This is a post I have been thinking about posting for a while now and, I'm going to just go with the flow of it.

For my whole life I was raised to believe that to be attractive to girls was to pay attention to them, be their shoulder to cry on, treat them like you would treat your sisters. I had believed this for years and it wasn't until after I graduated high school where I realized that, this wasn't entirely true.

I had never really been successful with girls, and it started at a young age I was attracted to girls earlier than most guys did at the time. This lead to me having lots of awkward and even negative experiences with girls, not to mention I was bullied which made things even harder. The worst part of it was that at a young age girls were already looking at me like a creep and giving me dirty looks which was a big hit to my confidence.

Eventually in highschool things got better on the bullying part and I was left alone. However I had a really hard time being attractive to girls, its not that I never had a chance with any. I did and I blew a lot of opportunities on my awkwardness. I still continued to be the guy that would be their best friend listen to their problems, give them advice about the jerk guys they dated. I was a true Beta back then.

This attitude about women that I grew to learn was a huge problem. To this day I don't know if thats why or if I was just a good victim but I was 'friendzoned' by almost all girls. The ones that did give me a chance always turned out to be the wrong kind of girl for me. For example I hung out with a couple girls who thought it was fun to call me down in front of others, and even to the extent of getting physically hit by girls, I always thought I just attracted 'crazy' girls. At least I never put up with this behaviour after it happened but it really hurt my confidence for a long time.

There are so many examples of this happening to me growing up and I always felt it was my fault for the things they did to me. It wasn't until after highschool where things started to change a bit. I ended up losing my virginity at 19 to a girl who was 18 and already had a kid. It was a huge mistake but I was desperate for some kind of attention. After our first time I let her know it was my first and she didn't react much to it. We kept it going for a couple months and she would treat my terrible, make fun of me for not being that good, and it ended on really bad terms. This really destroyed the confidence that took me a long time to get.

Fast forward to now, I'm 22 and haven't had the best success with relationships. I always thought that the way I was treated was completely my fault. It never occured to me that girls also have issues and their own struggles, and I don't want to take the blame entirely off my because it was me who let them treat me that way. It wasn't until I seen the red pill on reddit that made me open my eyes, I am still in the process of trying to accept this.

Things have slowly been getting better but I am still not the confident, outgoing person I want to be. Im still depressed and still suffer from anxiety but I am slowly learning what it takes to be a man, learning to be more Alpha and to dig myself out of this slump I have been living in my whole life. I appreciate the people who read this and hopefully show other people that they are not the only ones who have struggled over the years with maybe the same issues as me.