Hello all, I would love some opinions on my situation. I (38F) and my boyfriend (52M) have been together 19 months. Everything is going wonderfully well - he is one of the most kind, supportive and generous person I’ve met. Background - we don’t live together, neither of us have been married before, and no children. (Neither of us are pushed on having children either).

When we recently spoke of the future, he said the next step would be to move in (he wasn’t asking me to move in, we were just talking in general for next steps). I disagreed by saying a proposal would have to be next for me, and then cohabiting. He was quite surprised. He couldn’t get his ahead around wanting to make that step before living together - going through a “trial” period, if you will. I highlighted that neither of us are spring chickens, and for me, I need a serious commitment in order to live with someone. I also said I am unwilling to date indefinitely without this happening, and that I would expect things to move forward next year (all things going well).

He said he sees his future with me, and I agreed that I feel the same. So, I said if you see forever with me, what’s the issue? He said we could live together and realise it’s not going to work. (I might add that where I’m from - living together, having kids before a proposal etc. is not uncommon here at all. I see many people I went to school with getting married with their young children around them, no biggie.) I said “ok and if we move in… then what…? How long is a piece of string? I don’t want to be on the beg for a proposal.” He said it wouldn’t be like that, but there’s no certainty in that either.

I feel like this is hanging over me now, and if we revisit this conversation in the new year, neither of us will have budged and we’ll be at loggerheads, more time wasted.

So although we have the same destination, we have different roads to get there. I don’t want either of us to be miserable in trying to please the other person by making a large compromise.

What do you say? Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thanks for reading!