I really need some advice here...

Xiudo · 2014-04-07T02:35:29+00:00

Ok, I will explain 3 things to you that if you actually internalize will completely change your life. Long post.

1 - No more "zero days". Every single day, something productive to your career / intelligence and your physical health MUST occur. If the day is ending, you at least better swing around a kettlebell and do some pushups, and read a good book for 30 mins. Zero days are unacceptable. Never, ever let a day go by without doing at least some minor thing to improve your life.

2 - You do not deserve entertainment and distractions, you earn them. What the fuck are you smoking weed for, have you achieved anything worth smoking for? This is similar to buying a 40k car before you have a salary that has enough disposable income to justify that. We live in a society that will allow you to celebrate before you have sacrificed and earned the reward. Man if you want to light up when you are 185 lbs of lean muscle, well-employed, etc, then go for it, because by the time you've gotten to that point, you've earned the right / are responsible enough to ration it.

For example, if I want to have a burger and fries and milkshake, I can go do it and not worry about it. It isn't a problem, I'm in good shape, have built enough muscle mass that my once-slow metabolism can slam the meal with no guilt. Because I know that I am not driven to eat for pleasure, I don't have to worry that the burger will trigger a descent back into seeking food for entertainment/pleasure. The burger tastes all the better, every bite is like Zyzz telling me I've made it, and when I'm done, I get up and go back to my broccoli, sweet potatoes, and salmon.

That is how entertainment and rewards should be. After a year of hard work if you want to blow a week playing Skyrim or watching porn or whatever, then fine man, you earned it. But right now? You are shortchanging yourself and the universe will fuck you over if you keep choosing distraction over work. Ironically though, when you do reach this level, you won't even WANT the BP distraction.

3 - Don't ever be this much of a bitch again. In the future when you have a problem, you will think critically about what will actually make the situation better and then if you need advice on how to accomplish that end, you ask. AKA you do the mental work, like your brain processes the fact that you are 138 lbs and decides its time to lift and eat, and then you go and ask for help achieving that. You have a perfectly fine brain and you are intelligent enough to figure out that if you are not getting attraction and look like a skinny teenager, there is a perfectly fine solution that is probably rolled into the cost of your tuition anyway.

Porn addiction? Do the math. Quit fucking beating your meat, block porn, see a counselor if you must. Post on NoFap for some strategies, I don't fully agree with the concept of not fapping for 6 months, but you cannot deny it works.

Lack of healthy eating habits? Head on over to r/fitness or r/nutrition, post your budgetary and campus-based restraints, and people will help you hack together a good, satisfying diet for muscle growth and general wellness. Seriously. It's that easy, all you have to do is just buy meat and veggies instead of eating munchies all day long.

Marijuana addiction? You're not addicted to the leaf, you're addicted to the feeling of lazy, blissful escape. AKA you fundamentally believe reality is painful and shitty and hopeless, therefore escaping it is the only sensible thing to do. AKA, the blue pill. Get rid of the leaf, you will not feel physical withdrawal, but you will feel mental withdrawal and a temptation to replace that time with something equally stupid, like WoW. Replace it with a positive hobby, learn an instrument or draw.

You asked for it, no sympathy. People will NEVER respect someone who cannot THINK. When I say think, I mean you can be a dumb motherfucker, but if you are on fire, you need to know to jump in the fucking lake. You should not need me to tell you what to do when you are a skinny teenager trapped in a campus full of athletes running train on hot sorority girls, two scoops of whey and some lifting might be in order. People will help you gladly when you are on your path, but they will never help you find that path, you have to be sensible enough to figure that out yourself.

Red_August · 2014-04-07T01:25:44+00:00

I've briefly looked at your message history and you've been harping on this for a while. Less talking and start doing.

[deleted] · 2014-04-06T23:57:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wilgriaus · 2014-04-06T23:53:41+00:00

Eat healthier, lift weights, and sign up for clubs. Since you say you're addicted to porn, go on /r/nofap and quit smoking. It's a weakness that can wear down on you.

Enphuego · 2014-04-07T00:49:07+00:00

Forget about fixing all your problems at once. Just start with something. Lifting is a good place to start because exercise actually makes you happier which can help with minor depression.

