I should of listened to you ladies. I made a post about a guy I had just met asking if he was Mr. Right and later a post on our issues with the frequency of sex during our pregnancy. I became a laughing stock of this sub, everyone told me he rushed way too fast into the relationship, was emotionally not well and maybe a narcissist. They proceeded to tell me that they felt so sorry for me and the baby and I defended him until the very end. Well, everyone was right.

I’ve found that Reddit internet strangers are much more wise and objective than me and even my parents and some of my best friends. It was a huge, expensive, draining, traumatic and life altering lesson and I will definitely heed the warning signs much more diligently in the future. I had an abortion and now I’m worried that this and my past with that sociopath/narcissist (along with the proceeding TRO) is another big fat mark on my RMV. Still I have some hope because that’s all there is left to have. Any advice or encouragement for me would be welcome.

I’ve been pouring myself into the dating coaching program I signed up for right before I met him, spending 2-3 hours+ a day watching videos on attachment theory, relationship and dating issues, personal growth and understanding, etc. I’m trying to reread the surrendered single and maybe fascinating girl (that one was harder for me to get through.) I started a healthy cleansing diet to lose the baby weight and already lost 5 pounds in the last week. I’ve been making time for my social life and getting more involved in my church. I’m planning to start dating using the intentional dating process set out by this therapist lead dating program at the beginning of March. I’m really hopeful I’ll be able to find a securely attached guy who will want to get married and start a family soon (but not too soon) as I just turned 34.

It will be 2 months after things ended by the time I start dating again, I feel ok to date because funny enough I wasn’t really even heartbroken because his behavior and who he turned out to be was just so ridiculous and horrendous that I knew that I was so much better off and I was just grateful I was able to get out when I did. Because of my age I don’t think an extended nun mode is appropriate anymore. I got pregnant in 2 months of trying and the baby was healthy but I’m still so focused on my fertility and wanting at least 2 kids. The reality is I’m 34 and I’ll be at least 35 by the time I start trying again (and that’s if I meet a great guy almost right away). There’s no guarantee I’ll be a lucky as I was last time.

I want to date someone for at least 6 months before any major commitments so I can screen out the love bombers and narcissists. I am lucky because 3 people have told me in the last few weeks that I didn’t look like I was in my 30s at all, when I met with a pastor she suggested I join the young adults group that’s for ages 18-29. But I do have a lot of baggage with this past relationship, abortion when I want a Christian man, bipolar disorder and a host of medication related issues and potential health threats. Still, I’m feminine, sweet, a decent homemaker with a semi lucrative and flexible career that gives me a lot of free time to make dating a top priority.

For anyone wondering why I had an abortion as a Christian, I didn’t think I was pro choice at all until I was in this situation myself. I followed all the pro life accounts and considered myself pro life for years. I really didn’t feel safe being tied to him in any way. My lawyer thought he was very dangerous and suggested I move far away. He told me he would fight me for full custody and take the baby away based on my diagnosis and medical issues. After talking with his ex wife I found out that he was physically abusive to her and the kids and was abusing meth. I felt that my life was in danger and there are certain things in the Bible that can be interpreted as being pro choice, especially if the mothers life is at risk.

At this point I don’t think he’s quite as dangerous as I once feared but I knew he would try to destroy my life if I had this child. It grieves me but I still can’t say I regret my decision. I know it would of made my dream of having a happy family with a stable father and husband so much harder if not impossible anyways. Now I at least have some hope. I trust that my baby is in heaven and that God forgives me for this decision. That said I know that I NEVER would want to be faced with a decision like that in the future and I don’t think I could go through with it again.