I apologize in advance for the long read.. my life is crumbling. I need advice… or tough love.

I was raised in traditional Christian home. I come from a large family, so I was always surrounded with successful loving marriages. I knew from a very young age that my purpose in life was to be a serving wife, first and foremost, and a mother soon after.

So at the young age of 15, I went looking for my husband. I didn’t put much thought into who he was.. I chose the first person that would have me. I found him a year later, got married at 19 and amicably divorced a couple years later. We were very different people and chalked it up to being young. I regrouped. I worked on myself. I built a business. I made myself more worthy of another partner to make up for the “baggage” I would bring into a new relationship.

Some time passes (26) and I was quickly becoming a career woman. Although successful, I was empty. I was chasing purpose in a career that would never fulfill me. I wanted to be a wife so badly. So I sought out advice from every source I could. One being a famous political pundit. I told him about where I am in life and what I want for myself but I can’t seem to achieve it. His advice to me was to marry his brother.

Skeptical, his brother reaches out and we start talking. It’s more of an interview on my part because I don’t like wasting time. I ask all the important questions. I’m hearing everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. Our values and expectations are aligned. He’s all I’ve ever wanted. He proposed a month later. And we quickly got pregnant a month after that.

Admittedly, there was a ton of red flags I overlooked. Amidst my “interview”, I had asked about previous relationships, drugs and alcohol consumption and lying. I had never once considered that he would lie about everything he told me. It was impossible to me because of who his brother was, and how we both looked up to him.

Throughout the last two years I called off the wedding and I’d threaten to leave him AT LEAST once a month due to his addictions to coke/ alcohol and over all laziness. (Drinks everyday, does coke multiple times a week, didn’t work). It was always “I’m sorry, I’ll change” or “everything will be different when the baby comes”. It was a rough pregnancy, and even tougher first year raising our son. We would have some good days in between. Those would be the days he convinced me to get legally married, give up my business and leave my apartment. I constantly took him at his word, and let him lead our family. What choice did I have? I had nothing at that point. Plus, I didn’t want to break up our family for my sons sake.

Nothing was changing. His habits all stayed the same. So, in November, I finally left him. I took our son, and moved into my parents. A week later, I found out I was pregnant. And now crumbling. I’m raising a one year old on my own while dealing with a horribly nauseous pregnancy. We have no money to our name. My husband barely worked. He is a trust fund baby of sorts. But he made sure to open up his own bank account when I left him so we couldn’t use any of his parents money. I don’t know where to go from here. My family is really supportive. But i don’t know anyone who would want to raise two kids alone. Especially not me. Being a a wife was my dream. I love my kids. But my kids will grow up and raise families of their own. Who will I have? I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone now. My husband made sure to tell me that as well.

What would you do if you were in my position?