Hello all,

After my post “Exploit The Red Pill; Obliterate The Competition” was unaccountably removed, I decided I would make some revisions to this pretty relevant post regarding good communication, which I first put up a few months ago under a now-deleted account, and stick it up again in time for some of the younger Lads summer holidays.

Now this is a “Beginners Group Conversation Guide” that I’m certain some people will find very simple, nevertheless the information I’ve included below has proven useful to others before and it never hurts any of us to brush up on the basics.

I’m starting it off with a few notes about physicality/positioning and then progressing onto what you might call ‘good passive communication techniques’ and of course always:

-\tDon’t fidget -\tMaintain good eye contact without staring -\tTry your best to appear relaxed, comfortable and at ease -\tIf you’re new to a crowd of people, don’t go nuts over-complimenting them. -\tWhen you speak, speak up and make sure your voice carries

As before; I post this with the caveat that I am not saying these are hard and fast rules applicable to every person and every situation, this is me more or less answering a direct question I got asked and that was “How do I conduct myself in a group setting”….

So…in groups.

-\tIf most people are sitting, make sure you sit too, don’t be a pratt and give your seat away for no reason or accept that there aren’t enough chairs or whatever and end up standing. Either park yourself somehow or suggest you all move for more room, it’s doubtful you’d be literally the only person unable to sit so this isn’t as aggressive as it initially sounds. -\tI know a lot of people that wave their arms around like Marionettes when they’re talking in a group because they’re either getting carried away or once read “You should move your body when you talk.” And whilst a little bit of ‘physical punctuation’ is indeed a great way to appear a powerful speaker, be careful not to overdo it. -\tDo NOT try and be the centre of attention. I know this will sound contradictory to some of you but you just might find yourself getting surprising results - most people can’t wait to yap after all, be an exception. Powerful people have got nothing to prove and no need to impress anyone, right? -\tThe person that has the most value within a given group is the person the others most want to communicate with, that person will likely be the best listener because people love talking about themselves. Please don’t doubt this, there are many individuals that know this to be true and it’s more or less an axiom by this point. -\t“Bantering” - When in a group of people the thing you want to avoid is being too harsh to others whilst also discouraging them in turn from being harsh to you, you do not want to open yourself up to “tooling” and becoming the victim of a superior wit and thus the butt of all the jokes for the night. To do this simply follow this rule “I’ll say it, but only if you say it first.” For example if someone says “I’m not sure about this shirt, I think it’s a bit like someone’s skinned a giraffe.” You can definitely say “Yeah, better watch out mate, they’ll be dragging you back to the zoo if you drink too much and collapse.” – this is banal and silly but the point is it’s FINE to criticise people as long as you’re certain it’s not going to strike a nerve. Never go for people’s weak-spots and never double-down on an insult that’s landed poorly. -\tNow if someone DOES try tooling you I’d recommend not rising to it in any way at all, give as short-an-answer as possible or “agree and amplify”. The person doing it is trying to get positive attention from others in your group and they’re looking at you to provide entertainment by throwing a fit or becoming embarrassed – if you don’t they’ll quickly change tact. Just laugh it off or ignore it. -\tI’d recommend going with the flow of conversation, unless you are already the most popular person there or people are already listening to you for whatever reason. You don’t want this to happen – CHAD: “Yeah so I’m on this diet where I eat only tree-bark for 6 months, it’s pretty cool.” MELANIE: “Oh God Chad, that’s so awesome. Did you make sure to thoroughly document your meals and defecations on Instagram?” YOU: “Yeah so I went out on my bike last night and nearly ran over a badger.” And by this I mean don’t throw a spanner in the works when the people you want to be engaging with are already on a topic they are enjoying, take gentle turns to steer the conversation, don’t attack it like a rally driver. -\tDo not ever attempt to ingratiate yourself with someone by laughing excessively at their jokes, over-empathising with their experiences or agreeing with them about everything. Question what they’re saying, probe deeper, show that you’re listening and that you’re interested. (Be careful with this though, I often end up giving the impression that I care about people whom I really don’t want to talk to and I get badgered) -\tDon’t focus your attention all on one person, other people won’t like it and if you’ve got a jerk amongst you they might point it out in a very embarrassing way. If they do that and it’s a girl you like then I hope you’ve got a balaclava to hide how deeply you’re going to blush. There’s no guarantee she’ll be hostile of course, but we’re talking about ‘best practice’ here and not deep game techniques. -\tDon’t be the guy who tries to steer conversation into deep, ponderous territory. Don’t mention politics, don’t mention the news, don’t mention how annoyed you are that Frank took a shit on your desk at work…For most group-settings your out to have fun and forget your problems, not sit and stew on them. -\tTry not to punctuate every other word with a swear word or curse, it shows a lack of class and if you’re in decent company it can come across wrong. -\tDon’t interrupt people (or if you do say “Just let me interject because I think this is relevant to what you’re saying and I don’t want to forget…”) unless they’re waffling, in which case feel free. -\tNow for a good one – LEAD THE GROUP. They don’t know what plans to make? SUGGEST SOMETHING. They don’t know which bar to go to next? SUGGEST SOMEWHERE. No one’s got any cash for going out? INVITE THEM TO YOURS AND GET ON MARIO KART. People are bored and don’t have any options to entertain themselves? HOST SOMETHING, GET A PARTY GOING, SUGGEST A DAY OUT HIKING OR WHATEVER. -\tI would never in my right mind say to someone ‘just be yourself’ – because it’s stupid. But I’ll say this, please don’t put pressure on yourself to be the “best person” or the most interesting, or the most well-thought of or any of that crap. Be the guy who’s chilled, who’s happy to listen, and who knows how to conduct himself with social grace.

Peace.