My old oneitis (let's call her Mary) came back on the scene a few months back due to her breaking up with her LTR and noticing my improved SMV (lost weight, high paying job). We were together a few years back, but she wanted to 'stay just friends' after I turned BB and got fat, due to personal rubbish.

Told myself it wasn't just a rebound and that this is my chance to plate her (knew the red flags meant not to LTR: she cheated on her LTR with me and has major family issues, though this is due to them being super rich).

After a couple of hook ups (no sex, but oral) we went on a proper date one evening. We had a great time and were fully in the mood, but she all of a sudden became 'too tired' for sex when in the bedroom and said that she wanted to wait till the morning. I said fine (semi maintaining frame, semi failing to dominate), we woke up in the morning and she darted in the shower and we had some mediocre sex. I know that I failed the audition here, but I did foreplay for an extended time. Also believe that she may have some weird hang-up on showering before sex. Next plate I'm going to go rougher.

Fast forward to recently we went on a date, got food and drink (50/50) and it just felt a bit dead in the sexual tension department. This culminated in her not wanting to stay round at mine as she wanted to jog in the morning for an upcoming marathon, she loosely invited me back to hers which I declined as I was hungover as fuck and was not going to make the effort for her. Could feel her slipping away so went radio silent for a few days, which worked well with her sending multiple messages each day asking where I'd disappeared to.

Now the finale! Had my housemate’s birthday this weekend, lots of people round. I was full social mode and displaying great SMV organising everything....then I was pulled away by a mutual friend of ours (let's call her Jane). Jane informed me that she'd been told by Mary about us hooking up recently (Mary and I had agreed to not tell ANYONE as it would inevitably lead to drama with our exs in our friendship groups) and in Jane's opinion we should just stay friends. This is where I failed a mega-shit test. Rather than confronting Mary I went turtle mode and just avoided her all night. I believe a lot of this is due to me being too drunk and not being able to form a compelling argument at the time (is this worse than going nuclear?). When they went to leave the party at late'o'clock I put on a happy face and organised for Mary to cook for me the coming weekend.

I phoned Mary the following afternoon and asked her why she spoke to Jane and not to me. She said that I should trust her more and not listen to a 3rd party (agreed, loss of frame due to alcohol...this won't happen again) and I told her that I'm not interested in just being friends (I have gone fully radio silent on her before for months, she knows I will remove her from my life if we aren't fucking) and told her that if we're just going to meet up this weekend and she's going to say let's just be friends...I'm not interested in attending. She finished the phone call saying she needed 'time to think about us'.

So that's how I've left it...been radio silent since that call on Sunday and got a message just now from Mary asking if I can phone her tonight. I can't tonight as it's Paddy's Day, so replied that I will phone her tomorrow night. I plan on opening the call saying: "if you're going to give up on us due to a third party getting involved then I overestimated you, I thought we didn't discuss ourselves with others. Let's give it a real shot and see what happens and get some closure." I'm fully expecting her to give me the bad news to which I will inform her to have a good life and if I see her I will be civil (mutual friendship groups), but nothing else.

General thoughts and advice would be appreciated. I understand that I'm lacking abundance currently and am working to fix that, I feel like I've reached snapping point and if this goes down the pan I'm shaving off my hair, disabling Facebook and lifting hard (I actually lifted for the first time last night in years, so some good has already come from this and I've booked some PT sessions to kick-start the gains).

I'm 25 and in great cardio shape. I naturally have AF tendencies, but this girl has a hold on me. Am I right to avoid meeting her in person for the 'friends vs sex debate' and stick to a phone call?

I know many of you will be shouting insta-next, but other than a couple of online dates arranged it will mean I'm entering Monk Mode.

Tldr; This woman is my Achilles Heel