First off I wanna say that despite post history (bc I know y’all will look lol), fiance and I are in a rlly good spot. We had some deep convos this weekend and he has reassured me that his commitment to me and us building a life/family together is what matters to him, and that so long as I’m in this, he’ll do anything to improve/make things work etc. We talked about social media boundaries and I realized based off my last post “should I leave” (lol) that I really do need to initiate sex and get over my anxiety of doing so. My next anxiety is that me initiating sex will actually result in him initiating less instead of us having more but maybe I should try to be positive for once. (Advice? Lol)

Anywho. When I come on here to ask y’all for advice it’s because I genuinely want to hear the opinion of women like you, and not bc I’m creating drama in my relationship. We actually have very little drama in general tbh. So here’s what I’d appreciate some tips about, if you’d be some kind to read me, as this does bother me every now and then.

Fiance is 34 and I’m 25 so obviously he’s had plenty more relationships and sexual partners than me. I only had another bf from when we were both 18-21 and we were both p toxic and immature, as it tends to go around that age. During our relationship not only did he cheat but he also kept a friendship w his ex that drove me mad and I became super obsessed w her.

W my current partner because it’s much healthier and there’s no contact w exes, I have looked them up and my anxiety has gotten me a bit but obviously not to that extent and don’t think about them often. However there’s this one ex of his that makes me a bit insecure.

Before me he dated this girl who he ended up breaking up w for unrelated reasons. I’ve never been too jealous about her, as it’s clear they weren’t a match. But before her (in 2019) he had an affair w this other girl. She was dating someone else or something like that, and told my fiancé they were gonna break up when they didn’t. This is all info I’ve gathered over random comments or stupid questions I’ve asked regarding it all, which I know not to bc ignorance is bliss.

Before we started dating we were friends (long story) and so I know he has a thing for girls that look like this one girl. His second type is girls like me (latinas) but his absolute preference are redheads (he hasn’t told me this so directly but I just know). Of course this makes me p jealous of redheads as they’re so exotic and men just love them, and my fiancé does for sure.

This girl was not only his exact physical preference but was also v promiscuous. They didn’t have an actual relationship but I know they had threesomes etc. I once asked him if he had ever gone thru anyone’s phone and he said only one person and I asked if it was her, and he admitted so. So she was def cheating on the bf and they were having some crazy intense relationship.

my fiancé has a lot of books in his/our place and some have old notes from old gfs. Personally I don’t think this is a big deal as they are just random books he never looks at. I once found a book that had a letter from her. She basically said that she was sorry they had fought and that he had closed his door on her and that she loved him. (So it was way deeper than I thought). I believe this is around the time they stopped talking, I believe on his end and that he started dating his last ex (early 2020) whom he admitted was a bit of a rebound.

I know this was all 4 yrs ago but it makes me insecure in comparison. He’s told me he’s never loved anyone as much as me, that he would’ve never married any of his exes, and that he thinks I’m the best he can do personality and looks wise. I still can’t help but feel like this girl, although older and less attractive than me tbh, was his sexual peak (redhead, affair, threesome) and I’ll never be able to compete w that passion. He def must remember her as spicy and hot af. He literally described her as a v promiscuous and I think he fell for her despite that and the cheating etc.

He said once that he saw her at an old coworkers reunion after he broke up w his ex and that they were both single and nothing happened, just were cordial and polite to ea other.

I know this all sounds dumb to you but I can’t help but feel insecure when I think about her. And also feel insecure regarding redheads.

So id like some advice on this all in general. I know she was the promiscuous non marriage type but still feel like he loved her and went crazy about her in that short time, and it’s hard not to compare. He never brings her up ofc, last time he did he said It was all ages ago. I wonder if it’s worth telling him (at some point) that I’m insecure regarding the whole redheads and her thing or if I should just stop coming off so insecure (prolly better).

This all got triggered today bc I was talking to someone who’s the lover to a married woman and he can’t quite let her go, despite the fact that it’s been years, bc of the passion. So got me thinking of them. I just feel like he was really into her and I could never compete. Idk if it’s anxiety or intuition but ya.

Thank u all