Quick Note: Brevity ain't my thing, so unless you're ready to invest yourself into a stream of conscious rambling that will almost surely be massively extensive than perhaps save this post for a rainy day.

I want to be as open and as honest with all of you as possible because to do otherwise would defeat the purpose of soliciting advice anonymously on the internet.

The Red Pill has a bad reputation for a multitude of reasons, much of it is simply inherent to any sub offering a unique perspective on an aspect of life a lot of people aren't comfortable with but I personally believe the main reason it attracts so much dissent is because many of the posts are intentionally inflammatory, instigation's that seem to be mainly focus on disparaging women or what you've determined to be a "beta" male.

There are constant complaints about how this sub is simply misunderstood and it's the ignorance of the general public that stirs the controversy and quite frankly, that's absolute bullshit my friends.

If everyone, or even the majority of the content on this sub was actually true to the stated ideology and purpose of the sub than their wouldn't be nearly as much criticism.

Encouraging and inspiring others to do things like improve their physical health, social skills, self confidence, personal value, or to educate themselves about social structure, manipulation and deception.

IF you went to a sub that's supposed to be about something like "Black Civil Rights" and instead of actual informative and intellectual discussion it was just a bunch of race baiting, complain and demonizing of white people than the purpose and intention of the sub is being clouded by a vocal minority of fools.

That's what it looks like to an untrained eye, and I don't want this sub to fall on deaf ears because some people can't seem to post a link or a comment without shitting on other people.

This is my personal opinion and I'm only presenting it as context for this thread and the reason I've come to this sub for advice. I respect many of the opinions on this sub and I want to hear what you have to say, just please don't give me the cookie cutter stock default responses like JUST LIFT AND NEG BRUH, I'm not lost in my life, I'm not desperate for guidance, I'd just like to hear some unbiased opinions from people who aren't personally involved with the situation.

Here's the story: I became romantically involved with "Olivia" in like 2008, I don't know exactly when but my point is that it's been a minute. We dated, hit it off, fell in love, this and that, but eventually we drifted because we went to different colleges. However, we've always had just some kind of deeper connection that's made our relationship extremely accessible even when we haven't seen or spoken to each other for an extended period of time. She is "that girl," not only because of her beauty and my strong attraction to her physical appearance, style, attitude, intellect, ambition, morality, etc.. but because random shit always seems to happen that I can't really explain.

I do NOT believe in FATE, or serendipity, or destiny, or love at first sight, or that there's "JUST ONE SINGULAR HUMAN ON THIS EARTH WHO CAN SATISFY YOU SEXUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY SO DONT EVER LET HER GO!" but I'll admit that some of the shit is hard to explain.

("Quick" Example of Shit That Doesn't Actually Mean Anything But Fucks With Your Head: I had a huge going away party before leaving on a volunteer trip to Costa Rica for a couple of months. Olivia and I hadn't seen each other in longer than usual and she showed up unannounced and got insanely fucked up. I spent the entire night taking care of her as she puked her soul into my backyard. It was my party at my house so I would have felt obligated to do this for ANY person that was super fucked up, but of course, it had to be her. So I'm leaving the country for a couple of months and I'm obviously extremely pissed that she would just show up without saying anything and than basically ruin my last chance to spend time with the people I care about. Whatever, I'm going to fucking Costa Rica. So I don't speak to anybody but my parents for like 3 months and finally on my way home to Detroit from Costa Rica I have a layover in Atlanta. As I'm bonding with an airport worker over my Gucci Mane ringtone in the smoking lounge of the Atlanta airport my phone reaches that point where all the shit it's received while being turned off for months suddenly pours into your phone and while I have a ton of messages the most recent is from her. She is coming home from Florida today and hopes that when I'm home we can get together, so I text her that I'm on my way home, chilling in Atlanta. She's also in Atlanta, She's also at the airport, She's also on my flight, She's also sitting across the Aisle from me. We were on vacations in different countries that began months apart, the odds of this happening are absurd. Again, THIS MEANS NOTHING, but I can't provide an example in my life where anything that was even remotely coincidental took place and it's obviously stuck with me. It's just like, what, how?!?)

This obviously lead to a renaissance and it was great and yeah, awesome.

In summation, for the better part of the last decade this girl has been a meaningful part of my life but about halfway through this time she started getting more and more serious with various boyfriends at the sacrifice of her behavior towards me. None of this stopped me from fucking and/or being with other women, but I've never felt a fraction of what I felt with her with anybody else. My emotions have ranged from borderline obsessive (checking her social media every day, etc. These mistakes seem to happen when I've recently broken up with someone else and am having a pity party for myself) to mildly indifferent (I say "mildly" because it's not complete indifference, if she told me she fucked my best friend or something it would still hurt, I'm sure that's not cool to admit but tis true) but recently she's become more and more manipulative and deceptive and I realize that slowly but surly I've become nothing more than an emotional crutch.

There's an old adage about how putting your hand in hot water will cause you pain but putting your hand in lukewarm water and slowly raising the temperature will barely be noticeable.

