Al-anon

booklisttoolong · 2018-11-12T22:52:47+00:00

My perspective: Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) can be full of very enabling people who choose victimhood over setting boundaries and defining/working for their wants - but that is why they are there so it's like being mad that hospitals are full of sick people.

If you keep going find someone who scares you because they are direct, honest, and care and ask them to sponsor you. They exist and they are the best sponsors. If a woman has a reputation as "tough" she's a good candidate. It will take time to find the winners but hang out with them when you do find them.

Hang out with people who have what you want. 12 steps are very decentralized so visit LOTS of meetings to find the ones with the tone that is helpful for you. If you are serious and near an urban area I highly recommend 90 meetings in 90 days because there are SO MANY meetings and each one is different. Going to that many meetings helps you get in a habit and instead of taking years to make some progress you can really jump in and get use out of the program quickly.

If you are a child of an alcoholic I found it's really hard balance to learn how to take care of yourself, know what you want, set boundaries that are firm but loving (which can mean asking someone to leave your home or life for instance), and a slew of other things. Even"normal" people have trouble with this stuff though so I don't think it's something only children of alcoholics experience. I find 12 Steps to be very compatible with RP thinking - many women hint and nag instead of outright requesting/stating changes and a good 12 step sponsor will be good at coaching one through that and helping you look at YOUR actions instead of blaming others and getting in a victim/rescuer/persecutor triangle.

You may want to consider attending some Open AA meetings (they allow non-alcoholics to attend) as I find AA to be much more about taking one's own inventory vs taking other's inventory (where Al-Anon and ACA lose me) and ACA is supposed to be about how to learn how to parent yourself when you didn't have an effective parent and you can get that from AA as well. If you can find an ACA/Al-Anon woman who is also in AA and willing to sponsor that would be a jackpot in my opinion. The more meetings you check out the more faces you will see and overhear people sharing and you will get a feel for who is a winner and who isn't. But it's only in fellowship and friendship where you see if someone is just a great speaker but doesn't actually live the principles. I've found the strongest 12 step women to be those who aren't necessarily awesome speakers but are consistent, reliable, and very straightforward so they have a reputation as tough or strict but they will help people GROW instead of complain and blame others.

Be forewarned that your own drinking will be a focus at some point so I suggest being very open about it and not defensive. Be calm if a sponsor harps on it and drills you - if you run you look guilty. So if you feel like running dig deep and get honest. Be consistent and calm and open and your confidence (if you aren't an alcoholic) will show the truth. I've seen many people who could benefited from recovery for their alcoholic parent and childhood issues run when their own drinking is in question and it's sad. But I've seen many who have steadfastly stayed and it's obvious over time who is alcoholic and who is not.

My experience: Adult child of alcoholics/addicts, stopped drinking years ago because me + alcohol do not mix so my AA work has been wonderful for my ACA issues and I don't feel a need to be in Al-Anon or ACA as I find them too soft. AA is much more stringent about confronting people who whine and bitch about others and getting people to take action but you can find victims and enablers in AA too of course. Stick with people who impress you but aren't impressed by themselves.

Vellore992 · 2018-11-12T21:44:34+00:00

How would AA be incompatible with RPW? I'd go along a couple more times to see if you have something useful to gain from it.

SmallArugula · 2018-11-28T01:18:53+00:00

I went to just ONE Al Anon meeting and it completely changed my life. Al anon teaches you that you are not in control of anyone but yourself. In my opinion, this is extremely compatible with RPW. It teaches you about caring for yourself and minding your own business, not getting involved in situations that upset you, and having good boundaries for people who disrupt your peace. All of these go hand in hand with the teaching of RPW, I think.

Title	Al-anon
Author	suzannehatton
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	November 12, 2018 9:39 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9wiglx/alanon/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/al-anon.67828 https://theredarchive.com/post/67828

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