss every question and concern you have about the specifics. It's way easier to ask an uncomfortable question and then get over it than waste years just to be disappointed or do physical things that you can't take back. For some people their religion will really affect daily activities and expectations from relationships so you have to deal with unique boundaries. Personally i don't want to take part in any organized religion and dating an agnostic person is part of my small non negotiable list in a partner. In my perspective i want to believe things that can be scientifically tested or observed so it's really important that my life partner shares similar views and is able to think on his own. I'm lucky because my boyfriend is agnostic and we can discuss raising kids and having a life with good morals without any magical influence. Some people wouldn't consider dating a person without strong religious beliefs but we're the opposite.

TempestTcup · 2015-05-17T15:39:28+00:00

This is a post that is basically asking how to undermine your boyfriend's religion and lifestyle: how to go about undermining the religious upbringing of his (maybe) future children; how to embarrass him in church by not taking the host. We don't do that here; you would know, if you really read around RPW.

TheLadyPainter · 2015-05-17T04:17:16+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you, agnostic and dating a devout man. It works for us because we both like to discuss our beliefs, and have very interesting conversations based on them. Neither of us is trying to prove the other wrong, and we respect each other's stances. I'm going to get my heathen butt baptized and we'll get married in a church. We talked about kids and decided that our children will be raised with his religion, though we will educate them about world religions/cultures when they get old enough. None of this is awkward or causing tension because we have an open communication going on.

Your relationship is still early (3mos based on other comments), but don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Don't be worried about scaring him off or hearing something that may be a deal-breaker because the relationship feels nice as of now. If something is going to drive a wedge between you two, it's better to know now rather than 6mos or 1yr down the line. At the very least, make sure he respects your beliefs. Mutual respect of each other's beliefs is the first step to being able to communicate openly about any issues that may arise.

emphesym · 2015-05-17T03:40:18+00:00

I am atheist and it's a dealbreaker for me if someone is religious. It just is a completely different world view than me, and I would prefer someone I was more intellectually compatible with.

However, a lot of topics I like to talk about with my boyfriend involve things that we couldn't talk about the same way if he was religious. We talk about morals, science, philosophy, society, etc, and I'm not able to discuss these things in the same way with religious friends.

He doesn't seem that willing to discuss it, so I would assume it could lead to conflict... I've found some people totally shut down the topic and some are able to discuss it without being awkward. It doesn't seem like a good sign to me that he's in the first.

How long have you been dating? It doesn't sound like a very long relationship and that's why I'm wary of you thinking you see a future with him because that takes time and experience to know.

munchinggobbles · 2015-05-17T04:25:16+00:00

As a religious person, I can understand your friend's problem. Religious people are very stubborn with their views. If he's as religious as you say he is then changing him is practically impossible. In the end its how much you're willing to compromise on your behalf. In the beginning everything might seem to be going smoothly, ( honeymoon phase helps overlook all the problems) but in the long run it will become a problem and since he is going to be your future captain, difference in opinion will causes for an unstable boat. Try not to let your emotions cloud your judgment. Since your agnostic depends if you have a more inclination towards atheism or religion. The latter can be worked out. I have fallen head over heels for atheist and when I found he was an atheist, I was heart broken. Particularly because he lived by the principles that his actions did not have any consequences in the end , which is the exact opposite to what I believed in. You should understand that in the end he will need his children to take a religious route irrespective of what you teach them and if he feels something that you say will make them change their mind then he will ask you to stop. If you can live with that then go ahead and pursue the relationship, if not then just move on or you'll be wasting your best years on a lost cause.

Title	[19F/21M] Relationship advice please?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	May 17, 2015 2:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3684t0/19f21m_relationship_advice_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/19f21m-relationship-advice-please.166256 https://theredarchive.com/post/166256

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