Hey there :) Have you ever had a conviction within yourself that you couldn't identify (kind of like having a word on the tip of your tongue), and then you come across something that describes it and you think: "that's me!" That is exactly how I felt after stumbling across RPT. Many of my friends identify as feminists and it has never felt right for me. I didn't know there were other 'options' until I started lurking here lol

I am in an LTR (~4.5 yrs) and we have really come a long way in working as a unit. We are very committed to a life together. I had a very dysfunctional example of gender roles and family dynamics growing up; the life I want isn't the life I've been shown so far. I have had to work very hard at being a good partner and I still feel very lacking sometimes :(

My situation is this: my partner and I both struggle with mental illness. For him, anxiety which leads to depression; for me, unofficial ADHD diagnosis which manifests as anxiety and depression. I recently went through ~ 1 year of talk therapy and have been kicking ass with my mental well-being. He has chosen not to seek professional help but has recently become more comfortable identifying moments when he is feeling anxious or depressed, which has improved his mental state (from my perspective).

On good days - most days, he exhibits many positive alpha traits and it is easy for me to fall into a submissive role. On "bad" days, he exhibits negative alpha traits which in turn make me comfort test, and/or he goes very beta and if I don't take the lead then we wouldn't eat or have the bills paid. I struggle on those days because it feels to me like falling back into my old self. I don't want to be needy and I don't want to be controlling; I want a partnership with clearly defined roles, and open communication so that if one of us is falling behind then the other can encourage and/or pick up the slack.

What can I do to maintain my development even on "bad days?" Are there any other RPW who have been in the same boat? How do I support my man in his worst times without making him feel less masculine?