Hey fellas, long-time lurker, first time poster. Approximately 6 months ago circumstances led me to finally put into practice the stuff I'd been reading about on here, and last night it just got so poetic that I had to share.

Background

I've always considered myself somewhat of an outlier within my social circle. The vast majority of my friends and associates are high-SMV, well-regarded and generally your classic young, popular types. Whilst I do somewhat fit this mould, (6ft3, HB7 face), I've generally had two major points of difference:

  1. I would consider myself more introverted and intellectual than most of my peers. Whilst all my friends are generally very keen to constantly be catching up with people, going out, drinking/doing drugs, I've generally taken a slower approach ie. getting really fucked up once or twice every month as opposed to every week, more than happy to spend time by myself etc.

  2. I'm a lanky motherfucker (74kg at 6ft3, you get the picture). At high-school I was a successful swimmer and played rugby, but in the 5 years since I've been smoking a lot (weed and tobacco) and doing sweet fuck-all in terms of exercise. I was disgustingly unfit, and this was compounded by the fact that I suffer from mild gastroparesis (essentially my stomach takes a long time to empty, meaning I feel full very quickly after eating and thus struggle to gain weight). As such, while the majority of my mates lift and are well built, I never really got into it.

In my early university years, it's safe to say my attitude towards women was highly apathetic. This is not to say that I had no interest in getting with girls, but in my mind the tradeoff was simply not worth it and I would invest literally zero effort into trying to pick up. It didn't feel like something worth doing. I had plenty of casual hookups at university, but ultimately it was only when they literally fell into my lap, and not due to any pursuit on my part.

I was generally content being average and disinterested, as the sociability that I enjoyed with my mates contented me to only occasionally hooking up with girls and generally leading a pretty mediocre existence.

Change

Like many others, my world came crashing down due to a severe case of oneitis. On a night out for a mate's birthday, he had a friend (HB8) there I hadn't met before. We get really munted, and after only chatting to this girl maybe once briefly throughout the night, at around 1am she grabs me and says "you're coming home with me, right now." Needless to say I wasn't complaining, and took her straight back to her place.

This is where the crushing reality of an apathetic past 5 years came crashing down on me. Being seriously maggot, I couldn't get it up. Weak as fuck, but I'd never had the problem before, so I managed to cover for it by eating her out real good and she seemed very content. Get her number the next morning, plan to go for drinks, and it's all smooth sailing.

In my arrogance, I assumed this one case of ED was down to being especially drunk and on Molly. Little did I know that 5 years of no exercise, masturbation, and shitty diet was about to royally fuck me.

I should probably preface this by saying this chick was great; she honestly seemed pretty close to a unicorn; country girl, very sweet and kind, seemed to lack all forms of a manipulative side and was just really great to hang out with. Basically thought I'd lucked out hard.

In any case; for two months of seeing her multiple times a week, I could not get an erection. No matter what she was doing, I'd only get to 85/90%, which we all know is just not gonna cut it. She was really nice about it, but after such a period of time with nothing happening, she broke it off. She didn't blame it on that, but I know with certainty that she gave me the flick because of my inability to fuck her, regardless of how good I could get her off with oral etc.

Knowing that you threw away a chance with a girl that seems like a dream-girl because your dick didn't work, in spite of how badly you wanted it to, is probably one of the most difficult experience a man can endure. I was gutted, because I knew that it was all on me, and this one girl who I'd found that I genuinely saw myself trying to LTR (not a common occurrence) had nexted me on the basis of my sexual inadequacy. It hurt, bad, and I knew that it was entirely my own fault. All I could think about in the weeks after was "If I'd just fucked her the first time, and then kept fucking her, I'd have myself a great girlfriend right now."

Luckily for me, this was the kick I needed to improve myself. I was so fucking angry with myself that I flicked the switch. Stopped smoking, stopped porn, improved diet, gym 3x a week, threw myself hard into law school (was coasting previously) and kept up with my housemates moreso in terms of constantly socialising and meeting new people.

I'm not going to claim to have successfully implemented Red-pill theory or game, partially because some of the core concepts have been part of my innate disposition since the beginning. The real benefits I've reaped from this sub have been with respect to self-control, attitude, and frame, rather than trying to spin plates or approach.

The now

In any case, the crushing beta reality that this experience made clear to me, and how badly I wanted this girl, spurred to me to action, and led to significant improvements. After gym and no porn, I'm getting morning wood again and have put on 9kg. Law school is going great and in general I'm more confident and outgoing than ever.

And then, last night, I run into Miss almost-unicorn for the first time since she broke it off.

Again, we were pretty drunk, but she seemed amazed at my change in appearance; bigger, better posture, fresh haircut (previously long) and clearly far better off than at our last contact. One thing led to another, and before I know it I'm back in her bedroom one last time, but this time I'm ploughing away with no problems. The feeling of finally proving to her that I wasn't in reality some limp-cocked little bitch was glorious.

The beautiful irony? The next morning she's babbling on about how we need to catch up again, she's missed me blah blah blah. And I feel nothing towards her anymore. The attachment I had was gone, and I'm far more inclined to simply meet and fuck new people instead of being locked down with this girl I thought was 'the one'. For how cut up I was when she flicked me, it was the push I needed to sort my life out and start to implement Red Pill ideas, instead of merely agreeing with them.

So in sum, I want to thank you guys for all the information on here, because it's gold. Sometimes, a brutally crushing experience is what you need to turn your life around; as bad as it was, I wouldn't be the man I am now without my dysfunctional dick and shitty lifestyle. After last night, I look forward to what the journey holds, because it feels like it's all looking up from here.