Your goal is just to be a better person next month than you are today. Pick a weak area, research how to fix it, then come up with a plan and just start doing it. The key is not to get caught up in analysis, just take action and you can correct course later. It's going to take time to build new, better habits and skills but you will improve.

If you follow a program of constant improvement, it tends to really snowball along the way. By the time you are 30 you'll probably be the most badass person you know.

Oh_FuFu · 2014-04-07T05:45:16+00:00

Are you joking? Sounds like you think too little of yourself. 138, 5'10? I have 2 and a half inches on you(almost 6'1) and before I started lifting I was at 150, now I'm at a steady 160 after shitting and empty stomach and I don't look skinny but I don't look big, I look healthy, I look like I lift.

Get that ass in the gym, hit the squats, get that testosterone out your fucking legs and Into the rest of your body you little bitch.

As for your parents? They won't let you handle adult things by yourself? Who the fuck said they had to let you, you gotta grow the fuck up and do that shit on your own, not by daddy and mommy letting you wipe your own ass or not.

Go fucking lift, stop being a junkie, slump fuckboy pothead and get rid of that junkie weed use cycle completely or cut down and use weed for its psychedelic uses"TO TAP INTO CERTAIN CONSCIOUSNESS" to motivate and or focus on things or some things (smoke a joint or take a hit or two before lifting, or hit a joint or take a few pulls after the gym to induce a bigger appetite so you can achieve gains better) and lastly, as Kevin heart would say, "say it witch yo chest lil nigga!".

Goodluck.

Ahrius · 2014-04-07T12:33:21+00:00

Alright, OP - you and me. Let's do this. You came to /TRP, and we've got your back, so sack up and take notes:

Problem (P):I'm completely screwed up after being babied by my overprotective parents throughout my entire life(they still won't even let me solve adult problems on my own).

Solution (S): Stop telling them your problems. Deal with shit on your own without involving them. You have the internet at your finger tips. Fucking google your problem and see what turns up. At the very least, it's a starting point. After that, you need to sit down, and figure out, what is the ideal solution to your problem and start working towards that. Eventually, your parents may get involved, but you need to tell them that you already have a plan and that you are stuck between X, Y, and Z options and you need their advice on which one to pick - just that, nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, if money is involved, then you're going to need to compromise once in a while, but that is not being weak or beta, that is being respectful to your parents and also playing the game to ultimately get what you want.

(P): On top of that, I'm becoming emotionally/mentally unstable due to excessive marijuana use, lack of healthy sleep and lack of healthy eating habits.

(S): Get rid of your stash - sell it to people. Cut off all ties with your suppliers. If it's a roommate, spend as little time at home. Go to the library - get dinner and bring it with you. Focus on keeping yourself afloat and let the stoners self destruct. If it gets too unbearable, buy a travel pillow, go to the bibliographies, build yourself a mini fort and pass out - marijuana problem and sleeping problem dealt with.

The best way to get around eating habits is to drink water. Much of the time, your hunger is actually thirst. Drink water - still hungry? Grab something not fried or processed, a slice of bread - eat in line while you figure out what to buy. Because you had the water and bread, the initial hunger won't be eating at you and you can make a rationale decision. Remember - you're not having bread and water in place of food, you're having it to pre-game your meal.

(P): To push it even further, I'm way too skinny to even be considered a man. (5'10" and 138 pounds)

(S): Lift. The golden advice of this subreddit. Go to Wallgreens or CVS, buy some kiddy weights until you work yourself up to something bigger. Start off with 8lbs --> 10 lbs after two weeks --> 20 lbs after 3 weeks. Keep the 8 lbs with in a bag and while you're hitting the books in the library to avoid the stoners, grind out some reps.

Bonus tip: the exercise will not only boost your muscles and your confidence, but your heart will pump harder causing more blood to flow to your brain and you'll be able to think clearer.

(P): To push it even further, I've been struggling with a pornography addiction since I was in high school and have been having multiple panic/anxiety attacks to the point where I'm contemplating suicide.

