Hello all,

I’m 24F and recently got engaged to 33M. We’ve been together about a year and will be moving in together soon (I’m visiting my family atm).

It’s a long story but we have a business together (How we met) and both work from home. This inevitable as we both have the equipment we need there. We had crazy sexual tension at the beginning as a result of working together but never doing anything and living far from each other. Of course this has gradually dissipated and I get it. However someone else posted today about how she can no longer be turned on by her partner after 10 yrs of a situation similar to mine and I’d like to prevent that.

Given that he works more than me and I’ll be doing most of the housework, it is inevitable that I’ll spend quite some time at home (as will he since once again he works there). Im terrified that this will burn us out and because im much younger I desire excitement and passion much more than him. I’ve spoken to him about our situation but he’s just said that we are lucky to be able to work from home and be together, that it is what it is, and that he’s not 20 years old anymore (he said that when I told him he’d grow bored).

Despite that I know this is unhealthy and the reason why we got engaged after less than 1 year is because of the amount of time we’ve spent together resulting in getting to know ea other faster. I don’t do well w the mundane and routines boringness etc so I need advice.

If I work hard I can have it so that I only have to work from home 4 times a week and can be free the other 3. I also go to the gym almost daily and if I remain focused (ie don’t waste sm time on my phone during the day etc) I can stretch my time there and spend more time outside the house. He recently suggested going to the gym together as it would help our schedule and I said we shouldn’t, but it might be something he ends up doing which isn’t ideal but I can’t control. I only have one friend in his city whom I see every now and then since I’m new to the city but I plan on making more if possible. I’m also planning to join a belly dancing class or some sort of hobby.

The thing is, this would constitute me being super strict regarding time and not being able to be super relaxed in my own home in order to spend as much time outside of it as possible. Like an inverse scenario basically, where I go outside to relax instead of the opposite. Given that it’s his home and that he works more hours, he’s not very focused on leaving the house except for occasionally meeting people, sports classes, etc (and of course dates but those include both of us).

We are also trying to spend as little as possible in order to grow financially and have a wedding, so even if I’m free 3 days a week I’d literally have to go to a library or park lol.

He often says he’s fine w us being together sm and that it doesn’t affect him, but it’s 100% not true as I notice that like any human being, he’s more turned on and passionate when there’s distance and independence. I’ve read Mating in Captivity and Perel explains a lot of this.

Anyway I’m terrified of ending up in some overly familiar relationship, especially at my age, when he, myself, or both of us are barely turned on by the other and craving other people/new experiences w them. It would be especially hurtful if it was him and I’d def blame myself for not prioritizing my independent life, as up until now I’ve just been home all day lol.

Tips on making this work? And advice regarding my anxiety of him losing interest towards me and me likewise craving excitement (even if just in life in general)? And how likely is this all even to happen?

He also got his party days mostly out of his system and wants to focus on our business and future family and doesn’t like adrenaline-like things (ie scuba diving running late at night psychedelic trips etc) whereas I love those things, but he’s not a fan of me doing the latter etc. So I need healthy ways in which to add excitement to my life.

Any advice would be great, thanks!