Take-Home Summary

Your Frame is your House. Always carry your House with you.

Introduction

I have noticed some people find the concept of Frame hard to grasp - it can indeed be a little tricky to get at first. So I tried thinking of the easiest way to explain Frame and came up with the following idea, hopefully you guys will find it insightful.

Body

Stop seeing Frame as an elusive concept, start seeing it as a House. If you are in someone else's Frame, they are the host. If someone else is in your Frame, they are your guests.

Let's use the following example for clarification:

  • You're at a club entrance on a Friday night, in front of the bouncer. Without even engaging in a conversation, you can feel he seems to be the one in control of the situation. He asks the questions and expects an answer (e.g. How many are you?). If you ask a question it's because you are requesting his answer (e.g. Can I get a consumption ticket?). You are on his playfield. You are in his House.

You might be tempted to think that Frame is Power, then. That is incorrect. Though it has some hierarchical component to it, Frame is not power. Frame is not control. Frame is a space, a set of boundaries, a set of walls. You either own the space or are dealing with someone who owns it.

Let us now look at different similarities between Frame and a House:

  • Frame implies comfort. You've been invited to one of your acquaintance's house. Do you walk around it freely? Do you sit on the couch and put your feet on top of the coffee table? Of course not, that would be rude. Yet, would you get surprised if the host started doing those same things? No. You would not. It's their house, after all, right? The same applies to the concept of Frame.

  • Frame implies attention. You invite someone to your place. Do you expect them to do their own thing, or to pay attention to what you are doing? The latter, of course. When you leave the room and come back, have you noticed how fast they look at you as soon as you go through the door? You have their full attention, simply because you're the host. Bringing people to your frame implies getting their attention.

  • Frame implies following. Wouldn't it be weird if a guest of yours got up and said Btw, let me show you something as she walked into the living room? She would probably bring the thing to you. Again, because it's your House. On the other hand, you wouldn't even doubt to follow a house host if they wanted to show you something. He who holds the Frame has automatic following.

Lesson

Whenever you are trying to hold your Frame, ask yourself: Am I being the host? Or the guest? How would I act if the other person was in my House?

Edit: Formatting, Grammar, etc. First time posting.