The psychological principle of cognitive dissonance states that whenever we have two contradictory thoughts, we experience discomfort, and to rid ourselves of that discomfort we must do one of two things: 1. Dismiss one of the two thoughts as untrue or 2. Act against one of the two thoughts.

Cognitive dissonance is the underlying reason that so many people who learn about game don't get the real-life results from it that they want. Many aspects of learning game create cognitive dissonance.

For example, when we see a hot girl, we experience cognitive dissonance because a part of our mind wants to approach her, and another part of our mind wants to avoid getting rejected by her. These two contradicting thoughts cause us to feel discomfort, and to get rid of that discomfort we must either dismiss one of those thoughts or act on one of those thoughts in such a way that the other thought can no longer exist.

It’s true that approaching the girl would get rid of your cognitive dissonance, but doing so is hard. Unfortunately, it's much easier not to approach her, so the more common route to get rid of our cognitive dissonance is to tell ourselves that we don't really want to approach her, or that to do so would be futile.

When we tell ourselves she's too hot and that she'll reject us, or that she's not hot enough and there's no point to approach her, we eliminate our cognitive dissonance and are able to ease our inner-tension.

As another example, on a Saturday night, we may be simultaneously considering the possibility of going out and of staying at home. The fact that these two thoughts contradict causes us to feel uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. To eliminate that discomfort, we have to decide whether to go out, and, of course, not going out is much easier than going out, so we are likely to make an excuse not to go out (I'm tired, I'm not in the mood, etc.) and then we can feel better, having eliminated our cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance biases our decision making towards taking the easy way out. And when it comes to game, any decision that will move us towards our goal is going to involve cognitive dissonance.

It's never going to be easy to take actions that are outside of our comfort zone (unless you have momentum on your side- but more on that soon), therefore, most people aren't going to make progress in game in the long-term, because they will usually avoid cognitive dissonance by taking the easy way out (i.e. not taking action).

 

Overcoming Cognitive Dissonance

 

The solution to cognitive dissonance is two-fold, 1. Be aware of it, and 2. Look for small wins. When it comes to going out in the first place, simple awareness is one of the most powerful tools for overcoming cognitive dissonance. Simply learning about cognitive dissonance has planted a seed in your mind. Now that you are aware of what cognitive dissonance is, you will be more likely to act against it because you know that it is nothing more than self-deception.

 

Look for small wins

 

The bigger the thought or action that is generating cognitive dissonance is, the easier it will be to use it as an excuse to avoid taking action.

For example, if you were to consider running a marathon right now, that would create a lot of cognitive dissonance, (because there would be tension between the two options: running or not), and in all likelihood, you will make the easier decision of staying home to eliminate that cognitive dissonance.

If, however, you were to consider going on a jog around the neighborhood, that would create a much smaller amount of cognitive dissonance, and it's much more likely you will actually go on that run.

One of the biggest reasons we fail to succeed in our goals (to lose weight, make more money, or succeed with women) is because we set goals that create too much cognitive dissonance, they’re too intimidating, it’s like we expect ourselves to run a marathon without any training. I’m going to show you how to trick your brain into accomplishing ambitious, long-term goals- but for now, I want to show you how to convince yourself to take consistent action, despite cognitive dissonance.

The Formula for Action Taking

When the brain decides how to eliminate cognitive dissonance, there's a basic formula at play: we make the easier decision unless we have a strong value that states we should make the harder decision.

So, if getting in better shape through running is a value you hold, you're likely to decide to run around the neighborhood even though it would be easier not to.

For another example, imagine you were in stranded in the middle of a desert and you had to choose between two decisions:

  1. To sit down and rest to conserve energy.
  2. To walk so that you can hopefully find some water or a way out of the desert. Well, the decision of sitting down and resting is an easier decision to make, but the value of staying alive is very powerful (duh), so most people in this situation would relieve themselves of cognitive dissonance by walking, even though to do so is much harder than simply resting.*

*I do want to mention the amount of cognitive dissonance is determined by a variety of factors, not just the intrinsic challenge of a task. If you are an experienced marathon runner, the idea of running a marathon is going to cause you much less cognitive dissonance than it would if you are completely inexperienced.

Similarly, in regard to whether to go out and approach women, it will cause you a lot less cognitive dissonance to make that decision when you have already done it a number of times or if you have found that you enjoy doing it (but we'll go more into using this in your favor in the momentum section). What does all this mean? Simply put: lower your expectations, raise your results. If your standard for success is too great, then the cognitive dissonance can be overwhelming. If it is small, it will be easier to take action.

What you define as a success will determine how hard the first steps that will lead to that success are to take. So, if your metric for success is to go out and approach ten women, you may be putting too much pressure on yourself.

If you focus on a goal that is less intimidating, perhaps to go to a club, or even simply to get into your car, the cognitive dissonance that might otherwise be paralyzing, will be relatively mild, and it will be much easier to make the decision to take action.

Now, I understand that the idea of telling yourself to get into your car (to drive to a club/bar/etc.) might sound silly. Obviously, you could just get out of your car and go back home, but usually, when you make one decision towards taking action, that action has a momentum to it that makes it easier to take more action.

You could call this psychological inertia. In physics, inertia is the law that states an object at rest stays at rest, and an object in motion stays in motion. When it comes to decision making, a similar principle is at work: if you are making excuses, it becomes easier and easier to continue making excuses, conversely, if you take action, it becomes easier to take more action.