There are a lot of posts on this sub about dealing with anger phase after swallowing the pill. However, I haven't found many of them addressing some of the other emotions like excessive tenderness and weakness (think of something in line with Werther) and neediness (of emotional support). Maybe I was reading too selectively and there is, in fact, a number of posts dealing with this matter, but it never hurts to reiterate.

Most of us didn't have a quality male role model or father figure. Some of us were raised by single mothers, while other had beta fathers. After seeing unusual firmness of some men and even some women, my initial thought was that they are faking it. When I got to know some of them better, I was puzzled. After a lot of thinking, I found the simple common denominator of all of these people: they were raised in good families, born by good mothers and prepared for life by a masculine, level-headed fathers.

However, that might not be the cornerstone of every strong character. Some of them were tempered to perfection by hardships. Take Teddy Roosevelt for example.

What many of us face today are emotions mentioned in the first paragraph. You fail. Then you lose your spirit. Then you retreat. Then you marinade in self-pity and unfulfilled desire for bawling your eyes out on somebody's shoulder. And that shoulder, in your imagination, always belongs to a female. Well, if you haven't found it out already by yourself, that's recipe for disaster. If she isn't Mother Theresa, you will get the Ice Queen treatment, however close you might have been before and no matter how long you have been close. I remember reading a post or a comment on this sub where a cancer-ridden man broke down in front of his wife only once and everything went to hell instantly, until he recollected himself. When he showed weakness, he got no pity, no empathy, no support from his wife, just a wall of resentment and chaos in the house.

Is it unfair that some guy can face unemployment, poverty, war, dismemberment, deaths of loved ones, seemingly unmoved and only grow from that experiences, while you have to feel like shit after slightest defeats? Probably. But will that conclusion change anything by itself? No, it won't.

Your problem is that you were raised to be a pussy. You got scolded as a child for coming home smeared with mud because you were building a fort with your friends. When somebody bullied you, you were told to "be better than them" and never to retaliate. Instead of being free to wander around in the summer, you had structured bullshit activities or not even that - it was more important that you are safe behind four walls doing nothing, than coming home scratched because you fell off the bike right into neighbours' rosebush. Instead of being toughened up, you were taught to react to everything by constant questions: "How do you / how does this character from the book feel about X?" You were taught that being a manly man is outdated, unnecessary and harmful, even "only a thing of Fiction" and taught that you should cry and discuss anything and everything that makes you feel uneasy. Maybe you've even been shamed for your race, nationality (happening right now through my country's school system and media because of strong liberal politics) or sex, instilling you with belief that you are inferior by simple fact that you exist. And so on.

After a few years of costly (both mentally and financially) try-and-fail experiments, I can only say this: either you will make yourself strong or live a life on the bottom of the food chain. It doesn't sound dandy. But making yourself a manly man and living up to your full potential brings you joy, fulfillment and pride. "See this porch? I built it with my own hands." "See this kid winning a medal in judo? That's my boy." "See those energetic people running around the office with papers and telephones in hand? My pals and I made this firm from scratch." "Babe, I've just got a raise. Let's go to Bahamas."

Let go of your femininity and childishness. Stop coddling yourself. "I need this sound-syst-" No, you don't. You didn't deserve it. At your age, Alexander the Great conquered Persia. And you don't even have a diploma yet. Put that coffee down.

Want to sleep in? Next time sleep on the floor.

You've decided that you will go full monk mode and suddenly it's too hard and you're breaking apart? Instead of whimpering to some girl you (suddenly) find cute, go out with the boys, play pool, get drunk and end up on the roof of a shopping center. Yes, you will have hangover and lose a day or two, but your batteries will be recharged. And you will have a fun story to tell.

Don't have any (quality) friends? Well, staying in your apartment or dorm-room won't change it. Ditch the commercial gym and start training in weightlifting, powerlifting or strongman gym. Take a course in a workshop. Find any male-dominated place or activity and jump right into it. You will gain knowledge and you will gain buddies.

You have serious or repeating psychological issues? Find a therapist. He may disentangle that hank in 15 minutes. Beating your dick into the ground because you don't have a grasp how to do something or live life won't get you far. Read "7 habits of highly successful people". Read Zig Ziglar, Og Mandino, Sun Tzu, Marcus Aurelius, browse /r/stoicism, read about self-discipline.

Your problem is not being enough of a man and you can fix it only by doing what the proverbial Man would do. Nothing else. Find a problem, analyze it, find its weak spot and then eliminate it. Repeat. Your whining and neediness is just a reaction of your Self conditioned to be something you were not supposed to be. Humans, as creatures, are extremely adaptable - we can survive living in the high mountains with little oxygen or in the tropical rainforest. Be a long distance runner, a baker or the first man on Mars. Be a simple self-sustainable farmer in the countryside or leader of millions. When you have the potential to win Olympic gold, design flying cars, be a five-star chef, build a cathedral, be a new G.R.R. Martin, to whom HBO will knock on the door to present his work in new format to hundreds of millions, then you don't settle to decaying in the sofa and endlessly watching Netflix or watching documentaries about insects on Youtube. If you can "live" like that, then you don't have a clue neither about life and neither about yourself.

Now, in the words of Marcus Aurelius: "Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one."