Summary

Lately I've been seeing too many people mistake IDGAF attitude for inaction. This is a post to set them back on the straight and narrow.

Body

I've been spending quite some time in /asktrp lately and a certain kind of topic keeps coming up with alarming frequency:

"hey TRP, I've gone on a date with this girl and now I'm ignoring all her texts, am I doing good?"

"hey TRP, I've k-closed this chick from college and now I'm acting aloof towards her, how long until she makes a move?"

et cetera

Basically, some people have gotten convinced that not giving too much of a fuck about things equals completely ignoring them and not taking any action, in a sort of magical belief that you can ignore your way into a girl's panties.

That's not remotely true of course. If you just straight up ignore a girl she'll... move on with her life, almost certainly. In a rare few cases she might be the one to pursue you, but women are a) socialized to expect the man to move things forward and b) naturally drawn to guys who can take charge, so in the vast majority of cases they won't be the ones taking initiative.

So what does IDGAF attitude mean in these cases?

It means emotional centeredness. It means you go in giving what's happening the importance it deserves, which in the grand scheme of things is little. It doesn't mean you absolutely don't care. You approached her, you care. You are writing on /asktrp for advice, you care. But not so much that your palms are sweaty and you risk spilling mom's spaghetti.

So be aloof, sure. But move things forward. Yes, don't text her free validation by asking her about your day, don't humor her desire for idle conversation. But do text her to set up your next meet. Do talk to her around campus for the same purpose. Do pursue your objective. You will never achieve it just by being emotionally independent of its outcome. That's just a more conductive frame of mind. You still need to do the work, put one foot after the other.

Lessons learned

  • IDGAF attitude alone won't do anything. You always need to take action.

  • Women want to be led. Your outcome independence mustn't come at the price of not moving the interaction forward. It's a frame of mind, not a mystical ritual that will suffice on its own.