I did shrooms last Saturday and I realized an immense amount about myself, knowledge which may benefit some of you as well. I'm not sure if it will resonate with you but here it is.

ON SELF-IMPROVEMENT

I have seen myself as confident for years. I know that as a child I had severe social anxiety, but relative to others now, I am confident. I am social. I’ve had great relationships with beautiful girls and and attend a great school.

During this trip though, I saw my interior as it really was. And what I saw was this great yearning darkness of insecurity and suffering. I saw that at my core I did not believe myself good enough for the world. I saw that in truth my entire being was a facade; it was my conscious mind convincing myself, rationalizing repeatedly, telling myself that I was confident, that I was secure.

I was in denial. And it’s very likely you are too. Perhaps you’re insecurity is not as deep as mine. But unless you are the physical embodiment of “alpha,” you have this insecurity in some way. You have an ego that requires regular validation. Maybe through success in your career, relationships, or just fucking girls. You want to feel better about yourself, because that is the world saying that you have value.

And you might find it works. That for a time, when things are going well, you love yourself and are confident. You are satiated. But it is an addiction. You need the world to love you because you do not.

This is real this is not some hippie shit. This is the insecurity that all men face. The Red Pill is on the right track. It advocates that you don’t improve yourself for others but for yourself.

I don't think most people are capable of this. I thought I was but I wasn't. At it’s core, self-improvement is NEARLY ALWAYS in search of validation. Self-Improvement really is masturbation until you can love your own failures. Until you are capable of accepting your own humanity, your own insecurity, and appreciating it as a part of you completely, you will NEVER find fulfillment in improving yourself with respect to others.

I realized that all of my lifting over the last four years has been to feed this hunger for validation. That I like being smaller. I run faster I don’t actually want to be big. I realized that height doesn’t matter except that it makes you tall. That’s it. It’s just an accessory to ego, only has value with respect to society. I realize that even though people told my I was confident, my confidence was DEPENDENT ON THEIR TELLING ME. The stickied post right now basically says, practice, and eventually society will think you will receive enough external validation that you will become confident.

THAT’S BULLSHIT. That's a fake and temporary form of confidence that disintegrates the second the world stops telling you you're good enough.

I probably lost of a lot of you but this is real. This isn’t “Oh lift weights fuck girls.” It really comes down to the fundamental origin of human fulfillment.

Or maybe this is just some self-acceptance bullshit. In that case just take some mushrooms.