There’s a great post about Shit Tests (ST) on the side bar that mostly is about dealing with ST rather than fully understand the dynamics of the identification of a ST.

I would like to share some experience in order to easily identify ST in any conversations.

This knowledge came from a book I’ve red years ago: The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey. There was a chapter (habit) that I’ll explain below that I’ve never fully appreciated until I’ve internalized the different concepts of TRP and in this case, ST identification until it clicked in my mind.

The fifth habit: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” is discussing Empathic listening that is about “getting inside another person's frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.”

“Empathic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are said.”

Indeed, we stress it out often: “don’t listen to that she says, listen to her actions”. This right there, while “obvious” took me a while to get it.

“In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior.”

Thus in a conversation, you’ll need to change your mind set in order to understand the emotions and the actions BEHIND the talking or more analytically, on each phrases that are said. Do not necessarily reply with logic right away (based on that is being said) before finding out the true purpose (feelings/emotions) of the words that she said.

This way, you’ll be exercising your mind to understand what feeling is she trying to express or validation is she trying to get from you. You then will be able to react accordingly.

EDIT: As u/geel1164 pointed out, I've added ressources in order to provide examples of shit tests under his comment.

EDIT2 : can't posts links.....