I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life anymore. I broke up with my ex two weeks ago during an extremely transitional period in my life. In the beginning it didn't even bother me because I met someone almost immediately who I thought was "the one". Very quickly I realized that was a massive mistake because he took things way too fast and it was just a weird situation; we don't speak anymore.

The loneliness freaked me out. Having to find a man freaked me out. I have a thing for older men because they seem much more stable, emotionally and financially, are more attractive to me, will likely always find me attractive because I am significant younger than him, and can teach me so much about life. However, I feel like in my current position, I won't find that anytime soon. I am also very young.

I also have an extreme fear of being single after 23/24. I'm a virgin and so the idea of losing it to someone who isn't the "one" literally makes me want to jump off a bridge. I want serious commitment with someone who wants that as well. All I want is someone who I'm attracted to on both a physical, intellectual, and emotional level as a husband.

My ex offered all of that to me. Because I was stupid, I ended things with him. Today I begged for him to take me back and he said he'd have to think about things. At the end of the conversation he said he loved me. However, I have a very deep gut feeling he won't take me back which is well deserved on my part.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid and alone and I know I made a massive mistake. I don't know where to look or what to expect from anyone. Can someone please give me some advice/clarity/redpill me on what to do?