Dealing With a Beta Father

Thebeatzmaker · 2017-06-03T16:44:46+00:00

Tbh mate, just keep doing what you do. If you wanna play b-ball, go play b-ball.

He had dreams aswell, but he didn't have the courage to act upon them. You can't change him. You have to realise that there is no conflict, but tbh, that does not mean you should disown him.

I have recently figured out that me and my father are very different, but I still respect him for taking care of the family. Even if he didn't set a really masculine example.

And also, read on how to form paragraphs, bullet points etc. It will make your post more reasonable.

JcHgvr · 2017-06-03T17:12:30+00:00

Makes me wonder what's worse, a beta father or an absent one.

Shaman6624 · 2017-06-03T17:35:40+00:00

Damn man, not gonna read this. Use some formatting.

buyplugsyouidiot · 2017-06-03T16:42:52+00:00

He's right you can't change him. Everything you do from now on should be working towards becoming completely self reliant. You need to make enough money to support your dreams and pursue your goals. The first step though is making enough to be out from under his thumb. Once you don't rely on him for money (which may well be after university) you can basically tell him to fuck off and go become successful yourself. However it is you break free of him you need to do it, even if it fuck up your relationship. All will be forgiven when you become successful and he starts relying on you.

angryomlette · 2017-06-04T00:58:39+00:00

The first thing I did around the time I realized my dad was more of a trouble than help (around the time I swallowed TRP), I moved to a new place. This move helped me realize the degree of freedom and responsibilities I never thought I had. Also it reduces your parents hold on you to a certain degree.

I realized that staying under the same roof as my father would mean following his and my mother's rules, which were restrictive to my personal growth.

Join groups/clubs where you can meet successful people. That'll help you out to broaden your horizons. Lastly read TRP sidebars and comments, often times you get to learn newer ideas from others debates.

epicness · 2017-06-03T21:56:41+00:00

Hmm. Reminds me of the time I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Right now I'm going for engineering, but did attempt it for a year. My dad was against it, but it turns out he himself wants to start his own business at some point in the future. It also turns out you need money to start a business, so I ended up having to start with a job anyways. Even if you create an online product, you need money for marketing/ads. I can't really call my dad beta nor alpha, and he also knows some underlying red pill truths when we've talked about women and current society. He's just my dad. I often don't tell my dad what I'm doing until after I start doing it. For example, in high school I never told him I was going to start lifting, I would tell him after a month that I've been lifting for a month.

I talk with her on video and audio call over hundred times! I know her room,her school, the are that she lives, I met even her family"

If you've met her family, you've met her. You shouldn't have framed it as, "some girl on the internet." You should have called her a girl, or a girl you know. If she asks how you met, for example, don't say the internet, say what month you met, and then go onto describing that you later met her family. "Oh, we met in July. She's pretty __. I've even met her family on _. They're __." On another note, hundreds of video and audio calls seems too much, almost like an LDR, a buffer, or orbiter tactics on her part.

easternrogue · 2017-06-03T22:20:03+00:00

Hang in there, buddy. I had a beta/absent and strict father figure too once. And, yes, you are 100% right, he is killing your lust for life. He is right about ONE thing though. You do need a stable a job + sustainable income if you want to pursue your dreams in life. Ignore everything else he is trying to drill into you.

binarynightmare · 2017-06-04T02:33:26+00:00

One of the pivotal points in your Red Pill journey should involve accepting your lack of control over other people's behavior and commitment. Whether it's a male family member you wish would be more Alpha or a female acting opposite as you'd like.

Additionally, the concept of the Alpha male means that only 10-20% of men can be alpha, while the others are beta.

RedSwami · 2017-06-04T04:41:22+00:00

You have to remember he is reading the old books. The books that were published before feminism came to dominate the world. I wouldn't be so bitter towards him. Would you be angry at a car for being a car? He grew up and was taught this is how things should be, and he believed them; something that you became aware of (Red Pill).

"I have to ask for permission" Who's frame are you operating in, come on, really.

Read the side bar. Post this shit in asktrp.

OldCarWorshipper · 2017-06-04T06:09:37+00:00

I went through this with my dad growing up. Although he never let my mom push him aroound, he was beta in many other ways.

