Following are some notes I wrote to a friend new to RP, and trying to use RP to get his wife to respond positively to the changes he was making. I've edited them so they make sense to a broader audience, but the basic premise is the same. If your wife / girlfriend is the focus of your efforts toward becoming a better man, then you have missed a central point.

Take 90 days and focus on the following:

Lifting – Yes, but.

I’ve been lifting for a long time. It will make you feel great. Done right, it will make you look great. It will become monotonous if you do not have an end game (long term goal).

Different routines will produce different results. Think about what you want to do (build bulk, tone, support another activity such as martial arts, etc). Have a reason to lift other than just “lift”.

Here are the benefits I’ve discovered in martial arts: It feels freakin awesome after a workout; you have something you can do with your boys when they get old enough; it is a commitment (something she will have to compete with your time for); There is a great benefit to being able to defend yourself; she gets bragging rights with her friends (her husband is a BB, while her friend’s hubbys are all sporting a “dad bod”). To expand on the last point – the dad bod is popular with married women because it means security. As long as he’s a fat slob, none of her friends are going to try to poach him. Conversely, when you’re in great shape, it creates an ample amount of dread. It's also good to other women checking you out in front of her when you're not even actively trying.

Learn how to eat.

As you get in better shape, you’re going to need to provide your body with the best nutrition. Think about all that work for naught because you didn’t provide the fuel necessary to take advantage of the routines. There is a LOT to discuss in this space. AND, something that I think is not universal.

Dump the processed food (bread, pasta, sugar, etc). If it doesn't come in it's own wrapper, don't eat it (meat being the exception - it's packaged to keep it from going bad).

Stop living in fear of fat (even saturated fat). Learn how your body uses different nutrients at different times to maximize your workouts, and feel better.

Read "Why we Get Fat" by Gary Taubes. This is a remarkable book that exposes just how much junk science has affected our public health policy. If you're really up for it, read "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary to find out how almost every "expert" in the fields of nutrition and medicine came to believe the fallacy that fat is bad for you.

Eat natural, whole foods. Don’t get caught up in fad diets like paleo - after all, brocolli didn't even exist 100 years ago.

When I say whole foods, I do not mean organic. Do your research into organic. You will find it's just a very expensive gimmick.

Learn how to dress.

I have a RP friend in GA that went out and got some tailor made suits and started wearing them to places like the mall. The point is not to be dressed to the nine’s every time you leave the house. Women call men who look like they just stepped out of a J Crew catalog “douche bags”.

Find a style that suits you and learn how to rock it. The style needs to suit YOU. If the style you pick doesn’t actually suit you, it will just look awkward (sort of like a douche bag). If you don’t actually have any idea what your style is, give it some time, try different things and see what works.

Make sure your clothes meet the occasion. When I take my son to football practice, or a game, I wear athletic style clothing.

Stand out. When I say I wear athletic clothing to my son’s sporting events, I’m not talking about running shorts and t shirts. I wear a golf style shirt and shorts. Always dress JUST ONE level up from where most guys will be.

Make sure your clothes actually fit. If it doesn't fit right, nothing else about it is going to flatter you.

Shoes matter (A LOT). It’s easy to stand out when you have clothes that fit, and nice shoes (bonus points for matching belt). If you want to avoid having to have a lot of shoes, have a couple pair of well worn boots. Not beaten up, well worn. There’s a difference. Well worn boots suggest you’ve been living life like a man. Whatever you do, get rid of the tennis shoes.

Don’t spend a lot of money on clothes until you get in shape. You will just end up having to buy new clothes (remember, fit is a priority).

Take time out to spend with other men.

Avoid douche bags

Avoid “posers” – guys who talk a good game, maybe even dress accordingly, but have not actually ever been anywhere, or done anything.

This one’s gonna take some time – the kind of men you want to have in your life are often busy as hell. And they don’t have time for posers or douche bags. But they will make time for other men who want to learn.

Become that man for your boys. Spend ample time with them. Mentor them.

STFU

Your wife / GF has been learning how to manipulate others since she was a child. She is craftier than you can even imagine. You cannot win any argument that SHE drags YOU into. More importantly, if your focus is YOU, there is no point in having these arguments with her anyway.

Remember, when she argues with you, her goal is NOT to resolve a problem, but rather to distract you from your focus. The end goal is to keep you from realizing your potential, thereby maintaining control in the relationship.

Do these things for the next 90 days, without consideration for how your wife / GF is going to respond, and I think you will be pleased with the results.