(S): This is an issue - but not unsolvable. You need to be somewhere private to enjoy your porn - so study in the loudest, most crowded part of the library. Even better, do it in the cafeteria where you can't run off to the bibliography section to jerk it. The point is to put yourself in situations where you literally cannot jerk it - where you're forced to keep your hand out of your pants. The fear will quell your anxiety and as long as you get a decent set of ear buds (unless you got noise cancellers), you should be fine to block out most of the white noise. I guarantee after a fortnight, the urge will be negligible.

(P):As for the cherry on top, my social skills suck and I barely even have acquaintances in my classes.

(S): Stop emphasizing the importance of other people. This is your fucking life, not the "OP & Friends" show. Your life is in the shits right now and you need to work on pulling yourself out of it. Your friends should be people whom you can study with, people who tend to have their shit together either physically or intellectually - basically, people whom you can milk for advice and would aspire to be: these are the people you need right now.

You want friends: go to your Professor's office hours and shoot the shit with them for 5-10 minutes. Then ask them to go over something you didn't understand. The interaction will make you feel more grown up and you'll get some extra lessons from them. Win/Win plus extra confidence booster. Also, more than likely, they also watch Game of Thrones so you can build a better rapport with them and they'll be more willing to throw out a hint regarding the upcoming exam. You literally can't go wrong with this.

Bottom Line: you're focusing too much on external causes for your current state when what you should be realizing is that it's YOUR FAULT FOR PUTTING YOURSELF IN THAT POSITION. The obvious answer is to remove yourself from that position.

Chin up. You'll make it, kid. We all survived and you will too. Just keep looking forward.

socio_j · 2014-04-07T00:25:12+00:00

Your primary issue is your social skills. Human beings are social by nature, we need human contact. You have barely any acquaintances in your clase, you must somehow fix this. You said that you have anxiety/panic attacks; i suggest that you join a club were people have similar issues; yes i am suggesting group therapy. You could also join a group were people have certain social anxiety issue, yes some people that go there are (very) weird, but most are not and just want to do normal shit but due to bad experiences in life they lose confidence in themselves and become isolated beings. I went to a group like that and met great people and even met my best friend, it really helps a lot. IMO your last priority right now should be women, i hate to say this man, but you are in such a mess that you could meet the women of your life, however in your state you would completely mess up the opportunity. You need to focus on yourself, stop with the weeds (dont start using alcohol!), eat better (find pleasure in cooking your own food), do shit (whether it be reading fiction/non fiction, the reddit science sub is a fantastic place to read excellent articles; learn something, like how to paint, play an instrument, etc). But man you need to do some sort of social activity were you can meet people are finally make friends (male friends, this is EXTREMELY important).

[deleted] · 2014-04-07T02:48:45+00:00

You have done one of the most productive things you can.

You have stopped blaming external factors and decided to tackle your issues head on. That is the difference between the chumps and the champs. Fuck the alpha/ beta bullshit that is too distracting if you ask me. The real secret is to identify your own issues and then fix them. Successful people naturally are what people "consider alpha"

Now go lift and eat better. Remember success doesn't happen over night it can take months or years for it to occur. See how the natural endorphins created from lifting react with you. You might find some other issues just go away.

http://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/jason-blaha-ice-cream-fitness-5x5-novice-workout

Here is an awesome routine for a noob :D

jethreezy · 2014-04-07T03:11:49+00:00

I was addicted to both pot and porn in my first couple years of university too. Get off that shit, your entire life and outlook on life will become better.

Doomsday_ · 2014-04-07T05:27:41+00:00

If you're actually thinking about suicide, seek professional help.
Lift weights and eat right
Get involved in a social hobby that you enjoy
Pursue a long-term goal in life
Read Models by Mark Manson and approach women

bunniescanfly · 2014-04-07T05:58:25+00:00

You sound like my brother. Are you him?

