Managing relationship anxiety

anothergoodbook · 2022-10-22T11:28:57+00:00

I developed some relationship anxiety in my marriage because of just a series of crappy events (not relevant here I don’t think).

I can get really worked up over something my husband said and analyze it to death and be really upset and then he either doesn’t even remember saying it (meaning it was something inconsequential) or it wasn’t what he meant at all. I also can become really overwhelming to my husband and wanting him to ease my anxiety.

What has helped me greatly is self care and distraction. I know it seems simplistic but I’d rather not self analyze and figure out they why and the what all the time(I know why I do it, sometimes I just need to function and not dig into my psyche).

I have found the more satisfied and happy I am in my life, the less I drive myself and my husband crazy with anxiety. I can brush off a text that I don’t understand as just “I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that, I’ll ask him later”. And usually later doesn’t come because it really wasn’t a huge deal. I don’t like to laser focus in on the anxiety (which sure is probably the opposite advice from most people) because I find the anxiety tends to distort things and I’m not thinking clearly enough to analyze it anyway.

When I’m busy doing things I prefer then I’m a happier person and less clingy/anxious with my husband. Sometimes it means literally distracting myself from thinking about something he said (or didn’t say) or did or whatever. It might be a walk or a video game or reading a book or a meditation.

Men are typically pretty simple. My husband likes to tell me that all the time. He’s isn’t going over what I said or how I said it. He tends to just take it at face value. I try (sometimes I fail) to go about what he says in the same way. He can be clumsy with his words but he’s got good intention so I work on focusing on gratitude instead of what I thought he should have said.

All that being said, you can be open about your anxiety. My husband is aware of mine. When I’m being weird and he asks me what’s wrong I just say, “oh it’s just me being anxious again. I know it’s nothing though so don’t worry about it”. He will typically ask me what I’m anxious about and depending on the why - he might just say “okay” or “we’ll try taking some deep breaths” or the most irritating one (lol) “you haven’t been sleeping well, you probably just need to go lie down and get some sleep”.

Cute_Wing1250 · 2022-10-22T06:28:34+00:00

I have similar thoughts too. I think the best thing to do is communicate in a relationship to each other are on same page. Hopefully that can eliminate worrying at least it did for some people I know.

MoreMorbidThanYou · 2022-10-22T06:44:27+00:00

As someone who has dealt with severe anxiety for my entire life, and has gotten better, I relate to this. You sound precisely like I did when I was your age (I'm 27 now).

Now, I do not know you, and I do not know what your life has been like. But, based on what you have talked about, I can say that likely someone in your past has blown small things out of proportion and taken that out on you. You sound scared to have even small moments of negativity for fear of the consequences. Something that helped me with this is to remember that just because someone else in my past reacted to negative situations that way, does not mean the person I am with now is going to act like that. And it also helped to remember that you cannot avoid negative situations, but you can control how you handle them, and that is what is going to make or break someone's view of you.

Like, you actually handled the tv show situation really well. You listened to what he had to say and apologized for bringing the subject up and accepted his apology for becoming upset. He likely feels closer to you because of how well you handled that. Contrast that with someone who might have said "jeez why are you so upset? its just a tv show get over it." and gotten things heated and turned it into a full blown fight. That's what counts when you are with someone who is of sound mind.

However, if you are with someone abusive, they will blow things out of proportion. They make you feel conscious of everything you do and say every moment of every day, because you do not know what will set them off or upset them. Not everybody will treat you like this. A normal man does expect perfection from you. He is forgiving and understanding and does not play games. So, no, you have not poisoned this relationship. You are growing as a person, and the fact that you are aware of your anxiety and want to work on it is great. Do not give up on your SO just because you are not perfect. You never will be. We all have problems that we are working on, and believe me when I say that anxiety does get better if you put in the work.

That being said, if you are not already seeing someone, I suggest seeing someone to coach you through your anxiety issues. It could be a therapist, a friend, a church counselor.... anyone. You're absolutely not alone in this and its good to surround yourself with people who will support you while you heal.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-22T02:09:07+00:00

Title: Managing relationship anxiety

Full text: I was originally going to post this in r/rocd but decided any advice i might receive here would probably be more applicable to my relationship as my boyfriend and I are sort of traditionally minded (though “gender war” stuff is a favorite way of teasing one another). For reference I have been dating this guy for about two months but we do see each other several times a week. He is 26 and I am 22.

I have always struggled with anxiety and tend to experience a significant uptick in it while dating someone — or maybe it just looks like an “uptick” because I have something concrete to worry about, lol. I find myself extremely insecure, comparing myself to other girls, constantly checking for a text, overanalyzing texts, and feeling overly sensitive in response to things he says even though logically I know full well he never means things in any of the ways I imagine. I try to not to make an issue out of any of these things or even put them on his radar but sometimes he can see I’m off and asks me what’s wrong — this makes me worry more because I don’t want to be a source of stress in his life or for him to associate me with negativity. My last boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue so now I’m also always on guard, wondering if “today’s the day” and feeling like I’ve blown it any time I act less than perfect around him.

If he asks me what’s wrong I feel awful for being observably negative — I fear I’m not acting like a “soft place to land”. I want to be a source of positivity in his life, not a source of stress. I was with him the other night and our conversation about a TV show led us to a subject that turned out to be very sensitive and personal for him and I felt horrible, like I had messed up by bringing it up at all or being quiet & hurt in response to his tone (which was, obviously, upset though not directed at me). He apologized for how he had sounded, I apologized as well for my part in steering the conversation where it went, and everything seemed normal after, but I still worry that I’ve “stained” things.

I have recently debated with myself whether or not I should be in a relationship right now due to all the anxiety but I feel like it’s better for me to face it and learn to process it than to hide from it under the guise of “working on myself.” If I did such things with everything in my life that I’m anxious about I would have no life at all. However I’m also terrified of it poisoning this relationship (or if it already has) and I’m wondering 1) if I should bring this up with him and 2) how to do so. I don’t want him to feel put off by my craziness or as if my mental health is his responsibility because at the end of the day it isn’t. I also wonder how productive this would even be — like, say he asks what I would like him to do to help me manage this… I wouldn’t know what to say because I barely know how myself.

If anyone here has struggled with the same, what has helped you? How do you manage anxiety issues in the context of a (rp) relationship? Do you think bringing it up to your partner is helpful and if so how should you approach it?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Managing relationship anxiety
Author	litanyagainsttears
Upvotes	6
Comments	5
Date	October 22, 2022 2:09 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/yabc2r/managing_relationship_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/managing-relationship-anxiety.1136951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136951

Comments