A Minor Complaint

quadtodfodder · 2013-07-23T17:12:58+00:00

The South.

margerym · 2013-07-23T17:39:56+00:00

I don't mind it. But I am a woman that says "babe" "love" and "hun". I have been gotten after for it by women more times than I can count, honestly. Most don't care but some take special offense to it. Like shrill "how dare you!" offense. It helps me weed out people I can stand from people not worth my time.

I guess I'm a sucker but I find it endearing. If a man uses it easily I just inwardly roll my eyes. If he only uses it after getting to know me I think it's sweet.

hateCaptchas · 2013-07-23T16:03:53+00:00

I find that it depends on the age of the man. Elderly men who do this strike me as cute - well, they don't use 'babe.' Professionally, it does bother me. I once had a supervisor that liked to assign 'pet' names to his team. I was not fond of the name he chose for me. One day, walking down the hall, he shouted at me using my 'pet' name. I simply waited until he caught up, leaned in and spoke very softly but firmly and said "You may either address me as <given name> or Mrs. hateCaptchas. Do not refer to me as 'pet' name again."

I had a pleasant smile on my face at the time and, to any onlooker, it wouldn't look like a tense conversation at all. I didn't humiliate him, and that is so important. We had a great professional relationship after that.

One of the things that I think is lost these days is the idea that you really can assert yourself without completely humiliating or alienating people. You don't have to crow about it like it's some grotesque trophy. If you maintain dignity - yours and the other person's - things tend to work out much better.

TempestTcup · 2013-07-23T16:12:53+00:00

I just "Puddin' Head" them right back.

sugarcrush · 2013-07-23T16:38:43+00:00

It doesn't really bother me. I live in the south though, so it's common for everyone here, not just a man thing. I usually get sweetheart/sweetie or honey. Babe is just weird!

Luckily most people I see are professional and don't get flirty with me. Definitely don't feel guilty about acting coldly when they are the one acting inappropriately. Next time someone does that, maybe you could try interrupting them with "I prefer danabanana, thanks" before they keep going.

SoftHarem · 2013-07-23T16:58:56+00:00

I think a lot of it has to do with location and environment. I call women I am comfortable with "Darlin'" or "Doll" on a regular basis but when it comes to colleagues I am about as professional as it gets. HR departments aren't exactly fair in their judgments and we all know how powerful the hamster is when she wants to get offended.

empyblessing · 2013-07-23T17:28:28+00:00

I think this is something you could learn to let go. If you tried you could find the good in what others are saying.

Instead of hearing babe as derogatory you could hear it is the man expressing his need to feel close and protective of women.

TempestTcup · 2013-07-23T19:47:06+00:00

im aware of the southern mode of address, the thing is, we ARENT southern. this is philadelphia and it is NOT traditional for people to address each other that way. this is something ive only noticed in the last few years, and all of the men doing it are working class and i get the DISTINCT impression its a way of flirting inappropriately to get business which is icky ab initio...these arent older men either, these are men my age and sometimes younger. its not that im offended, its that my husband would be very angry if he knew men were addressing me that way and as soon as i hear it im filled with guilt that its even happening, i am middle aged and dont dress provocatively or act "on the market" and it makes me feel like im somehow being immodest when i know im not and giving credence to my husbands worries when im out there in the world of strange men. also, i really cant stand being put in an uncomfortable position by other people, which i think is an INTJ thing, because im too earnest and would feel uncomfortable and abrupt trying to tell them to stop, my usual solution to discomfort is avoidance, but its becoming prevalent and hard to avoid

allsystemsgo · 2013-07-24T04:59:26+00:00

Guy here, totally agree with you. I think it is inappropriate to call anybody hon, babe etc when you are dealing in a work based professional way. Only friends should say this to each other, and to people who aren't obviously romantically spoken for.

Title	A Minor Complaint
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	31
Date	July 23, 2013 3:46 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1iw1jz/a_minor_complaint/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/a-minor-complaint.83899 https://theredarchive.com/post/83899

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