Relationship Help

StingrayVC · 2015-03-30T21:32:51+00:00

You're questioning his ability to pick a woman he wants to be with, namely you. It's disrespectful and men don't like it. It also shows a big lack of trust if you are having to comfort test him all the time.

All you can do is apologize and stop doing this. You have insecurities. These are things you need to deal with and not make him the middle of them. He's with you, so trust him to stay with you.

AletheiaNike · 2015-03-30T22:57:13+00:00

You do sound very insecure. Stingray said it best-he chose to be with you for a reason. And constantly asking him these questions is, whether you realize it or not, is second guessing his ability to pick a woman. Look at how you ended your post-"I fear I've ruined this relationship". Stop. It is screaming insecurities! He is with you because he cares about you and he's staying with you in this ldr because he really cares about you!

Msdup · 2015-03-31T12:59:57+00:00

I wouldn't call 2 hrs travel an ldr...

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-03-31T22:39:54+00:00

It's okay to need reassurance sometimes. However, when needing reassurance becomes too often it becomes in his mind an issue of trust. It becomes an issue of you not believing him, because of the continuous asking.

I use this analogy of a leaking bucket for people with low self esteem who need constant reassurance. You have a bucket of water that serves as your self-esteem. Your bucket is leaking and you keep asking him for cups of water. He's giving them to you, but eventually it gets exhausting. You have to learn how to fill your bucket yourself.

Working on that and how to accomplish it takes time and will vary from person to person. It could be doing things that make you feel good from learning a new hobby to making something. It could be that you need therapy to get over some of your insecurities or that you simply need to work on self affirming and questioning why you want or feel the need to ask.

Other than that once you do it apologize and try to stop. Look at his actions and the way that he behaves towards you. He's telling you how he feels with his actions and you aren't listening. Take some time and think about that.

gabilromariz · 2015-03-31T09:49:55+00:00

I've been in your shoes before but this is a good oportunity for you to do better. What makes you feel insecure? Use it as a starting point to improve yourself. I was insecure about my looks, but then I realized curling up in a ball feeling bad about myself is no help and started working on it.

It looks like you're having trouble knowing whether you talk too much or too little. You can ask him to please tell you if you're being too quiet or too chatty. I did this and he agreed on the condition that I would stop asking, he would just tell me if I was getting tubby/shlumpy/etc. Then if he's not telling you nothing, it's fine. You can also join a club like Toastmasters to learn to speak better and improve the area you're insecure about

LadyLumen · 2015-04-01T21:44:54+00:00

Stop asking so many questions. Just enjoy your time with him. If it works it works, if it doesn't...then it doesn't.

When you ask guys stuff like this, it makes them feel like you're playing mind games. They don't like that.

Ask about his day, figure out what conversation topics interest him by gauging his response to things, and don't overthink things.

Title	Relationship Help
Author	AletheiaNike
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	March 30, 2015 9:21 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/30uobk/relationship_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/relationship-help.85288 https://theredarchive.com/post/85288

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