Ok so yesterday I posted “Guide for better 1-on-1 conversations – beginner/intermediate” and it got a positive response that I never would have dreamed of, thank you all.

I then posted one regarding confidence in response to some comments I got on the conversation thread and hopefully that helped some people out too – it should still be on the messageboard today actually, I got gifted Reddit gold for that – thank you, sincerely, to whomever did it.

I have a part 2 for conversations that relates directly to the 1st post but a lot of you were asking for help in group settings and, as you’ve already got the 1st part to tide you over for intimate discussions, I’m going to post this one first.

Do not think I’ve forgotten to put about physicality/positioning in here – I haven’t – it depends too much on where you are and what you’re doing and I don’t want to get bogged down here. Please maintain good eye contact with others, aim to be the most comfortable person in the room and be “low energy” overall.

As before; I post this with the caveat that I am not saying these are hard and fast rules applicable to every person and every situation, this is me more or less answering a direct question in this post and that’s “How do I conduct myself in a group setting”…. So…in groups.

  1. Do NOT try and be the centre of attention. I know this will sound contradictory to some of you but if you’re asking me to help you net women, or just get along in group of friends and people you’re maybe not so familiar with (I’m thinking of you – High School and College kids, plus my brothers and sisters in the works cafeteria), then I can’t do both at once – I’m talking friendship here, with some serious potential for overlap.
  2. The person that has the most value within a group is the person the others most want to communicate with, the person with the most value will likely be the best listener because PEOPLE. LOVE. TALKING. ABOUT. THEMSELVES. Please do not doubt me, there is myriad evidence to back this up and it’s the one thing on here I’ll countenance no argument over.
  3. “Bantering” - When in a group of people the thing you want to avoid is being too harsh to others whilst also discouraging them in turn from being harsh to you, you do not want to open yourself up to “tooling” and becoming the victim of a superior wit and thus the butt of all the jokes for the night. To do this simply follow this rule “I’ll say it, but only if you say it first.” For example if someone says “I’m not sure about this shirt, I think it’s a bit like someone’s skinned a giraffe.” You can definitely say “Yeah, better watch out mate, they’ll be dragging you back to the zoo if you drink too much and collapse.” – this is banal and silly but the point is it’s FINE to criticise people as long as you’re certain it’s not going to strike a nerve. Never go for people’s weak-spots and never double-down on an insult that’s landed poorly.
  4. Now if someone DOES try tooling you I’d recommend not rising to it in any way at all, give as short-an-answer as possible or “agree and amplify”. The person doing it is trying to get positive attention from others in your group and they’re looking at you to provide entertainment by throwing a fit or becoming embarrassed – if you don’t they’ll quickly change tact. Just laugh it off, this clown doesn’t even know what TRP is!
  5. I’d recommend going with the flow of conversation, unless you are already the most popular person there or people are already listening to you for whatever reason. You don’t want this to happen – CHAD: “Yeah so I’m on this diet where I eat only tree-bark for 6 months, it’s pretty cool.” MELANIE: “Oh God Chad, that’s so awesome. Did you make sure to thoroughly document your meals and defecations on Instagram?” YOU: “Yeah so I went out on my bike last night and nearly ran over a badger.” And by this I mean don’t throw a spanner in the works when the people you want to be engaging with are already on a topic they are enjoying, take gentle turns to steer the conversation, don’t attack it like a rally driver.
  6. Do not ever attempt to ingratiate yourself with someone by laughing excessively at their jokes, over-empathising with their experiences or agreeing with them about everything. Question what they’re saying, probe deeper, show that you’re listening and that you’re interested.
  7. Don’t focus your attention all on one person, other people won’t like it and if you’ve got a jerk amongst you they might point it out in a very embarrassing way. If they do that and it’s a girl you like then I hope you’ve got a balaclava to hide how deeply you’re going to blush. There’s no guarantee she’ll be hostile, but we’re talking about ‘best practice’ here and not deep game techniques.
  8. Don’t be the guy who tries to steer conversation into deep, ponderous territory. Don’t mention politics, don’t mention the news, don’t mention how annoyed you are that Frank took a shit on your desk at work…For most group-settings your out to have fun and forget your problems, not sit and stew on them.
  9. Try not to punctuate every other word with a swear word or curse, it shows a lack of class and if you’re in decent company it can come across wrong.
  10. Don’t interrupt people (or if you do say “Just let me interject because I think this is relevant to what you’re saying and I don’t want to forget…”) unless they’re waffling, in which case feel free.
  11. Now for a good one – LEAD THE GROUP. They don’t know what plans to make? SUGGEST SOMETHING. They don’t know which bar to go to next? SUGGEST SOMEWHERE. No one’s got any cash for going out? INVITE THEM TO YOURS AND GET ON MARIO KART. People are bored and don’t have any options to entertain themselves? HOST SOMETHING, GET A PARTY GOING, SUGGEST A DAY OUT HIKING OR WHATEVER.
  12. I would never in my right mind say to someone ‘just be yourself’ – because it’s stupid. But I’ll say this, please don’t put pressure on yourself to be the “best person” or the most interesting, or the most well-thought of or any of that crap. Be the guy who’s chilled, who’s happy to listen, who knows how to conduct himself with social grace and, most importantly, the guy who’s going to start paying me for posting these articles… Thank you all.

If it gets to the point where these are well-received enough that you want to know about ME and what qualifies me to give this advice then I’ll happily do so, I’m not looking to self-aggrandise but I really don’t like people who preach without qualifying why others should listen so I’m just saying the option is there.

Disagree with me? Good. Agree with me? Better. Hate me? Regrettable. Comment below and I’ll explain exactly why you’re wrong….but seriously, all comments, questions and alternative ideas are welcome.