Sorry for the formatting and writing. Wrote this in frustration.

Can I vent a little? Seriously this old song and dance is tiring. I grew up with adults in my life telling being overweight isn't the end of your life. It's not gonna decide your friends, the girls that like you, don't worry about it. So I did what they told me. I treated women like queens, did anything they needed and still, they went with the boys that were assholes. They rejected me for the guys that didn't give them the time of day. Shit was infuriating. I got a real crazy one that we can discuss someday, but that's for another time.

Fuck those adults being heavy does change your life. I got bullied, rejected, singled out, pushed away from my peers the more I grew up. I WAS a real fun person growing up. In elementary I liked to hang out with people and make jokes and usually I was really good at keeping people entertained. I was real popular kid. Still it wasn't enough though. Middle school came I got bullied, I was never invited out by my "friends", I was immediately dropped by people closest to me. It was real bad.

One day in middle school everyone got a birthday invitation to a girls party in our classroom. They skipped me. Literally everyone there got one. I was always that "damn you should've been there!" Friend. High school came and went. Didn't go to prom, senior vacation. No reason to. I wasn't good friends with anyone anyway. The only thing I can hang my hat on is that I participated in sports and did well. Even captained a team.

I was in college sitting there reading a book and something hit me. I've never actually lived life. I never really dared to go do crazy things. I never took a chance. I only knew the school environment, all I knew was studying, passing test, but I didn't KNOW anything. So that day I just got up and walked out. I took a flight out to Europe and North America as soon as I could. I took in the culture and found myself a bit. I came back to my country a little different. I wasn't the same kid. I wasn't as nice as I used to be. I was more confident, I decided to live and focus on me. I don't know what bought on the change. I just started putting my happiness first.

I got a job (not a career) and that year, something crazy happened. I actually got talking to two women. I didn't treat them like I normally did. I joked around, teased them and one of them was a real spitfire. Always going back and forth with insults and joking around. Real handsy. It was a lot of fun for the both of us. Except it never went further than making out. I was doing things my way. Texted them only when they texted me, didn't bother them when we weren't around each other and overall I was turning into those kids from high school that the girls rejected me for.

Then they found out about each other. Things went downhill from there. There was a fallout. I didn't handle anything well. Then one day I got a text. I wish I still had the screenshot but this happened a few months ago.

"You're not attractive enough to treat women the way you do."

There it was. She went on to say I'm to heavy (I am an obese man) to be the way I am and that guys like me need to put in more effort. I couldn't blame her. So here I am. I've stumbled on to this community by accident a week ago. Things I've noticed over my life being confirmed here. It's crazy. There's no way women are like this to men who act like they do here. But comparing my life to stories here, it's eye opening. I'm NOT going crazy. AWALT is truly a thing. I'm not sure how to feel about this. Im just sitting here. Kind of numb and incredibly frustrated.

Damn man. Now what?