Ant1gone · 2014-04-07T06:19:19+00:00

OP I used to be where you are. The first step is being able to see through anxiety. Being anxious means you are like Hamlet: You can't decide. This yogi helped me with this

Now, without so much anxiety you will be able to act at last. Begin by improving your diet - lots of meat - and enough water everyday. Also physical activity: Lots of long walks and strength building. (Lifting etc)

Here is the most important part: A ritual initiation. This just needs to be something which gives you a superhuman confidence boost. Something you would never do and that terrifies you. I'm assuming you are an introvert. This means you need to throw yourself into some sort of grand social function. For me, this meant going, against all better judgement, out alone at night and then into crowds of literally hundreds of people, all of us going to a bonfire festival in a park. Once you experience the energy and excitement of the crowd like that then you will enjoy being around people. They won't make you anxious anymore. From here you become The Opportunist: You go and make friends and meet people. Once you have this all the other things will come to you.

Have fun. :)

bigyellowtwinki · 2014-04-07T06:39:14+00:00

Judging from your past behavior, which is the best predictor of future behavior, you won't take anyone's advice here. I predict that within 15 days you will have another thread started that is something similar to this. You can read the best advice in the world until the cows come home but the inability to take action will result in your ACTUAL DEATH.

You want the success of a man but you won't do what it takes. Because you are not a natural alpha you won't try to build yourself into one. Chances are you won't actually walk that path until your late 20s early 30s. You are too emotional and this is why you can't follow through with TRP. If you feel like following the advice tonight you will lose that spirit in the morning, or the next time you see a chick on campus who is 10 times your SMV. Most here would have killed for TRP at your age, but as they say, youth is wasted on the young.

Bonghunter · 2014-04-07T09:32:11+00:00

Everyone's said it, start lifting. It will create a chain reaction and manifest into other aspects of your life in a positive manner.

drunky-trex · 2014-04-07T02:06:30+00:00

Get clean and join the military.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-04-07T03:03:51+00:00

Dude talking about suicide and 'go lift' is the best we can do?

First of all, kid, you are 19 years old. WTF is all this about your life is over. Are you fucking kidding me? You are 19 and have the first year of college under your belt. Do you think learning the Venusian Arts is any harder than passing a few college classes? Do you think learning game is as hard as even a single college class? It is not. So at any time you can fucking learn it and turn your life around.

But first things first. You need to cut back the marijuana use during the day. I say this as a lifetime marijuana user who, when he went Red Pill, made a pact to do that. If you smoke it to sleep then have at it but STOP going out in public stoned. Stop smoking during the day. THIS is at least part of the reason your social life sucks. Do something, you know, "social" so join a club, take a martial art, learn boxing INSTEAD of smoking weed.

Finally, I will get down voted for this so nibble my nads...YOU NEED TO CONTACT YOUR UNIVERSITY STUDENT COUNSELING CENTER and make an appointment. You don't have to check yourself in to the mental hospital but you need to sit down with a professional on your situation. Way past that point, in fact.

footballtrav89 · 2014-04-07T01:50:14+00:00

While I agree with all the advice below, it seems pretty clear that you are very unlikely to accomplish anything BY YOURSELF.

Find a mentor: This does not have to be a permanent thing. Find a guy who seems to have a lot of healthy habits or stuff going on that you think would better you to have in the long run. Make it your life's mission to become his friend. Do things for him. Compliment him. Basically i call this man on man game.
Follow your mentor: Do what he does. Go where he goes. Form the habits he has. Hopefully over time you will outgrow him but for now just be his shadow.

Most of the guys here probably followed another guy whether they realize it or not. This role model could have been in real life or even in the movies. It will be almost IMPOSSIBLE to completely change your life without an example to follow.

Tips: If you find someone to follow do not put him on a pedestal. Be aware of flaws that he has as this will make it easier to acknowledge your own.

Don't be afraid of striking out. The cool thing about trying to make guy friends is that is is EXTREMELY unlikely that you will ever be shamed for a failed attempt. If you fail with one, pick out someone with a completely different personality. DO NOT go after the exact same type of guy over and over again. Sometimes personalities between bro's do not match well.

Good Luck.

Title	I really need some advice here...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	25
Date	April 6, 2014 11:28 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/22dqt6/i_really_need_some_advice_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-really-need-some-advice-here.13669 https://theredarchive.com/post/13669

Comments