In many ways, my dad and I are polar opposites and always have been. My dad is white collar, always had clerical-type jobs, and his main passion is gardening. He always drives conservatively-styled, economical, and practical cars. He doesn't drink or smoke, has no close male buddies, is non-confrontational, and always stays in the safe zone. He's always been good to my mom, however. He's manly enough, but in that Darren from Bewitched sort of way.

I'm the complete opposite. I'm blue-collar, an auto repair tech by trade, and spend most of my free time under a hood of one of my many project vehicles, or someone else's. I'm deeply passionate about machines. I drive a blinged out F250, a pimped out Lexus LS400, and either my '75 Corvette or my '72 Delta 88 convertible during the summer months. I always have a 12-pack of high-quality brew on hand, enjoy an occasional cigar, and hang with my buddies every weekend. I'm unmarried and childless.

I appreciate all the sacrifices that my dad made to provide for my mom and me, but I'll always resent him for two things. First, although he always supported my career choice, he NEVER supported either my fledgling car restoration business OR my racing ambitions. All he did was go on and on about what a pointless waste of time and money it was, how dangerous, expensive, and impractical racing is, and how starting a business like mine is too expensive and complicated to bother with.

If he came home to find me wrenching on my weekend project / toy '68 Cougar instead of dusting my bedroom furniture or mowing the lawn, he'd lose his shit. Even if my chores were already all done, if he came home to find doing something as simple as changing my oil or checking my tire pressure, he'd get that sour look on his face and ask me "what are you doing to the car NOW?!?". At least a thousand times he asked me "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life laying up under a car? Don't you want to find a nice young lady and settle down?".

Up until just a few years ago, my car hobby was an unending source of tension between my dad and I. Just a couple of years ago, we had a huge argument over the phone. My dad went off on me and my mom was upset because I was at the paint shop with a buddy rather than coming straight over to the house to help them with ANOTHER home improvement project. I told him that I was indeed coming, to calm down, and that his constant drama was becoming tiresome. He said "okay, bye" and hung up on me. I went over and got the job done, but the tension was thicker than homemade gravy on a Delaware sidewalk in the middle of January.

Back in the early 2000s, when I was 30 and temporarily living back at home, I was sanding on the Cougar's roof when my dad marched out and ordered me to stop. When I asked why, he said because it was Sunday. When I asked what that had to do with anything, he said it was because Sunday was a day of rest, and he didn't feel like spending it listening to my electric sander squawking. Never mind I had spent all day Saturday fixing his goddamned rickety old wooden fence, while the car sat. WHAT THE FUCK DAD?????

When I told him that I planned on resurrecting that Cougar into a ten-second dragstrip monster and start winning trophies, he'd scrunch his face up and tell me to quit fantasizing. He had the same reaction with the 1985 300ZX I planned to build as either an SCCA production racer or to run in the 160 MPH class in the Silver State Classic. Eventually I wound up selling the Cougar and trading the Z because their constant "honey do" list, even AFTER I moved out for the third and last time, completely FUBARed my free schedule.

One of my current projects is a 1972 Pontiac Ventura, that I bought with the intent to run in the NMCA's "Super Street" class. My folks generously allowed me to store it their garage until my dad's hoarding got out of control, fighting the car for space. My mom then ordered me to remove it, saying that she was afraid my eighty-something father would "trip over it and injure himself". How in the fucking hell do you "trip over" a big-ass car like that??? Years earlier my Cougar got evicted in a similar way when my grandmother moved in with my great aunt, and my parents agreed to store all of gram's extra stuff at their place- even though it meant losing the use of their own garage. Really???

Things are a lot better now that I've been on my own for many years now and my dad has mellowed with age, but issues still occasionally crop up. He still feels that my many project cars, bought as flippers, are "bad investments". I've paid a fortune in storage fees since I'm helping them with their stuff half the time rather than working on the cars every weekend. Every time I snap up a cool old car for dirt cheap, my dad always asks, with that bitterly cynical tone of voice "what are you gonna do with THAT??".

