thinking about the future...

LaurelWoods93 · 2018-01-05T12:17:31+00:00

I married the man of my dreams last year, but we dated and were engaged for about a year and a half. He was my first in nearly everything, except kissing, lol:D I knew I wanted to wait until I met the right man, and I held off until I met him and until he proposed. It was HARD to wait for that moment, let me tell you! But I knew from my faith and from seeing a few friends around me that I should wait until I knew he was in it for the long haul.

That being said, we don't talk about his past sexual encounters and I dont think about it much. We got it out in the open a few weeks after meeting. He even got himself tested and showed me that he was clean just to ease my mind. (His idea not mine) But respected and even encouraged me to wait until I was dressed in white if I wanted to, lol! It's important to know what you both want in your sex life, you'll be very unhappy if you spend all your time waiting for the ring, and find out he won't do the things you like. So definatly talk about it if you want to wait until marriage.

I would definitely recommend waiting until he's committed himself to you, whether that's a proposal or some other defining moment, where you know there's no going back because he's the one, and you're the one for him.

And if you're uneasy about a man's past, or maybe a little jealous, it's okay to be that way, but remember you beat them all and you're with him now. Sorry this is so long, lol, but I hope you find the one soon!

*Edited for formatting

nonamanuensis · 2018-01-08T17:14:25+00:00

Single ladies, do you find yourselves thinking about your future husbands as well? Do you have these thoughts? And married ladies out there, how do you deal with your husband's past relationships, if he has had any?

When I was single and after I had learned about RP, I didn't think much about my future husband. I didn't want to build a fantasy. I did work on myself and being someone who would attract a good person. Before RP I do remember daydreaming more. (Not saying RP should shatter hopes, but one day the idea of fantasizing about someone else didn't seem like a good use of my time given I couldn't change or create a person for me but I could change myself - why would a perfect fantasy guy be attracted to ME? What did I have to offer that dream man? That made me more sheepish about fantasy. I had hopes and dreams but they were more realistic...although at the time I thought my chances of finding a man in his 20s who wanted a large family were kind of fantastical lol.)

My personal line was ALWAYS (even before RP) - given contraceptives don't work 100% and I am not interested in having an abortion, am I willing to have a child with THIS man at THIS time? If the answer was no, I didn't have sex. So I didn't have sex until I met my husband although we didn't wait until marriage since it was clear (even if not the preferred timeline) that he was someone I would indeed be happy to have a child with at the time we were dating. We talked about it before having sex and I believed him.

I don't mind my husband's past relationships - it doesn't bother me that he had happiness in previous relationships, he never compares me to them (well, if he does it's always favorable to me ha), and we both learned a lot from being with other people.

vintagegirlgame · 2018-01-08T04:06:36+00:00

It's a romantic idea but remember that the first step of taking the red pill is to realize that THE ONE is a myth. Yes there will be one man that you do end up marrying, but the idea that there is only ever one person in the whole world who could possibly fill that role is not helpful to vetting and finding the man you want to marry. Women can fall in love with men who are not marriage material, and when they get so caught up in "I'm so in love which means he must be The One!" that they'll be blindsided to any red flags.

SmamelessMe · 2018-01-08T09:01:29+00:00

You should do you.

If you want to wait until marriage, wait until marriage.
If you want to wait until commitment, wait until commitment.
If you want to have more sexual partners before committing to one, go for it.

Each of these have significant benefits and drawbacks. You should choose one that you feel is the best for your well being and your life.

I hope this constitutes a valid reason to use the dreaded phrase "as a man", but here goes my personal opinion on this: I don't care. Honestly, I do not care.

I do not care if you have saved yourself for me.
I do not care if you ever had long term relationships and sex with just one or two other man, before choosing me.
I do not care if you had regular casual sex for fun. Because yeah, sex is fun.

What I do care is that you are disease free, and truly honest about your readiness to commit to a single partner, if you ask the same of me. Quite romantic, isn't it?

To mess with your head even more, in one of my two previous relationships, the girl waited quite some time to be comfortable with me, before we had sex. The relationship turned out awful. On the other hand, the other relationship started as a drunken one night stand, and quickly turned into an amazing (exclusive) RTL. I was genuinely disappointed it had to end.

Sure, this is an anecdotal experience of a single person, but it may be a suggestion that blindly following society-wide rules with no other good reason may not be the best approach in every scenario.

tl;dr: Put yourself first. Do what you think is right.

Amethyst_kitty · 2018-01-09T09:48:38+00:00

This reminds me of a story I once heard a while ago, and it goes something like this:

There once was a man on a deserted island who would always pray to god to come get him. One day a plane flies off course and sees him.

"Hey, would you like a lift? I can take you back to your home?" Says the pilot.

"No, I'm waiting for god to send someone" says the man on the island. He turns down the pilot's offer, and continues to prey to god.

Later, a boat passes by and spots this man on the deserted island. The captain offers the man on the island a lift.

"Hey would you like a ride in my boat?"

" No thank, god will send someone for me. You don't have to worry about me."

And he continued to prey for help. After a bit of time, a hardworking fisherman winds up near the island, catching fish. The fisherman sees the man on the island and asks "are you lost? I can offer you a ride on my boat?"

"No thanks" replied the man on the island "god will send someone. You do not need to worry."

And so he proceeded to prey to god for help.

All of the sudden, god did reply. "I have sent the pilot, the captain, and the fisherman to help you. What more do you want?"

The point of a story is that a person has to help his/herself. In your case, replace the man on the island with yourself, and the pilot, the captain, and the fisherman with possible future husbands.

If you decide to save yourself for your future husband so that you don't have boyfriends before him, then your attitude towards dating will impede you from meeting your future husband.

When you do get engaged to him, it won't matter that he would have had previous girlfriends because it'll be you he chose. It won't matter you would have had previous boyfriends because you chose him. See how this goes?

Think of dating as trial and error. Sometimes relationships don't work, and sometimes they do. When you find a relationship that works, it will be worth it. But you can't find one that works, that is meet your future husband, with out accepting that there will be relationships that don't work which will mean there will be other significant others before you meet each other.

Ever watch How I Met Your Mother? There's a reason it takes eight seasons to meet her.

Instead of focusing on this, put yourself out there. Talk to people, meet guys, and take steps to improve yourself. Sorry for the long response, but I hope it helps.

Title	thinking about the future...
Author	lunatic_in_the_hall
Upvotes	9
Comments	5
Date	January 5, 2018 5:03 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7o8yig/thinking_about_the_future/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thinking-about-the-future.74039 https://theredarchive.com/post/74039

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