Summary: Would get k-close or makeout/heavy petting from lots of girls, finally f-closed after a couple months of trying to learn game. Bolded and italicized important areas.

Body : Had oneitis for a girl, went to a party with her and realized that she wasn't going to put out and was stringing me along, started hitting on one of her friends, escalating a bit but ending on a decent note to pick off from later. A week or so later at another party I see said girls and we talk for longer, more physical escalation. I make her laugh, dance a bit, generally have have a good time and end up going home with her.

We get to her place and essentially get naked, and make out for a long ass time but she just did not want to put out. I was frustrated and starting beating myself up about it. I let it get to me. I later find out that the reason she didn't want to have sex is because she was on her period. Important note, I get her number here, but even though we didn't fuck I still felt emotionally and physically satisfied in a way, I cultivated a very satisfied mentality after getting with this one girl. I texted her very sparingly and overall appear not needy, I wasn't pushing or chasing. She later tells one of my friends that she's not going to pursue me, she wants me to go for her. This does not phase me at all and I just don't give a fuck. Like a fly is buzzing around you and you crush it like it's nothing, kinda how I felt - I just didn't care, I wasn't coming from a place of neediness.

A few weeks later I go down to the bars in my city with my friends (fraternity) and she is there. When we go out we usually don't have to have girls to have fun, we just get crazy and dance like idiots and generally dick around. So she's there with her friends and we talk and dance a bit but I also dance and talk to other girls there. When I wasn't talking to girls I would just dance by myself and my friends that were there in a super comical way, like way overly dramatic. It was fucking hilarious. I was being myself and not giving a fuck. I honestly had one of the best times of my life, and without the need for a girl.

Long story short this girl that apparently wasn't going to chase me started chasing the fuck out of me the entire night, all the while I gave only some reciprocation back, and we end up going back to her place, and I fuck the shit out of her for like 20 minutes.

Lessons learned :

  • Broke it off with a girl that was using me and went on to the next one

  • When I didn't have sex with her the first time, I told myself reasons why it didn't happen, I wasn't good enough, she doesn't like me etc. When in reality she was on her period (I learned of this after the fact). Sometimes things will happen to you that are out of your control. Do not let it get to you, don't obsess over it.

  • I didn't chase her, even after she told me she wasn't going to chase me I just didn't give a fuck. I did my own thing. I saw her as a set piece in my life, either she can join or not. Either way, I wouldn't have cared.

  • When we were at the bars, I talked/danced with other girls there, not to make her jealous. I'm a guy, talking to girls is what I fucking do. I had no agenda. I just did my own thing. Even though I was a goofy looking white dude just dancing, I was still having fun. I oozed fun. Fun Fun Fun. Good vibes. Outcome independence.

  • When she started chasing me, I didn't completely push her away. If she wants it, she can get it. I need to see her desire.

  • Sex felt awesome, but holy good god almighty is it blown out of proportion. If you are a guy and stressing about your virginity, I am here to tell you that sex, while being really fucking great, is not the best thing in the world. While I got a massive confidence boost from it, sex did not solve all of my problems. I am still the same goofy white guy that I've always been. What's important to know is that it's okay. It's fine to be goofy. It's fine to have problems. Everyone is like that. Don't get in your own head, just have fun with life.