S-Blaze · 2017-06-04T06:33:18+00:00

He is a coward but he loves you. Imo reassure him but do and plan things your way. Don't neglect his advices though.

mdcrubengonza · 2017-06-04T08:20:19+00:00

Deal with Beta fathers like you deal with any beta male. You treat them like shit, in a respectable manner of course.

aanarchist · 2017-06-04T16:17:05+00:00

sounds like my dad. bro people like that are fucking poison. in order to be successful you need to surround yourself with likeminded people who have a good mindset and who support your goals rather than trying to step on them. he's stepping you because he is a failure, and he wants his own son to be his confirmation bias. you have to divorce yourself emotionally from him completely and take whatever he has to say with a grain of salt, if you can't be that indifferent then simply shut him down every time he opens his mouth and send him away. my father has only gotten worse with time and i've made it abundantly clear that i have no respect for the way he lives his life nor who he is as a man, that he is a failure and that it is his own doing and no one elses. he can't project his failure onto me anymore once i came to the conclusion that blood is not thicker than water. i have people in my life that have been more of a family to me than my own relatives, and i've had good men in my life who have been more of a father to me than my own. he's a blue pill failure and you know this. don't waste your time or energy spending time with people who take pride in their being a slave.

telecowboy · 2017-06-04T19:45:37+00:00

I don't know your dad or your situation but it seems like you're a child who is butting heads with his father.

How old are you?
Why are you spending money to go on vacation with a girl you've never even met, why have you invested so much in this girl?
Why are you so invested in what your father things? You have dreams because they are your dreams. Your dad has different dreams than you. What's new?

If you are an adult, do what you want and follow your dreams. Don't worry about what your dad thinks. If you're still a kid, listen to him. He may not be right about everything because he's human, but he has a hell of a lot more wisdom than you. I wish I would have listened to my dad more.

Follow your dreams and keep improving yourself like you are, these are good traits. But it seems like you still have a lot to learn. We all do.

ReptilianDystopia · 2017-06-04T23:44:43+00:00

Just do what you think is best for yourself. Your father's attitude will change if you become successful. For now you must say "screw you, I will walk my own path, with or without your blessing".

Do not hate him. Do not resent him. He doesn't know any better. Just trust yourself.

AcidMal · 2017-06-06T15:40:30+00:00

Maybe a little unrelated but I had to do my part.

4th generation entrepreneur here, "business man". This shit is a joke. Get a real job, lead a real life. Trust me dude.

Unless you like a roller coaster ride through life, which i promise is not fun. You will be ultimately miserable.

I coach and mentor friends and younger guys who have worked for me and know me through others and the best advice i can give someone like you is this. Im not trying to hamper your dreams and vision, but you need to seriously start thinking about entrepreneurship like its an art form. Realize that just as many failed artists, athletes and actors exist as business ventures, if not outnumbered by them. Realize that your vision is a dream, and treat it as such. It is not a healthy lifestyle and chances of failure are astronomical. Other than a few instances i bet you don't even know many stable successful adult entrepreneurs, that is very well because they are unicorns. But in comparison look around you. How many successful, STABLE career driven individuals and families you see... get my point?

Competition is brutal and relentless and you will be playing against powers that you don't stand a chance against. The market is a fickle and unforgiving bitch. People will conspire against you.

If you have an ounce of talent, some skill and the confidence to dream what you are dreaming, you will do very well in an organized environment full of mediocrity that is the corporate world.

Its not for everybody. Don't look at the extreme outliers when romanticizing the idea of entrepreneurship. Look at the numbers, they don't lie.

iwasbornred · 2017-06-07T17:08:33+00:00

Use him mercilessly for the beta bux he is.

You owe him nothing. He has done nothing but mix negligence and suppression with you in order to try to turn you into a blue-pill drone like himself. He will never accept your alpha behaviors because his slave-morality inherently values different things. Go read about Nietzsche's master-slave morality for more on this.

Strider_Tolstoi · 2017-06-25T16:40:49+00:00

The classic spineless man calling himself "realistic".

Title	Dealing With a Beta Father
Author	ibuiltthesky
Upvotes	16
Comments	29
Date	June 3, 2017 3:57 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6f1wa3/dealing_with_a_beta_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/dealing-with-a-beta-father.43712 https://theredarchive.com/post/43712

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