Taken from The Social Lifestyle

I've been in the game for almost three years--and while it may seem like a long time, I'm pretty sure I have a long way to go. Back when I first started there were a lot of information already available on how to pick up women, but there were close to no information teaching "natural" game. This was good because it forced me to learn how to function without routines while everyone was using them, but my learning curve was incredibly slow.

Three years later, game has moved on and now everyone is dissing routine-based game and championing "natural" game. Which is a good thing, I suppose. However one thing that has never changed is the type of guys coming into the community and their expectations.

Today I want to touch on that for the newbies and help manage expectations as you move along and develop yourself.

Be Willing To Put In The Effort

I keep stressing this over and over again, yet I keep seeing the same time. Probably only one out of every twenty guys I meet are actually willing to put in the effort. And I can tell just from a half-hour conversation with the person. Unfortunately, this is not unique to game. In my school and workplace I see the same thing: guys who are constantly trying to avoid doing the work but expecting the results. Of course I am a firm believer in optimizing effort and streamlining work to become more efficient. But that doesn't mean doing nothing.

The "laziest" people I know who are successful are only so because they channel their efforts to more useful things. They are not just slacking. I know successful guys who appear to be slacking in during lectures but are hard workers at their part-time jobs. Most people don't realize this. The common sentiment about bosses is that they "don't do anything". But much of the important work are usually done when no one notices. The CEO who meets other executives for lunch is not merely slacking on the job.

Then again it is the gear-grinding majority who assume that "getting out of the 9-5" means more free time to enjoy life. On the contrary, if you want to get out of the system you need the discipline to impose your own structure on yourself. And that means working 20 hours a day if you have to in order to get to where you want to be in life.

I know a few guys who attempt to leave the system, only to find that without it their entire lives are a mess. In the end, they crawl back to the system and become even more disillusioned than before. Don't expect good things to come without the willingness to take risks and work hard (and I mean hard). Success is paved with difficult decisions, cold and sleepless nights, blood, sweat, tears, and a whole lot of failing over and over.

Don't Expect To Be Fixed

Many guys come into game expecting to be fixed. From a marketing standpoint, I understand how important it is to give the illusion of the magic pill. A friend who runs his own coaching business managed to get a lot more students than I have in a shorter span of time. He told me that it is important to sell the magic pill then work on them once they are in. But looking at the quality of his students and their willingness to put in effort turned me away from that.

I would rather spend time on one dedicated student every six months rather than sell a quick-fix solution to twenty guys only to have them not be any better after being coached by me. But I understand the appeal of the magic pill. When I first started, I was drawn by the promise that I would never have women trouble ever again. Over time, I realize that game is not the solution at all. It is merely a framework to guide you along to make better decisions.

Three years in I no longer have the problems I faced when I first started, but I still have problems of my own. This is what growth is. The "quality" of problems are increasing. I used to worry about getting rejected, then I got that fixed and I worried about how to date a girl on the long-term, then I got that fixed and now I am working on my social value. Anybody who sells you the idea that game solves your problems is a liar.

I'm not going to spill out that modernist nonsense about how we are all perfect the way we are and we just need to realize and accept our flaws. A problem is a problem, and a challenge that needs to be conquered. But if you are going to pay someone and expect them to magically change you indefinitely after a four-day bootcamp, I suggest you spend the money buying a mail-order bride or on some whores or whatever.

Bring Something To The Table

As part of me working on my social value, I realized the importance of bringing something of worth when meeting people. Everyone has something to offer, even if it's just your attention. You'd be surprised how many people appreciate someone who listens to them. And I mean actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to interject with your opinion.

Working on this has helped me read people much better. You have to find out what the person's interests or passions are. Then offer it to them without seeming too pushy. Being in the sales line is teaching me exactly this. How to make people want something without shoving it in their faces.

I've met guys who've talked to me expecting some free tips or advice. And while I don't turn them away, it doesn't make me want to be around them. And as such I come across as an asshole to them. Other guys I've met who are successful businessmen know how to leverage on their expertise and experiences when meeting people. And it's with these people whom I enjoy being around, not because I want to leech from them, but because they understand the value of a mutually beneficial relationship.

If anything, just be eager and willing to listen. People love being respected and having their views respected. I love it too. Realize that no one is obliged to help you, and that every small action--even merely offering a gesture of thoughtfulness--works wonders.