This is exactly what's taken place as upon reflection I realize there's been a slow and steady decline of sexual encounters and deep or meaningful shared romantic moments and a saturation of her complaining about whatever dude is banging her these days. (She doesn't go for straight assholes, but as my black best friend refers to them, she likes "New Balance White Boys." Meaning, they're not memorable in any way, they're pure vanilla, stock photo, regular dudes who just blend in and go with the flow. That's fine, live your life, it's just funny to me when she complains about the same character flaws and can't see what everyone else can.)

Now, I can't even explain why this is such a different feeling, but she's gone from somebody I want to have as my girlfriend to someone I care about, but would also fuck. Like, I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her, but at the same time, she still turns me on like nobody else, I just know the way she talks about these dudes and I don't want to be the subject of that conversation with her and other people.

For YEARS I lied to myself about how I was just an obviously better guy so I would just treat her the right way and it would work itself out and that failure of an idea has been exhaustively detailed on this sub and while I was never in full "BETA-Bitch" mode, I now realize I went out of my way WAY TOO MUCH without any benefit to myself.

I don't mind helping other people, I find a lot of satisfaction in knowing I helped another person because I know how much it means to me when someone actually breaks away from their self absorbed narcissism to do something selfless for me. I'm not a white knight, I don't love these hoes, it's not about that, I just respect everyone as an INDIVIDUAL and try not to judge them until they've demonstrated they don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. I'm cynical and far from naive, but I do try and find the good side in people because I've found it does exist in everyone even if it's just a glimpse of redemption.

So like I said, I haven't done more for her that I wouldn't do for anybody else who means something to me because I just enjoy being the guy who buys the round for the bar or over-tips or does something spontaneous. I spend money impulsively but I almost never regret it because it's usually worth every penny, but I digress.

My behavior isn't the problem, going out of your way to help someone only becomes a negative trait when you allow yourself to be manipulated and abused. When you give someone a free pass for their behavior and never lay down the law.

I realized she was not the person I thought I knew when she was on again about her current boyfriend and in the midst of this conversation she tells me that he's mad because SHE'S BEEN GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH OTHER GUYS, now, she claims she's not cheating and of all the things she's done, I've never been aware of her fucking me or anybody else when she had an exclusive boyfriend, like we have fucked off and on for years but it never goes down unless she's single and I've witnessed many instances where she turned down a pass she would have probably taken had she been single, but whatever, that doesn't matter, the fact that she's doing this is preposterous.

Don't get me wrong, she openly admits that it's fucked up, but her reasoning is that she's always been faithful and doesn't have any motivations beyond enjoying the company of a friend. The slightest smidgen of me can somewhat accept that response, but the dominating thought in my head is how delusional she is for thinking that allowing men to take her out and buy her dinner and drinks or whatever is acceptable in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

My emotions towards Olivia have always been convoluted simply because the circumstances of our situation has always lead to our "status" being very ambiguous, but this relationship no longer benefits me in any way, like it would be one thing if she was the BEST FRIEND she claims, I do fine for myself so even if she just legitimately wanted to be friends I wouldn't care, but she's not even a good friend and the reason her revelation resonated with me is because recently I've had to hound this girl down to actually see her in person and she's a teacher and a hostess at a restaurant so I've always attributed to her schedule but somehow she's found time to go to dinner with multiple dudes?

We aren't in a relationship, if you wanna blow me off to spend time with your boyfriend of a year, I'm not gonna hold you up. But don't manipulate me into caring about you under the false pretense of a meaningful personal relationship.

So I told her straight up, if the day ever comes where you want to get serious again and do it right like real life adults, I'd take it under consideration but otherwise, I'm done. This girl will always mean something to me and that's why it has to be all or nothing. I told her that I'm done contacting her in any way and if she doesn't contact me, there will be no interaction, and if she wants to contact me it has to be so she can make a full commitment because I've done the alternatives and it just ends up with her abusing how much I care. We can't be "just friends" because it hurts me, we can't be just friends because she's even a good fucking friend. If I found out that my best guy friend from work who I've chilled with for years was blowing me off to hang out with some dude whose still training I'd have the same reaction, why the fuck are you even worth my time?

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, I just wanted to share this with you guys because I'm sure everyone deals with "That Girl" who gives them a special kind of mind fuck at one point or another and I just wanted to express how fucking incredible it is to rid myself of that burden and truly move on with my life.

She's been blocked on my phone, if she leaves me a voice mall I'll wait a week and then listen so I can make a clear headed determination of my actions, otherwise any type of passive attempts to lure me back in will literally fall on deaf ears because I won't even see them, this is the best way to weed out the bullshit and boil the conversation down to actual emotional interaction that requires genuine effort.

Respect isn't given, it's fucking earned, through actions, not words. Focusing on personal satisfaction and progression will draw people to YOU and you can determine what they mean, don't allow other people to dictate your actions or self worth.

Don't ever put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on another person to make you happy, they will let you down.