Last night I turned 41. I was the kind of guy who we regularly pull from /rrelationships and as a shining example of blue pill idiocy. A fat depressed pedestalizer, the well-known archetype, who lost his oneitis to some other guy in a classic fashion. A guy grown up believing in the image of love & connection that has been so cunningly crafted by movies, stories and western culture. Times have changed, because of TRP and my own steps and actions.

The metamorphose happened, I did the whole shebang. And I can't tell if I'm at a better spot. I'm at a different spot, that I can tell. And I did things I never thought I could do. Like seeing two girls at the same time. They're both slim, cute and funny 27 or 28 years old. I actually don't care to remember their age. I used to care a lot about women and what they say and did. And now, now I exchange my attention, albeit sparsely, for me to fuck them. I play the game without and feel almost detached from any feelings. I don't care about their orgasms. I don't care about their dreams, their hopes and their stories. I pay the bare minimum attention and do my thing. I act when necessary, but usually I don't bother and they quickly tell I'm bored. I don't bother to answer the same day to their texts and messages. I mix and misremember facts with them and other girls. I don't put in the effort to go to their places and just let them come to mine. And they keep coming back. It baffles me still, but I guess AWALT.

And then their words. They have no meaning for me anymore. It's all well meant in the moment, but meaningless in my ears. Because I'm hearing the exact same words, sentences from the exact same puppy eyes. Seeing the same poses in my bed or on my couch, their faces on my chest, the same shaped arms wrapped around something of me, the same stuff again and again. With no novelty anymore. It's like replaying the scene from a movie each time I start dating a new chick. The naked truth of AWALT perhaps.

I used to gloat when I girl told me she loved me. I used to float on a cloud when a girl showed affection and wanted to be with me. I would fall in love head over heels. That sweet rush of oxytocin and vasopressin. It's gone. I'm not sad about it, it's just weird.

And it's not that I want to feel nothing. I actually do. Seems to be useful to care and feel something. Like starting a family. But since a year or two all interactions with girls have lost their magic. I'm not sure this is a classic phase. Just putting this kind of report out here. Maybe someone can relate or make sense of it.

Edit: I'm not depressed and fat anymore, on the contrary. It's only with the interaction with women that I feel nothing for them.

Regarding goals, I entered university to reschool from an industrial designer to a teacher, because I love working with young people and I experience teaching as something awesome and a worthy goal to pursuit.