Hello all,

My fiance (33M), grew up watching porn and having casual as well as long term relationships throughout the years. When we got together about a year ago, we both watched porn even though I knew the damages of it and secretly wished I was strong enough to not watch it and to have a man who also didn’t. I never pressured him or judged him (as I struggled w it myself) but I did have those desires and spoke about the damages of it occasionally.

We had a bit of an external crisis (work related) and I had started to become religious in the months prior and out of the blue, he clung to god during this crisis. He said he had promised god to give up porn and to work hard on his life purpose (including me as his person etc). I was super happy and again it was never anything I asked for (though now Iwould never want to be with a porn watcher).

At the beginning it was hard for him (he’d occasionally tell me a bit, though ofc no woman wants to hear that her man is struggling w not watching other women naked). Nonetheless I also struggled to give it up (out of habit) so I get it. Overtime it stopped being a thing and he’d tell me about the benefits, enjoying sex more, sexualizing women far less etc.

We weren’t living together yet but spending lots of time together bc of work (long story) and I’d never catch him in the bathroom for a long time or anything, and he shared that he was trying to masturbate as little as possible in order to give me his sexual energy. I’m 24 and possibly want sex more often. Again not anything I ever asked him for. I’m sure he would masturbate sometimes when I wasn’t home of course (sometimes he’d tell me for random reasons or others I’d just sense it).

Recently we’ve spent some time together at my parents’ in another country and I was on my period and didn’t want anything for a few days and he told me he felt bad about it and had masturbated. Post period we started having sex regularly again and I even shared a Reddit post about someone struggling w their partner’s porn addiction and he said “porn just ruins everything, so glad I’ve taken care of that.”

Here’s where I have suspicions. He caught me masturbating one of these days lol (unrelated to him I was just vacationing and horny). We laughed it off and I didn’t really care even though I initially tried to lie and pretended I wasn’t doing it out of shame lol. We had a fight one night and didn’t have sex and usually when he’s mad he masturbates the next day. I woke up later than him and he was in the bathroom for about 10 minutes and when he came out we cuddled and I noticed his heart rate was up (so is mine post orgasm).

I jokingly told him if he had been up to what I had done the other day and he said that yes, but hours before and that he had just been pooping then. I think he was probably just ashamed to admit it. But it got me thinking, if he lies about that, couldn’t he be lying about the porn? He knows I struggled to give it up and he said it’s an extremely serious promise he made to god.

I wouldn’t be able to forgive him for that. And when were together at his place )we now live together) he’s never in the bathroom for long but it could still happen when I’m not there.

He’s also struggled to give up other bad habits and has said that porn was easier than those, so the “ease” of it all makes me doubt but I also think he’d get defensive if he was watching it and I asking about it? Which he doesn’t, he’s natural about it and counts how many months he’s been off it. I also struggle w the whole all men lie about watching porn stories. And I’m genuinely terrified of ending up married to a porn watcher or addict. In the past he’d also minimize that he was a regular watcher until he did give it up, which again he’d tell me, I was so tempted the other day when you weren’t around but I stuck thru it etc. Other than white lies (like the one about pooping which I have no proof but no one’s heart rate goes up after that lol), he’s an honest good guy so I feel as if I should just take his word for it. I also never asked him to quit nor to make a promise about it, and he brings it up proudly so it would be super ducked up. Nonetheless my anxiety about not actually knowing gets the best of me

Should I bring it up one day and be like—I have a feeling you lied that day even though I wouldn’t judge you about having to get off. It had me thinking if you lie about the porn too?

Thoughts and related stories?

Thanks!