TL;DR Take TRP advice seriously, but with a grain of salt with specific situations, as it's hard to interpret individual motives and idiosyncratic needs.

EDIT: I'm getting a lot of comments that I'm hamstering hard. Maybe. I understand where you're coming from to say that. But not every attempt to explain a phenomenon is a hamstering. As I mentioned in my AskTRP post, I may have alpha'ed her too hard. She had to make up a fake perfect boyfriend to try to get back at me (and to get me back, saying, don't worry about my new bf, you should come over). Somehow, I feel safer knowing she doesn't want to see me.

I came to AskTRP yesterday with an embarrassing ask of help for a kind of oneitis. I feel strong with my RP principles and I'm an endorsed contributor for God's sake! How could I get oneitis over a bitch I know is not worth it. I needed emergency help as I felt moments away from some blue pill reaching out to her! I even thought about asking a mutual friend for an update about her. Jesus!

I had finished the breakup with the upper hand. I broke up with her in January. There was some sniping from her and I occasionally lost my cool in some subsequent conversations afterwards, but I mostly kept her at a distance. Finally in March, when she knew I was in town, she wrote to me asking me to come over to help her with a task. Mind you, she had written me 3 days earlier that she was now fucking a new boyfriend, he was amazing, he runs an empire, and he's better in bed than me. I knew she was lying, but it still created cognitive dissonance in me cause she said it like she believed it (I later confirmed it was made up.) I responded that I was done talking to her now. She flipped her shit but I never responded again. For 3 months. Radio silence. And apart from one time a week afterwards, she never tried to contact me again.

In the last couple weeks I've been getting obsessed, out of nowhere, with checking her Instagram, trying to find clues if she's actually seeing someone or not, stuff like that. But I haven't communicated anything to her. From her POV, I noped the fuck out and didn't look back. I'm back in her city this week and that's why I started getting this overwhelming desire to reach out to her.

So, I came to AskTRP and everybody told me, "Don't do it!" "Suffer in silence!" "You cutting contact is the last shred of dignity you kept!"

HOWEVER... despite what I wrote about my situation. I looked deep inside myself and taking measure of what I believe of TRP, and my experience of this girl and our relationship and having lived it, and my personal history, and where I am in life generally, and where I am this week specifically, I decided I needed to double down and think really really hard and see if reaching out, if done in a certain way, might be the better decision. For me.

I decided I didn't give a fuck about having the upper hand. I understood the textbook TRP response, but somehow, in my brain chemistry, my stone-cold silence was what was making my one-itis worse. Maybe not in every case, but in my case, I decided I could consider making a gesture to her. And I would hang no expectation on her answer. But I felt that it was what I wanted to do, and what was right for me as a man.

Despite everything, I just hated that our last interaction was basically this (translated from another language):

  • Her: (paraphrasing) my boyfriend treats me so well. he kisses me all over and makes me feel loved. he's rich and has an empire and he's younger than you! and making love is better than what we had

  • Me: Ok, that's great things are working out for you. Things sure turned out well that somewhat so perfect came your way. I guess it's a good thing we broke up in time for this magical thing to happen to you.

  • Her: All good things come in time

  • Me: Alright, good night.

  • Her: Good night, sir.

3 DAYS LATER

  • Her: Hey, slut! I see you're in town. I just got permission to run an AirBnb and I wanted you to come over and help me to take some pictures. I have to have the site up by noon!!! We'll be cool. We won't talk about our new love lives. Let me know! Thanks in advance.

  • Me: To be honest, I don't want to talk to you any more.

  • Her: Of course! I could never count on you! You never did anything for me! You were never there for me. You always think of yourself. You're just a little selfish princess is what you are. The whole world revolves around you or else you cry like a baaaaaabbyyy.

  • Her: (photo of a rubber vagina) Here! My last gift to you!

  • Her: (photo of a fat girl) Oh, this too. Reminds me of your fat ex!!! haha

  • Her: coward! scum!

  • Her: Ok, but despite all that I'm having a party tomorrow night and wondered if you wanted to come!

3 DAYS LATER

  • Her: Not nice of you to miss out on the party! You should have come! Did you check out my Airbnb link? You're not answering. I'm having a conversation with myself. Ok, baby. Well, I wish you all the best and all good things in life.

3 MONTHS LATER

As I described above, I was glad to be rid of this wench, but 1.5-2 months after the above scenario, I got an unwilled serious one-itis or something like it. I had no illusions about how awful she was. I just secretly wanted something about the situation, about me, about her, to be better. I new I had locked myself into no contact. I struggled. I came to AskTRP.

I didn't follow their advice.

I wrote to her. And I like this ending better. And not in a romantic way. I don't think there's anything BP about it. Sure, call me a faggot for writing her at all after the bullshit above, but here is my point. Interpretations may very. I know who I am specifically and what I need, and I can do a thing that's RP that may not be an RP move for you. You might do things that are RP for you, that I could never get away with, just because of nuances of who I am.

Here's the new ending to our breakup:

  • Me: Hi [name redacted]! It's u/nyrp. I'm in town. I'd like to see you and get a coffee.

  • Her: Hi u/nyrp. I don't have any time for you any more.

  • Me: Ok.

And for me, I feel like all my problems are solved. I don't feel like I came to her begging. What's important, the way I interpret it, is not the initial offering. It's the 3rd act of the exchange. That's what says everything.

In the first "goodbye" she wrote some emotional, manipulative shit about hey slut, come do me a favor and don't worry I won't talk about my lover. I say I'm not interested. And she goes on to have a shit show of a reaction, showing me exactly how much she wants to be with me. I don't react!

In this second good-bye, I make a new gesture/opening in a neutral and mature and adult way. She gives me a no. And I respond with an ok. I'm not upset. I'm prepared to have her answer be no. It's not a big deal (and it's really not).

If anything I only fear she'll come back at me in 3 days flipping out over the fact that I didn't flip out over her refusal to see me.

"I don't have time for you."

Fine, great, and I don't have time for this one-itis any more. You sure don't have time, bitch, because you're 32 and single. I immediately felt better. I can just tell it's behind me now. It was irrational, this desire to reach out one more time. And it was against stated RP principles, but interpretations may vary. For some reason, this was the right move for me.

I don't feel like I lost anything. It's not like she can say I came crawling, begging back. And what I gained is peace of mind. And closure, which TRP told me not to look for. But to me, I can move on now. And for some reason, I couldn't before (even while I was spinning plates, as described in the links).

LESSON LEARNED: As you experiment with TRP, it's not that any of the principles are false. I believe them all. But, practically, in life, like any medicine, the proper dosage may depend on many factors. Height, weight, body chemistry. You might be the 2% for a rule/medicine that is effective 98% of the time.

For me, radio silence for 3 months. And a neutral gesture, rather than a lifelong permaban was right. Maybe because we have some mutual friends I will be working with. Maybe because she's so fucking crazy that putting the onus of rejection on her will lessen the threat of her damaging my reputation/(life) because now she feels like she said no to me. (Even though my "ok" could be read as the rejection of indifference, which may be worse...)

The takeaway is to take a good look at the specifics of you, and while not rejecting the Red Pill, realizing results may vary. And other RPers interpretations may vary. Sometimes you can just go with your gut. There's nothing beta about deciding that you just need to do things your way, even if you're coloring outside the guidelines.